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The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

 

Hoosierteacher stood before the crowded lecture hall at MHR University. Styg, Guru, Zappa, mdierk( the A students) were all in the front row, eager to learn. Firstfan was in the back with his dunce cap on. All of the students were there. Super7 and Jon Tollerud were hoping for an in-depth discussion of the now famous 3-3-5 defense. But instead Hoosierteacher had some unusual items in front of him.

 

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. Hoosierteacher then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full . They agreed it was.

 

Hoosierteacher next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”. Hoosierteacher then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. All the students laughed except for Trinidad Jack who cried.

 

“Now,” said Hoosierteacher as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---the Broncos, your family, your children, your health, and your friends---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else---the small stuff, things like the guy who cut you off in traffic or oakland or Phyllis and his Merry men.

 

Guru jumped up and shouted “I get it! If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important like the Broncos and MHR.” All of the other students were awed by Guru’s wisdom.

 

“Exactly right!” said Hoosierteacher “'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Teach them to love the Broncos. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Learn of your Bronco roots. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner and explain the advantages of the 3-4 over the 4-3 given our current personnel. Spend more time on the computer with MHR. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

 

Then from the middle of the room Broncofanstuckinsd raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. Hoosierteacher smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend to talk about the Broncos.”

 

This adaptation of an old Bronco folk tale, passed down from father to son, was submitted by the guy in the back row with the dunce cap and was based on an email from Danver.

 

 

 

 

 

This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR

10 recs  |  Comment 71 comments

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GREAT write-up man

I didn’t know if you wanted to click edit and delete the spaces in between the paragraphs or not, it’s happened to me a bunch of times. Seriously though I loved the “tale.” Here’s to firstfan, keeper of the lore.

by phantom818 on May 10, 2008 6:01 PM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Thanks guys!

I had trouble with that. I wrote it in word and pasted it into the post. The paragraphs got all messed up. It took me about 20 minutes to get them put back in and then I couldn’t decide if I liked tham or no. Then i saw your comment and went to edit to take them out but it came out looking like one long sentence so I just abandoned the edit. Some day I’ll figure this stuff out! Thanks for the help.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 10, 2008 8:41 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

never another fan

like first fan. Everytime I watch a game, I salute you with the first beer!

Davis to the Hall!

by Jon Tollerud on May 10, 2008 6:43 PM MDT reply actions   0 recs

I think Zappa would Cry

along with Trinidad Jack

Davis to the Hall!

by Jon Tollerud on May 10, 2008 7:38 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Me too

Two beers is more than Zappa can stand to see poured into sand.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 10, 2008 11:21 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Damned right I cried.

It doesn’t even matter what brand of beer. I’m not a beer snob. But maybe we can pour it through a T-shirt or something and save most of it. Then we can suck on the sand for the rest. Or is that too desperate?

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 9:40 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I dig the avatar counsel!

Very nice!

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 12, 2008 3:18 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Thanks,

It’s the real me, taken on Friday during commencement. Somebody said I looked like the epitome of a college professor. Go figure. Anyway, I wanted something cool like firstfan or especially broncfanstuckinsd, but it’s the best I could do.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 3:34 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

If Professor Kingsfield...

(from “The Paper Chase”) was crossed with 1 part Santa and one part Biker, you’d have Trinidad Jack Esq, at your service. It’s a VERY cool pic!

Man, MHR people are not only the smartest and best behaved fans on the net, we’re the fricken prettiest too!

: )

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 12, 2008 3:39 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Now how can I argue with that? Thank you.

BTW, I do get a lot of offers to play Santa. My 4 year old grandson was a little worried after Christmas. He was asking if I had to turn back into Grampa Jack or if I could still be Santa, lol.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 3:52 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Good laughs and

talking Broncos is what it’s all about. Great post firstfan.

by danver on May 10, 2008 7:11 PM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Kudos.......Awesome post.

Great story, one of my favorites, gotta keep our priorities straight. LOL

by Broncofan on May 10, 2008 8:38 PM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Thanks Broncofan

I think you are pretty new to the MHR. I like your contributions. They are constructive and positive.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 10, 2008 11:23 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Right.......

I am brand new, glad to have finally found a site where I can talk Broncos in a positive manner with people who see the reality of things and don’t just gripe all the time about whats wrong. I joined MHR about a week ago and am enjoying it thoroughly. Since I work from home on the computer all day, I’ve got plenty of time to keep up with MHR. I was surprised to see all the posts here, especially this time of year, helps keep me from having offseason Bronco withdrawals. LOL You guys keep up the good work and I’ll participate as much as possible.

by Broncofan on May 11, 2008 7:06 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Thanks and welcome to the best fan site around!

I dont work at home, but I have a semi-private cubical that helps keep me informed on a daily basis. :)

by Tim Lynch on May 11, 2008 5:58 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

ha!

this is hysterical, and wise. ht should then down a beer, pour the backflow into the jar, and tell the audience this represents al davis-there’s always room for a little hate, no?

by davecheffy on May 11, 2008 12:03 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Why can't other classrooms

be so instructional? What a great way to teach the values necessary to truly appreciate all the goodness of Bronconess. My thanks to you.

by Arctic Bronco on May 11, 2008 12:29 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

I am at once both humbled and edified.

Thanks for the context, but I’m not THAT wise. I believe it was Firstfan teaching that day. I know this for three reasons.

1. Firstfan is wiser than me.

2. While I see room for the 3-4, we shouldn’t run it without a dominant NT (the only missing ingredient in the mix).

3. I’ve never seen Firstfan (or any other member) wearing (or deserving of) a dunce cap in any of the MHR classes I’ve been a prof or student in.

Very well done Firstfan. You da man!

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 4:35 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Damn

I should have known I couldn’t have got that 3-4 by you without a nt.
Thanks for the comment, but YOU my friend are the wise one.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 11, 2008 4:51 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

lol y'all are "the man"

Didn’t DeWayne play NT though? :)

by phantom818 on May 11, 2008 12:07 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yes, he did.

But not very well. He may fit a 4-3 scheme better as a DT.

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 2:20 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Jesus zappa

you need to get your eyes checked man!!

;)

Mountains, forest, sea: these render man fierce, but yet do not destroy the man.

by Jeremy Bolander on May 11, 2008 6:16 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I am missing a joke somewhere?

I just got done playing a pick up baseball game with a bunch of adolescent boys. I whooped em too(20-19). But I am a bit tired from all that running since my one teammate was my nephew who happens to not like sports at all and sat in the grass most of the time. ;)

by Tim Lynch on May 11, 2008 6:44 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

If broncfanstuckinsd is REALLY...

...Jarah Mariano that would be a huge bonus!

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 6:17 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Zappa

You are never going to live this one down!

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 11, 2008 6:32 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Then from the middle of the room Broncofanstuckinsd raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. Hoosierteacher smiled and said, "I’m glad you asked. The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend to talk about the Broncos.

I thought Broncofanstuckinsd just had a hot chick as an avatar. lol You had something similar firstfan. ;)

by Tim Lynch on May 11, 2008 6:42 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I think it is a hot chick avatar too (and not Broncofanstuckinsd's picture).

Although Broncofanstuckinsd may really truly be lingerie model Jarah Mariano. But consider this. Firstfan’s avatar is NOT a hot chick.

My gosh. I’m going to have to devote a University post to explaining this aren’t I.

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 6:54 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I will try sir; I will try.

Nice big boobs and bra = GIRL

Funny looking orange football headgear on grizzled looking scary old guy = BOY

I don’t think site rules will allow me to expand on that any further. That’s as far as this old teacher/coach goes.

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 7:08 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Good news!

I know the insurance plan that MHR offers isn’t the best. In fact, it’s quite non-existant. Well, some of the staff were getting a little concerned, and we thought, you know, why not pool in together and get this Zappa kid some help? You know, a shrink, a date, something!

Now comes this talk about people confusing other people with changed avatars. Let’s not go on about who’s been confusing whom here. Let’s just try to make some sense of things and get out of this crazy thing.

First, don’t speak to the avatars. As you can see, some of them change. Nothing worse than a transvestite avatar (unless you are on a Rocky Horror Show blog or something).

Second, we’re all friends and we all understand that things can get confusing. You know what “The Kinks” said,

“Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola”

It’s just like the beer commercial my friend. I’m sure every guy has walked up behind a hot chick only to find out he’s not a hot chick. I myself have never experienced this, and I wouldn’t admit it if I did. But I’m told it happens to the best of us. You soldier on Zappa. This Buds for you!

(If this had been an actual Bud Light commercial, the guy would be singing something about saluting, “Mr. ‘mistakes a guy for a hot chick on a sports blog personnnnn!’ ” at this point.

: )

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 11, 2008 8:19 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Ok.

I am a man, therefore I don’t need therapy, plus I am married so I don’t need a date! And the closest I have ever coming to saying a dude is a hot chick was seeing some dudes wavy blonde hair along the side of the road and thinking that this chick has some nice hair. I wasn’t alone though, as my wife thought he was a she as well. I was just glad he wasn’t attractive to me from the backside. ;)

In my defense, I am a bit loopy today because I didn’t get much sleep thanks to the missus and I also ran around like a raped ape all day playing baseball. I hate baseball, but it can be very exciting when you are the one pitching, and chasing down the hits, and tagging out the runners. lol So cut me some slack! :)

by Tim Lynch on May 11, 2008 8:47 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I just laughed

solid for at least 11 comments there. :)

Very funny guys!

Mountains, forest, sea: these render man fierce, but yet do not destroy the man.

by Jeremy Bolander on May 11, 2008 10:56 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Beer IS therapy.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 9:46 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Mother's Day

You guys have been the best Mother’s Day present ever. The missus (aka Ole Blister) and I laughed all day at your comments. What a collective sense of humor! Let’s get a few things straight. Zappa, you are correct. At one time I had a pic of Aishwara Rai as my avatar. I was one of the only people on the site with no avatar. I had a passport pic and thought I would use that. While browsing My Pictures I came across 32 pics of Miss Universe 1994. I took one that I thought looked rather Alaskan and put it up as my avatar. In an email I told Zappa that was the missus. He replied that if that was the missus i was a lucky guy. It was at this time Ole Blister came in and saw Aishwara Rai as my avatar. She said to get the photo off the site before someonme thought it was ME! I said I didn’t have a pic so she said to put on “that stupid Bronco leather helmet” (her words) and she would take my picture. So now you know how I got my pic as an avatar. The last thing that needs to be settled is whether Broncofanstuckinsd is male or female. I think we can deduce that the current avatar is not correct as Bronmcofanstuckinsd has a son in the marines. So, I ponied up and put my real pic as an avatar, Broncofanstuckinsd you should do the same. Otherwise poor Zappa will be razzed unmercifully for ever. And lastly, thank you guys for a great series of comments.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 11, 2008 10:56 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Funny!!

You and ht were so funny!

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 12, 2008 11:48 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

well

I am a man, so I guess in the near future I will have to post my real photo. I figured everyone would just know that my avatar was a hot chick. But razzing Zappa is not a bad thing, now is it?

by broncfanstuckinsd on May 12, 2008 11:55 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Um,

I vote you leave the avatar the way it is.

1. It’s the only way I’m going to see some hot chick on the PC without my wife kicking my butt, and

2. I want to give the next “Zappa scenario” guy a hard time when he thinks you might be a guy (even though he would be right). Hey, it might happen!

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 12, 2008 3:43 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I agree with HT here...

I only wish your avatar was a full screen representation with 360 degree panaoramic view of this fine hunny. I am at work, so no worries about the wifey looking over my should right now. lol Oh I couldn’t help myself there.

by Tim Lynch on May 12, 2008 4:08 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I've got to second that.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 6:08 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

You gotta prove that because frankly...

...the evidence points in another direction. Not that I mind, lol.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 6:30 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yes indeed!

...they both point in a nice, pert, soft, uhm…

Right. Sorry about that. Sorry. My bad! Dreadfully sorry.

I think I’ll go pine for the Fjords now. Au Reviour!

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 12, 2008 6:54 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Great post, and more importantly...

Firstfan, thanks for bringing perspective to the table. It’s hard to slow down and take a real look at what you’re doing at any given time. So, thnaks for the much needed injection of perspective.

First, I can’t imagine that other teams’ sites have this kind of community feel and quality to boot.
Second, as the season approches, I was wondering if the local contingency of MHR readers/writers ever got together before home games. I know that if there was a pre-game tailgate or anything of the sort, I’d love to wax poetic about our boys prior to any home game, all the while having those few cold beers that Firstfan was talking about.

by super7 on May 12, 2008 10:08 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

I grew up in the Fader Nation and learned to

deal with isolation and ridicule. My pre-game ritual involves beer and isolation. I don’t invite anyone over. I’d rather watch the game in peace and hear only my cheers. My daughter gets in on the action though and jumps up and down and screams along with me whenever something good happens. She disappears when the Broncos are playing poorly. Needless to say, I didn’t see my little munchkin much last year. ;)

by Tim Lynch on May 12, 2008 10:47 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I live in a house with a two year old

our daily routine includes the following questions:

“Who throws the football Kate?” - “Jay Cutder” (we will work on the “L”)
“Who catches the football Kate?” -“Brandon Marshall”
“Who tackles the football Kate?” - “D.J. Willgiams” (will work on this one)- “AND?”—“DOOM!”

Davis to the Hall!

by Jon Tollerud on May 12, 2008 11:05 AM MDT up reply actions   2 recs

Hey gang!

Ever hear about not pushing a button if you don’t know what it does? Well I guess I’m supposed to be an associate editor on this site, and I even write a column to help folks figure out the new features at MHR 2.0

Now I don’t know what hapens when I click “recommend” for a comment, but I don’t care. I recommended Jon’s comment about teaching his little “Kate” about being a Denver fan. It should almost be a front page post somehow in itsself.

(Reminds me of the time I lived in a little apartment when I was still in Colorado and there was a light switch in my kitchen and I had no idea what it was for. I would flip the switch every now and then and nothing happened. One day I got a letter from an angry woman in Germany telling me to cut it out.) – with apologies to Steven Wright.

I remember my little girl coming home from the hospital, and we had been told she had a heart problem. (She’s fully recovered, so no tears neccassary). I would sit in the recliner and watch the AVS and the Broncos with my little girl lying on my chest. I would just tell her about the “orange guys” being the good guys, and the other guys being the “bad guys”. Sometime back I was talking to my wife about something job related, and I mentioned that I would have to deal with some “bad guys” later in the evening.

My daughter asked me if I needed to take the Denver Broncos with me to be safe.

No bigger golf ball in the jar than children.

"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe

by Steve Nichols on May 12, 2008 3:36 PM MDT up reply actions   1 recs

Another little Kate story

Everytime I turn on Madden she wants to be Jay Cutler. So I give her a controler that isnt plugged in she sits next to me on the couch and when I throw a pass with JC she goes “nice catch Jon” and then does a little dance around the room when there is a touchdown!

Davis to the Hall!

by Jon Tollerud on May 12, 2008 6:05 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Thanks for the comments Super

and even today rereading ht’s definition of GIRL/BOY I get to laughing so har dmy eyes water.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 12, 2008 11:47 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

It's nice to see...

...good old American values are still being taught to our children. Rock on, Jon!

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 11:29 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Everytime

she says “DOOM!” I crack up. There is soo much emphasis on his name and she says it with a gleam in her eye I can guess only Doom himself gets when he sees Phyllis behind center.

Davis to the Hall!

by Jon Tollerud on May 12, 2008 12:33 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I can almost see it. Thanks

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 12, 2008 12:48 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

That is a great story.

Human character does evermore publish itself.

by firstfan on May 12, 2008 2:29 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Too cute! I just got an authentic “Doom” jersey for this year. Wore Lynch the past few years. Anyway, my wife and I are going to being trying soon. It worries the hell out of me. Reading stories like this make me feel better. Already got a couple baby Broncos jackets off Ebay! I want him/her to be a Broncos fan, but my dad’s a Bears fan so I didn’t turn out the way he planned!

by Bronco Billy on May 18, 2008 10:53 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

My kids

all turned out to be Bronco fans and so far all of the grandkids are too. One of the grand kids came in wearing a jacket that said Dolphins! I cringed until I noted that is the name of his swim team and under the jacket was a Bronco jersey! Jon Tollerud and ht hit the nail on the head, kids are the biggest golf balls of all.

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind. - Emerson

by firstfan on May 19, 2008 12:32 AM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

Fracking Brilliant

That’s coming from an Eagle fan up in Longmont who’s never – in 18 years in CO – managed to much more than grudgingly accept the Donkeys….
Nice.

by cavortingEagle on May 17, 2008 10:09 AM MDT reply actions   0 recs

Maybe....

The Broncos will grow on you with time.

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind. - Emerson

by firstfan on May 17, 2008 12:51 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

I can understand the love for the Eagles.

They have a rich tradition that in someways reminds of of the love people around here love the Broncos. And as firstfan said in another post, for the longest time, all we had was the Broncos. That applied to the whole inter-mountain region.

I LOVE the Broncos.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on May 19, 2008 12:32 PM MDT up reply actions   0 recs

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