HT is like the Spock of MHR. I commend his breakdown and give a hearty two thumbs up! However, for those who inject more irrational, Capt. Kirk like thinking into who you root for on Sunday, then please take a moment to read through my “handy-dandy quick guide on who to root for based on nothing but hate and drinking”! I need a new name for it, but you get the idea.

CHI at CAR (3) – You root for neither and drink a shot every time Orton completes a forward pass.

TEN at CIN (3) – How can you not root for the Bungles demise. It’s like the team was Cinderella a few years ago and the clock has struck midnight. Enjoy a nice pumpkin ale for this game!

GB at DET (1) – If you accidentally stumble on this game, squint your eyes and imagine Rogers is Favre. Commence hating Packers. Drink a 40 of your choosing every time Detroit punts. I recommend Mickey’s.

BUF at JAX (2) – Easy game to pick. Hate the Jags. Perhaps no team outside our division has caused me so much pain. Drink straight whiskey during this game.

OAK at KC (4) – See comments above about Cincy minus the Raiders having the Cinderalla moment. We want to see the wheels come off the bus this weekend and then watch Kiffen get liberated (fired) on Monday.

IND at MIN (3) – My wife loves Peyton Manning and so I’m under obligation to root for Indy because you never cross your wife during the football season. All other seasons are fair game.

NYG at STL (1) – I want to see Bulger get folded into a pretzel by the Giants D. Drink beer out of a sippy cup whenever Eli has the ball.

NO at WAS (3) – Sadly, this will be the game I watch early. As a former DC resident I’m like a moth to the flame with the skins. They attract me because they—like our gov’t—is helplessly broken. Alcoholic beverage of choice, Mad Dog 20/20, Thunderbird, or Night Train

SF at SEA (1) – Watching this game could be bad for your health. Smoke a pack of Lucky Strikes instead.

ATL at TB (1) – See above, switch to Menthol brand of your liking.

MIA at ARI (3) – Cheer only during punts and drink moonshine during one of Chad Pennington’s b…..o…..m….b….s! It should take about 2 minutes to get to the receiver. By that time you’ll be adequately toasted.

SD at DEN (5) – No imperative needed here. Make sure you have on hand: Rivers voodoo doll, a crying baby doll for LT, and a blow horn to let all your neighbors know when the Broncos scored. Load up on lots of your favorite lite beer for the first half and premium beer during the 2nd half run to victory!!!! My personal combo is Miller Lite followed by the Troegenator Double Bock.

BAL at HOU (2) – Think happy thoughts about Texas for a change. Wish the state well.

NE at NYJ (2) – Be very careful during this game. This has Satan’s hand written all over it. You MAY be lulled into a false sense of security with Brady’s injury. You MAY find yourself rooting for Favre accidentally (remember, you’ve channeled your hatred to the Green Bay game earlier), the other Pats QB (because he’s the underdog nobody), or GASP! Randy ‘freakin" Moss (b/c he’s now mature…yada yada yada). Remember this, you root for one thing and one thing only here—A TIE! It’s the most emasculating , un-American thing that can happen! Don’t drink during this game. Must remain sober in order to avoid accidental cheering for evil teams/evil Farve. CAVEAT – If Favre goes down to injury, you make commence drinking and root against the Pats.

PITT at CLE (2) – Umm…I live in PA now, so I have to root against the Stillers. Their fans annoy me.

PHI at DAL (1) – In my opinion, the second easiest team to hate after the Faders is the Cowgirls. I want to see TO cry and will drink Coronas every time they flash to Jessica Simpson.