Quick Poem, need brutal honesty.

by BosnianBronco on Nov 19, 2009 7:06 PM MST

I was coming home from the university and being in New York City you have to walk just about everywhere so I decided to make up a poem as I make my way back. I need brutal honesty for this since I have no sense of poem composition or anything like that. P.S. Let's go Simms, hopefully he won't be as amateurish as my poem!

I sit alone in the dark

While watching the dogs of Hades bark

The first one calls to me

Soon your soul will be naught

The second yells

Is it not god who made your soul so swart

The third one whispers

Your heart is black as if Hades himself brought it about

And so I sit alone in the dark

This will be me if we loose to the Chargers on Sunday. SO PLEASE McD DON'T MAKE ME SIT IN THE DARK!!!!

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Comments

I'm not much of a poet

But it would probably be better if you used the edit button and took away those 800 lines of font computer gibberish stuff.

Adelante, Broncos!

by Chapulin Colorado on Nov 19, 2009 7:58 PM MST reply actions

Word.

If Taylor Swift were to try and tackle me, I'd let her.

by Troy Hufford on Nov 19, 2009 8:03 PM MST up reply actions

WTF!

that shit was good, make sure to share next time

by kchav21 on Nov 19, 2009 9:59 PM MST reply actions

kchav21

Let’s keep it family oriented, all right?

Moreno/Buckhalter in '09

by Doc Bear on Nov 19, 2009 10:01 PM MST reply actions

Cheer up Bos

That was awful Dark.(No Pun intended). A pretty good piece.

Character may be manifested in the great moments but it is made in the small ones -- Philip Brooks

by KaptainKirk on Nov 19, 2009 11:16 PM MST reply actions

Thanks for the comments

Hopefully I wont have to go hide in a dark corner if our Broncos lose :(

Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself, becomes reactionary.

- Marshal Broz Tito

by BosnianBronco on Nov 20, 2009 1:17 AM MST reply actions

I liked it

Verbose in style, dispersion of thought, procrastination in life.

The guy formerly known as ZAPPA

by Tim Lynch on Nov 20, 2009 11:55 AM MST reply actions

Good start!

But I’d add (at least) another stanza.

So the three dogs have spoken to you. What do you do now? Hopefully not just sit alone in the dark? Maybe something else speaks to you. Maybe you speak back to the dogs. Maybe you drink some foul brew (or draught); maybe you burn your Cutler jersey…

It needs more.

"Remember, it's only a game."

by robswenson on Nov 20, 2009 4:00 PM MST reply actions