LIghtening the Mood: NFL related humor

The economy sucks, people are losing their jobs or if you are a state employee, have to take mandatory furloughs.  And you know what the worst part of it all is, I never learned to read.  No actually, the Broncos lost.  But cheer up my friends, here is something to cheer you up about the economy and the Denver Broncos. 

After scouring the internet I was able to find a ton of NFL related job openings posted by NFL teams and players. So boom, helping the economy and our doom and gloom.  Enjoy!

The New England Patriots-Video Assistant

Applicant must suck at golf and be sly and not be friends with Eric Mangini

Adam Schefter-Blackberry Support

Unfortunately you must be with Adam 24-7.  While he eats, sleeps, showers, and well, you know

New York Jets-Hot Dog Vendor

Last week Mark Sanchez ate a hot dog and the jets won 38-0.  This week no hot dog and a loss.  Meaning, the Jets need to improve their diet. 

Jay Cutler-Psychotherapist

In case he gets his feelings hurt again. 

Green Bay Packers-Left Tackle

Actually this one's not a joke.  The Packers were actually hoping one of you could maybe play left tackle next game. 

Brandon Marshall-Conscience

Brandon Stokely is nearing the end of his career and retiring soon. So he needs to start to train someone else to take his current job. 

Bus Cook-Gastrointerologist 

Bus needs somebody to siphon out all the crap the he is full of. 

Oakland Raiders-Cryptkeeper

For their beloved owner.  Must have 4.3 speed, however,

John Madden-Bus Operator

If a grizzly looking man named Brett wearing #4 stops by late at night just let him in.  Later if a sportswriter named Peter comes by howling at the bus for said Brett, please just chase him away. 

Kyle Orton and Jake Plummer-DNA Tester

Let's see both sport amazing facial hair, and despite their detractors win most of their games.  Are you two sure your not brothers?  Neckbeard and Grizzly Man cut from the same cloth.  Job might also include doing the genetic make-up of Brian Dawkins/Wolverine. 

Brian Griese-Dog walker

Dog is known to be a bit high strung.  Must be strong and nimble when going down stairs. 

Rick Reilly, Jamie Dukes, John Clayton, and Mark Schereth-Waiter

To serve them crow! Also with a side of Stink's Green Chili, It's actually pretty good

AJ Smith-Home Nurse

Because everytime Drew Brees and Michael Turner score a touchdown, AJ craps his pants. 

Kansas City Chiefs-Diversity Instructor

Larry Johnson hates gay people (twitter)

Todd Haley and Scott Pioli hate Latinos (traded Tony Gonzales)

Name Chiefs is culturally offensive to Native Americans (Okay that's a bit of stretch especially when there is a team nicknamed the Redskins.  Seriously, if the Washington Bullets can change their name why doesn't the football team, but I digress.)

The Sports Guru (AKA John Bena)-Locksmith

The next time the Broncos beat the Patriots we don't want the Guru to be locked out of his house so we need someone to help a brother out. 

Have a good week everyone!