LIghtening the Mood: NFL related humor
The economy sucks, people are losing their jobs or if you are a state employee, have to take mandatory furloughs. And you know what the worst part of it all is, I never learned to read. No actually, the Broncos lost. But cheer up my friends, here is something to cheer you up about the economy and the Denver Broncos.
After scouring the internet I was able to find a ton of NFL related job openings posted by NFL teams and players. So boom, helping the economy and our doom and gloom. Enjoy!
The New England Patriots-Video Assistant
Applicant must suck at golf and be sly and not be friends with Eric Mangini
Adam Schefter-Blackberry Support
Unfortunately you must be with Adam 24-7. While he eats, sleeps, showers, and well, you know
New York Jets-Hot Dog Vendor
Last week Mark Sanchez ate a hot dog and the jets won 38-0. This week no hot dog and a loss. Meaning, the Jets need to improve their diet.
Jay Cutler-Psychotherapist
In case he gets his feelings hurt again.
Green Bay Packers-Left Tackle
Actually this one's not a joke. The Packers were actually hoping one of you could maybe play left tackle next game.
Brandon Marshall-Conscience
Brandon Stokely is nearing the end of his career and retiring soon. So he needs to start to train someone else to take his current job.
Bus Cook-Gastrointerologist
Bus needs somebody to siphon out all the crap the he is full of.
Oakland Raiders-Cryptkeeper
For their beloved owner. Must have 4.3 speed, however,
John Madden-Bus Operator
If a grizzly looking man named Brett wearing #4 stops by late at night just let him in. Later if a sportswriter named Peter comes by howling at the bus for said Brett, please just chase him away.
Kyle Orton and Jake Plummer-DNA Tester
Let's see both sport amazing facial hair, and despite their detractors win most of their games. Are you two sure your not brothers? Neckbeard and Grizzly Man cut from the same cloth. Job might also include doing the genetic make-up of Brian Dawkins/Wolverine.
Brian Griese-Dog walker
Dog is known to be a bit high strung. Must be strong and nimble when going down stairs.
Rick Reilly, Jamie Dukes, John Clayton, and Mark Schereth-Waiter
To serve them crow! Also with a side of Stink's Green Chili, It's actually pretty good
AJ Smith-Home Nurse
Because everytime Drew Brees and Michael Turner score a touchdown, AJ craps his pants.
Kansas City Chiefs-Diversity Instructor
Larry Johnson hates gay people (twitter)
Todd Haley and Scott Pioli hate Latinos (traded Tony Gonzales)
Name Chiefs is culturally offensive to Native Americans (Okay that's a bit of stretch especially when there is a team nicknamed the Redskins. Seriously, if the Washington Bullets can change their name why doesn't the football team, but I digress.)
The Sports Guru (AKA John Bena)-Locksmith
The next time the Broncos beat the Patriots we don't want the Guru to be locked out of his house so we need someone to help a brother out.
Have a good week everyone!
This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR
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Hahahahaha. That was awesome.
I’ll start updating my resume.
If Taylor Swift were to try and tackle me, I'd let her.
by kentuckybronco on Nov 2, 2009 4:59 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Also guru can tell his wife
“The Broncos will beat the Patriots. LOCK IT.”
"Really, I'm a high-motor guy. Tough, hard-nosed, a hard runner, can make you miss at times. And just competitive. I love to play the game and I bring that energy to my team. So, we'll see how that goes." - Knowshon Moreno
Knowshon Moreno=ROY
by stedtfeld on Nov 2, 2009 5:02 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
and according to RMT, she WILL!!!!!!!!!
If Taylor Swift were to try and tackle me, I'd let her.
by kentuckybronco on Nov 2, 2009 5:05 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Mission Accomplished RMT
Mood Lightened. Lol
Character may be manifested in the great moments but it is made in the small ones -- Philip Brooks
by KaptainKirk on Nov 2, 2009 5:28 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
rec'd fo sho
Verbose in style, dispersion of thought, procrastination in life.
The guy formerly known as ZAPPA
by Tim Lynch on Nov 2, 2009 5:29 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Washington Bullets....
There is irony in there somewhere that has to do with the laws in that town….its there…just can’t put my finger on it. :P
Verbose in style, dispersion of thought, procrastination in life.
The guy formerly known as ZAPPA
by Tim Lynch on Nov 2, 2009 5:29 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
I know
they didn’t want to be known as the Washington Crackheads. LOL.
Character may be manifested in the great moments but it is made in the small ones -- Philip Brooks
by KaptainKirk on Nov 2, 2009 5:48 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
I was going to say Washington Crooks
Verbose in style, dispersion of thought, procrastination in life.
The guy formerly known as ZAPPA
by Tim Lynch on Nov 2, 2009 6:38 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Added to AJ Smith/San Diego
What do you mean they could have kept Brees and drafted Larry Fitzgerald instead of Eli/Rivers?
Owning the Patriots since September 9, 1960
by Darin H on Nov 2, 2009 8:52 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Hey RMT
Hits the spot, man!!!!!
I like the Chiefs hate Latinos job. I think we could get some real traction here.
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
by TJ Johnson on Nov 3, 2009 9:30 AM MST reply actions 0 recs

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