With my tush in its couch crater and my feet resting lightly on the cat, I slowly peeled back the rich leather bound opus The Denver Broncos 2009 Regular Season by our old pal Denivar Broncovsky. Where was I? Ahhh yes, Part 2: Chapter 1 The Raven.
Once upon a midnight dreary...
What the hell was that?
I closed the book to see if I had the right one. Hmm. Okay. So Broncovsky opens the chapter with an absolute smashing of one of our heroes on the first play. Yes well, that won't do at all.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing...
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core
Okay, so the whole chapter is devoted to all of the heroes getting tossed, derided, and generally slapped about by these carrion munching fowl. This unkindness of ravens.
I turned to Freedom, who had brought along his own copy of the tale, cause we're a coupla girls like that. (He brought along his copy of Twilight as well, but I told him that we would have to wait to read that to each other after the game).
Meh. That chapter sucked.
I got up to call my dad back in Denver.
"Will it happen again?"
"What if it does?"
"Are you crying?"
"What? No! No way."
"You're a real wuss, Dad."
Freedom: "Is your dad crying?"
"Is that The Dome?"
"He thinks you should stop crying Dad."
"I'm not crying."
Dad thought the beginning of Part 2 was super lame, too.
"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
My wife came down from the boys room.
"Your son pooed his pants."
"The Broncos lost."
"Um. Okay. Your son has serious skiddies going on. Can you deal with that please?"
"The Broncos lost."
"Yeah, heard you the first time. Why don't you work through those issues with your little poopy mongrel in the bathroom."
"Thing of evil."
"What did you say?"
"Just clean his damn pants."
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
Yeah, well, we'll see you punks in the playoffs.