Part 2: Chapter 1 -- The Raven
by puddletown on Nov 3, 2009 10:12 PM MST
24 comments
With my tush in its couch crater and my feet resting lightly on the cat, I slowly peeled back the rich leather bound opus The Denver Broncos 2009 Regular Season by our old pal Denivar Broncovsky. Where was I? Ahhh yes, Part 2: Chapter 1 The Raven.
Once upon a midnight dreary...
What?
What the hell was that?
I closed the book to see if I had the right one. Hmm. Okay. So Broncovsky opens the chapter with an absolute smashing of one of our heroes on the first play. Yes well, that won't do at all.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing...
Um.
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core
Okay, so the whole chapter is devoted to all of the heroes getting tossed, derided, and generally slapped about by these carrion munching fowl. This unkindness of ravens.
I turned to Freedom, who had brought along his own copy of the tale, cause we're a coupla girls like that. (He brought along his copy of Twilight as well, but I told him that we would have to wait to read that to each other after the game).
Meh. That chapter sucked.
I got up to call my dad back in Denver.
"That sucked."
"Yup."
"Will it happen again?"
"Hope not."
"What if it does?"
"Are you crying?"
"What? No! No way."
"You're a real wuss, Dad."
Freedom: "Is your dad crying?"
"Yup."
"Is that The Dome?"
"He thinks you should stop crying Dad."
"I'm not crying."
Dad thought the beginning of Part 2 was super lame, too.
"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
My wife came down from the boys room.
"Your son pooed his pants."
"The Broncos lost."
"Um. Okay. Your son has serious skiddies going on. Can you deal with that please?"
"The Broncos lost."
"Yeah, heard you the first time. Why don't you work through those issues with your little poopy mongrel in the bathroom."
"Thing of evil."
"What did you say?"
"Boll weevil."
"Just clean his damn pants."
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
Yeah, well, we'll see you punks in the playoffs.
This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR
15 recs |
24 comments
| Add comment
Email
Print
Comments
BOLL WEEVIL!!!!
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison
"Success is not a place at which one arrives, but rather... the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey."
- Alex Noble
by DenBronx on Nov 6, 2009 11:27 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Why'd you cut off the word doubting?
Seems like that word fits perfectly. At least for some fans. We did lose by 27……ouch. Then again, if you had kept every apt or well written word, damn near the whole poem would get posted. Nice moment of zen after a Beatdown in Baltimore.
by RaRaDonk89 on Nov 4, 2009 3:04 AM MST reply actions 0 recs
Indeed
It was tempting to go through the whole poem. It matched up quite well.
We should teach Moreno the Mississippi Mud Walk.
by puddletown on Nov 4, 2009 7:47 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
lol
Verbose in style, dispersion of thought, procrastination in life.
The guy formerly known as ZAPPA
by Tim Lynch on Nov 4, 2009 7:32 AM MST reply actions 0 recs
Excellent stuff!
As a Poe fan, I was looking forward to your take on one of his classics. The dialogue with your wife was hilarious as well!
I don’t think Poe really lends himself to the Steelers game, but the first line from The Casque of Amontillado struck me as I was reading your post:
"The thousand injuries of Roethlisberger I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge…
I haven’t forgotten about the AFC Championship Game as you can see!
- Jason
I gather speed by you f***ing with me - EV
by jubei on Nov 4, 2009 8:14 AM MST reply actions 0 recs
Was it not you who suggested that this chapter be called The Raven, like three weeks ago?
If so, I tip my hat and thank you kindly.
We should teach Moreno the Mississippi Mud Walk.
by puddletown on Nov 4, 2009 11:53 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Wish I could take the credit, but no.
I do get a kick out of the series, though. You should keep it up!
- Jason
I gather speed by you f***ing with me - EV
by jubei on Nov 4, 2009 1:31 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Poe or poo, a really good read!
Character may be manifested in the great moments but it is made in the small ones -- Philip Brooks
by KaptainKirk on Nov 4, 2009 8:49 AM MST reply actions 0 recs
Gah! I used to love me some EAP
But now, oh the vile Sunday happening that shall now be associated with his most famous prose!
Ah well…still better than Twilight.
"Take what you can. Give nothing back!"
by Colorado_Kitten on Nov 4, 2009 12:18 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Apologies!
We should teach Moreno the Mississippi Mud Walk.
by puddletown on Nov 4, 2009 4:04 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
SERIOUS SKIDDIES GOING ON
Thats just great.
by johnnyurrotten on Nov 4, 2009 1:50 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
I love your humor
Thanks for another great one pt!
That chapter did suck – I can’t wait to collectively read the next one together (and hope it has just about the exact opposite outcome).
Hail the Broncos!
First team to three consecutive SB wins!!!! and then some, right? I think four and someone else oughtta have a 'fair' shot : )
by PearlJamBroncoGFunk on Nov 4, 2009 4:50 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Every great classic
has some passages that are tedious & painful. Denivar Broncovski remained true to himself. It was as painful for him to pen Part 2 Chapter 1 as it was for us to read. He realizes that true enlightenment can be experienced at the crest of our imaginations as well as in the pit of our bowels. The Raven is but a prelude to a new & glorious chapter that should be riveting, (ha ha, steelers, riveting, I break myself down too much!). Rec’d for the wonderful treatment of Poe. Possible parallel suggestions for Part 2, Chapter 2 could be: Atlas Shrugged, Great Expectations, or any number of appropriate Greek tradgedies. Keep rocking Bronco Country with your unique perspective as we continue our epic literary journey
"He can take his'n n beat your'n, or he can take your'n n beat his'n." Florida A&M Coach Jake Gaither on Alabama Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant.
by turnerstoe on Nov 4, 2009 9:04 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
With responses as eloqunent as this one
I would be remiss if I did not give it a bash every week. That said, I was curious to see that you used the Polish root of Denivar’s surname (Bronkovski, as opposed to Broncovsky). Little is known about his formative years in Poland, as he so fully embraced Russia and her culture upon his move to Minsk. From what I have gleaned from rare books and loose odds and ends over the years, it seems he was desperate to escape either his extended Polish family, or, as I’ve heard told, some rather unseemly incidences concerning the fathering of children at a relatively young age to considerably older women. Considering your subtle reference to his roots, I am wonder what additional information you might have, especially concerning his Polish years? Pray tell….
We should teach Moreno the Mississippi Mud Walk.
by puddletown on Nov 4, 2009 9:38 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
OMFG
I am about to lose my SH^t at work right now. you guys are F#$%#$% Hilarious. I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!!!
BroncoBeers™ FOR ALL!!!!
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison
"Success is not a place at which one arrives, but rather... the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey."
- Alex Noble
by DenBronx on Nov 6, 2009 9:35 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Did you say beer?
This Raven chapter sucks. Time for the next one.
Good read though. Keep them coming Puddletown.
Earth, Wind and Beer - Uintah
by Beer30Bronco on Nov 6, 2009 11:08 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Verily I did
In fact, if you notice the name, Broncobeer™ is my new, yet uninvented Broncos Refreshment. Of course not having any brewing experience, I do have some interesting ideas about an Orange Flavored Ale, and a Blueberry Flavored Wheat Beer. EGADS!!! I have given my secrets away!!!!! good thing I have that fake trademark patent……..DOH!!!!!
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison
"Success is not a place at which one arrives, but rather... the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey."
- Alex Noble
by DenBronx on Nov 6, 2009 11:25 AM MST up reply actions 0 recs
My faux pas,puddletown!
Denivar Bronkovsky, hidden in seclusion in some gridiron gulag as he renders his greatest work, would like nothing more than to remember “nevermore” the shameless yet exhilarating past of Broncovski. I have revealed too much. I can tell you that your suspicions do indeed have merit, sadly to say, on all counts. Ah, the frivolity of a misspent & wanton youth. Yet it is that shame that drives him now in the cold austerity of his present & harsh condition. I can reveal no more, until a deep run into the post season is realized!
"He can take his'n n beat your'n, or he can take your'n n beat his'n." Florida A&M Coach Jake Gaither on Alabama Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant.
by turnerstoe on Nov 6, 2009 1:25 PM MST up reply actions 0 recs
Hilarious!
The wife dialogue had me rolling. Skiddies!
Keep em’ coming Puddle!
by aLuffabo on Nov 6, 2009 10:32 AM MST reply actions 0 recs
Humorous tale indeed!
Recommending fanposts on the opponents site, is not my preferred method for game preperation, but it must be done, thank you for a very enjoyable read!
I like your username too, but suggest that you not do a piece on Matt Spaeth’s whereabouts.
"I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play." Jack Lambert
by LongTimeSteelersFan on Nov 6, 2009 12:36 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Man that’s good stuff. But I’d sure trade 6-1 for 4-3 any day. Home field is soooo huge. I am looking forward to the Bronco-Pitt game as much as ours.
by raven on Nov 6, 2009 10:40 PM MST reply actions 0 recs
Join the community and dive in!
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
Getting Social With MHR
Next Game
Web Stuff
Certain photos copyright © 2009 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
