The Dude Abides...It's Limerick Time, Jokeland Raiders, Round 2

The Raiders of yesterday are gone
JaMarcus just does not belong
Lamonica, Stabler and Gannon
Had more than just a cannon
And Seymore knows it’s just wrong

Momma told me there would be days like this,
Monday thru Saturday I have to read this list,
It’s a small Frye up on short order,
But, wat will they do when he goes down in the first quarter,
Mr Russell will meet Mr Doom…I presume!

Every time your team gets in a tussle,
It’s obvious the whole team lacks hustle,
When your stats go splat,
And you’re backs on the mat,
May as well give up and start Russell

They say your gettting too old
But I know your just being bold
         Your in the hall of fame
         Draftings your game
Keep doing it because it’s becoming Broncos Gold!

JaMarcus will lose them the game
But he’ll find his receivers are to blame
Yet when Elvis shows his class
Russell will for sure see the grass
The victory will be the Broncos’ to claim

The Raiders are oh, so weak,
Their future surely looks bleak,
But when we play them on game day,
The only thing one can say,
Is dang, they make the Broncos look sleek.

Nhamdi is a tough name to say
He is the only oak raider to play
But we have a guy
Who jumps to the sky
Mr. Marshall will beat Nhamdi all day.

Fast Eddie, we miss you so much
As of late, you’ve lacked Midas’s touch
On sunday’s your chance
For a sweet TD dance
Go prove to us you can be clutch.

It’s fun to watch Us beat a team down,
Especially when their owner’s a clown,
So let’s hope this week,
Our team reaches it’s peak,
And the Raiders cry as they head outta town.

Mocking the Raiders is fun,
I don’t ever want it to be done,
Unless somehow they beat Us,
Not likely, unless the refs cheat Us,
The Broncos will always shine to me, like the sun.

I won’t count it out to the letter,
But let’s see if a Raider fan can do better,
Cause each win warms me up,
Like good wine in my cup,
The best they can hope for might be a sweater.

As a fan who knows it is sweeter,
To have Our coach be a true leader,
Who’ll have not a reason,
Like Tom, come end of season,
Considered lucky, employed as a Wal-Mart greeter.

It matters not, what kind of weather,
The question remains, will they ever,
Come out of the grime,
Stop playing like slime,
Or remain a dead cow, like leather.

Who thought GFunk would ever be finished,
The competition for limerick has diminished,
Maybe all are at work,
And an added perk,
You’ll all clock out and end the day with a grin-ish.

There once was a team called the Raiders.

There once was a gal named Sadie
Who knew that the faders were shady
So Look out Ryan
You know I’m not lyin’
Cuz Seymour pulls hair like a lady!

Some say Bronco fans lack emotion,
While Oaktown’s a silver-black ocean.
But the Barrel Man proved
(though now sadly removed)
That in some ways, we cause a commotion.

We now take a moment to ponder
The opposite sideline far yonder.
Where Cable will scream,
Al’s jewelry does gleam,
And Jamarcus continues to wander.

The Raiders have history unending.
Past championships, and Madden ascending.
But if they don’t get serious,
It’s just as Al fears, yes,
Their franchise rights they’ll be defending.

Let’s all hope Al’s heart keeps on tickin
Ensuring a Raiders butt kickin
For while he is alive
Silver & Black will not thrive
Many more laughs at his first round pickin

It began as a very nice dream:
“I can build up my own football team!”
He changed players and coaches,
Then in slipped the roaches,
And the Raiders fell apart at the seams.

The raiders’ woes Al just can’t fix.
Great players it looks like he’s mixed.
The thing that’s so funny,
Is that it costs money
For 10 years of top 5 draft picks!

Braces and pads and pads protect chests.
And helmets ensure intact crests.
But JaMarcus Russell,
Who’s all fat, no muscle,
Needs a bra to support his Man Breasts!

If colors were points of IQ
A genius would be orange and blue.
What kind of sad hack
Would choose silver and black?
A color-blind raider, that’s who!

The Broncos come Sunday will play stellar
We’ll put those Raiders down like Old Yeller
It’s like they’re in prison
Within their division
Locked year after year in the cellar

Oh, to the raiders fans, hail!
Compared to your service, we pale.
It’s great you don’t need
To learn numbers or read,
And you nicely fill up every jail!

A letter to Nnamdi Asomugha
Who’s team is always done by Octoba’
You’d look good in Blue
Or and Orange shirt too
Cuz’ on that team of misfits you’re a Soulja

(Forgive the poetic license please)

Myths of Raider Nation abound
Though they don’t have a city (or town)
From the team’s style of play
The hole they’re from today
Is not at all black, but is brown.

Been working on my STDL for today so I haven’t been back for a day after posting. Holy crap I can’t stop laughing at these. I am wondering if I should go and post this over at Silver and Black Pride to see if we can get them to participate.

Of all the fans that I think would enjoy this the most, it would be those guys.

They say Broncos talent is high
That our roster is stout, save one guy.
Our quarterback depth
Is called barely inept.
But at least we won’t start Charlie Frye.

Two down, one to go, and then what?
Doom will have Charlie Frye on his butt.
Though I want no one hurt,
When ol’ Frye hits the dirt,
The kicker might pass better than the Hutt.

is hilarious, TJ. Love it.

Frow da ball deep.
And run lots.
donkeys suck DONKEYS SUCK
We beat you ass.
Peace out.

Reppin the Westside Bay
Ya’ll cant even compare to our play
We may be last
But I cant wait to watch Oak whoop some donkey ass
Heres some advice to kyle
You better be careful at the bottom of the pile
Cause Trevor Scott will be huntin your back
Like a sucied Bomber straight out of Iraq
He’ll blow up the O-Line
So try not to whine
After you get sacked time after time
Now hears a line for all the Donkey swine
Its gonna be hard to hide the fear while holding back the tears
forget about hearing cheers
There will be no celebration beers after the game
Denver will be playin so lame
It will shoot Oakland back into fame
right where we belong
Back at the top of the game

The Raiders: Consistently lame.
Year after year it’s the same.
But you can be certain
Oak-Land will be hurtin’
’Till Davis is cast to the flames.

Gradkowski had a clue.
Now hurt, they don’t know what to do
JaMarcus must have to cry,
they went with Frye.
To add more to the fans’ frustration,
they still have no clue they are part of the conquered fader nation!

Their fans show up all dressed in chains
While Davis frets, his bank account drains
His high priced rookies
Just crumble like cookies
While his leisure suit gathers more stains.

The QB-go-round switches often
Come on, really? You hired J.P. Losman?
Your new acquisition
Proves the raiders lack vision.
You might as well field Donny Osmond.

For all the IQ points you lack
You make up in kilos of crack.
If wins aren’t your thing,
But you like shiny bling,
Then you must bleed silver and black.

The raiders might eke out a win,
For at key positions, we’re thin.
But know, if we lose,
We still will not choose
A draft pick within the top ten!

Our draft pick in two-thousand ten
Is not really ours. It depends
On how well the Bears do,
And they’re virtually through.
Good old Cutler still pays dividends!

Up in the Owners box sat old Owner Al
Who just wants somebody to be his pal
So many top 10 Draft Picks and not one friend
All Al wants is a Super Bowl before he meets his end
Ho ho ho the answer is no
Ho ho ho no to a Super Bowl
So when Al Davis goes the heavenly way
He’s going to have to see orange sunsets every day

So when Santa fills the stockings of the Raiders team
When they get up in the morning it is like a bad dream
JaMarcus got up early, ate the candy and the sweets
Then he ate Santa’s reindeer leaving only the feet
Ho ho ho still the answer is no
Ho ho no to a Super Bowl
The future of the Raiders has now gotten so sad
No presents for the Raiders, Santa’s P.O.’d mad