Wherefore yoga?? Et tu, hoodie??

Howdy cowpokes, this here's yer ol pal BroncosMontana bringing you a yarn you're sure to adore. I sure hope so anyway. They say you shouldn't drink and write, so I'll limit myself to just this one brewski (it's a micro, even, so you know these ramblings will be legit) and ask for your indulgence and forgiveness in advance.  

Now, here then is the sad, woeful, exclusive background story of the tragic, untimely Dove Valley demise of America's greatest most treasured most favoritest national pastime. 

That's right.  Yoga.

Yoga, as you may be aware, was the first thing in the new proposed training regimen that new Denver Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels axed this year.  

Apart from Jay Cutler.  (Pow!  Zing!)

Many thought it amusing (even adorable) when McDaniels first took his place at the podium saying, "Today somebody came into my office and asked me about a yoga instructor helping the players. I never thought I'd be talking about yoga. I don't know anything about yoga.  And, incidentally, I'm picking out blinds for the office windows."

That was how interesting yoga was to the new head man at Dove Valley.  On par with window treatments.  So one would think that would be that.

But, every now and then, he mentioned it again.  Like he couldn't help enjoying it, twisting that daggar in its side.  

"Some of the decisions you make on a daily basis, on non-football issues, have been a little surprising. The color of the paint on your walls. Whether to do yoga. I've never really had the opportunity to decide things like that."

(You know, he was saying, non-football issues...like whether to do yoga.)

Most of the reporters present just chuckled that one off.  Yet, the one or two attentive folks in the room (only one or two -- let's face it, this was the local MSM) picked up on this subtle adjustment in rhetoric and took note. Window blinds were now comparatively exciting -- yoga was now down at the very bottom of the McDaniels to do list.  Next to paint. 

(Presumeably, the type of paint that he'd rather sit and watch drying.)

Maybe it was around this time that he learned that the Cincinatti Bengals had a yoga program.  That couldn't have made a good impression.

Yes, yoga was definitely starting to bother him.  The more he thought about it -- big men on mats in leotards in awkward suggestive poses -- the angrier it made him.  He was incensed.  No one could talk to him for a week.  Not even his wife or Jay Cutler.

Then very late one night, alone in the film room at Dove Valley, he was breaking down game film, analyzing the play of last year's linebackers... shuddering at the play of Jamie Winborn....  wait a second... he remembered something one of the coaches had told him...

Jamie freakin' Winborn did YOGA.

The word escaped faster than Bus Cook's client quarterbacks.

"YOGGGGGAAAAAA!!!" he screamed to no one in particular.  

The only other soul left at that late Dove Valley hour was Horace, the janitor, who dove into a broom closet. Horace was already jumpy -- having been passed over for the head coaching position himself, he now worried his previous year's sanitization duties would not pass muster to McDaniels's eagle-like eye. (The coach had requested the film.)  

And now YOGA (like Winborn) was TOAST.

----

Okay, now that I have all THAT out of my system let's talk a little about yoga.  

Yes, Jamie Winborn practices yoga.  Yes, the Bengals practice yoga.  No, they're not alone.  

The Seahawks, they of a recent Superbowl runner-up status, do yoga.  

The Giants, they who beat McDaniels' former and formerly undefeated team, hold yoga classes for an hour and a half every Tuesday and Thursday.  Attendance is mandatory.  (That Tom Coughlin is such a softie.)

And this year's Superbowl champions -- that's right, even those wildassed Steelers do yoga. 

Here's a glimpse of a Steelers yoga session: 

The players are told to breathe continuously. Looking at their faces, there are times you wonder if they are breathing at all. You can hear bones cracking. But they are focused, they stare with an intensity that is usually only seen on game day as they do their yoga poses.

They are asked to do sit back on their ankles in a pose that looks harmless enough. When one player says, "This is a nightmare," you learn fast it's not as easy as it looks.

Running back Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala struggles some, feeling pain. When asked what's bothering him the ankles or the knees, his answer says it all:  "Everything, cuz." 

Most players who do yoga regularly swear by the rigors and benefits:

It's probably the toughest thing I've ever done in my life as an athlete. A lot of players give out. I remember the first time I went, I fell out.  

-- Seahawks CB Ken Lucas

Some of the stuff is not a lot of effort required, but it's poses your body doesn't want to go into but needs to be to be properly aligned. People think it's stretching and flexibility. There is a lot more to it -- strengthening muscles that you are not used to using and that's what is difficult about it.

-- Steelers TE Matt Cushing

A lot of guys didn't know much about yoga. You always hear about it. It is a workout itself. It's as tiring as lifting weights and running. In the game we play that's a necessity we need. You are stretching muscles you never knew you had. That's good to be able to be flexible like that.  

-- Steelers WR Hines Ward

If I hadn't done yoga, I'd be out of the league by now.

-- Giants WR Amani Toomer, a 13-year NFL veteran 

I fell asleep, and when I came to, I was the only one in here. That's some good stuff there.

-- Bengals LB Khalid Abdullah

Okay, so that last one does have me wondering if the Bengals are doing it correctly.

However, Marvin Lewis is a big believer, as is Carson Palmer.  "The yoga gives us a chance to improve our flexibility and core strength and that's what this is all about," Lewis said. "Ultimately, it's about winning games." 

Exactly.  (I think?)

And YES, Jamie Winborn does yoga.  But LOTS of Broncos have.  CHAMPIONSHIP Broncos.  In fact, according to the Interwebs, John Elway, Shannon Sharpe, Terrell Davis, Rod Smith and (unsurprisingly) Bill Romonowski are all on the client list of some dude named Yoga Danny.  And check out Stinky Schlereth and Trey Wingo gettin' their yoga freak on.

What am I getting at with all this yoga talk, you ask?

Well, I myself have not won Superbowls, but I have done yoga.  The only reason it's not part of my regular workout routine is because I don't actually have a regular workout routine (but if I did it totally would be and I would freakin' ROCK at it and have abs of freakin STEEL dude).  Actually, I have hypertension and yoga has become an occassional stress reducer for me.  But I digress.  

I guess my point is, I have a little bit of first hand experience with it, as may some of our other MHR bretheren, and if you've tried it at all you've probably come away with (a) a newfound respect for yoga instructors and maybe also (b) a ruptured armpit.  

The stuff is SICK, yo.

"So why did McDaniels drop yoga from the program?" the collective MHR family asks ourselves in astonishment.  "Does he really know nothing about yoga?"

I believe he does know what yoga is for.  My friends, gentlemen and ladies, I have a theory about that, and you might want to get up and stand back because I'm about to test the terms and conditions of my Orange Homer card by challenging the hoodie headed honcho himself. 

Don't get me wrong -- I love me some McDaniels coach-em-ups.  I love that he painted his office white, so the players have to squint when they sit across from him.  I love that he dared to draft for talent and value, so the players know they're strongest as a team.  I love that he plays DB in practice to watch how receivers break out of their stride, so the cornerbacks know that he can *literally* replace them at the drop of a hat.  I love that he traded next year's first rounder NOT because he loves The Phonz but because he just wanted to challenge our guys to fight tooth and claw for a better record than the Bears next year (okay, that's just a theory -- don't worry, he loves you Phonz! Aaaaaayyy!)

But wherefore yoga?  It's hard to believe he honestly doesn't know *anything* about yoga.  So what compelled him to do that?  Upon rumination (and another beer just now, yum!), I came up with a pretty good conspiracy angle, in my own humble opinion.  

I think that cutting yoga may just have been part of the attitude adjustment for a team that he realized needed to get nastier and more physical, and less... "new agey"??  We all want a tough team, so on the surface it may not seem like much of a trade off, but consider the demands on Bronco bodies that will come with getting nastier and more physical.  

As usual, hoosierteacher summed up the entire message with a fraction of the word count in a recent post looking back on a dismal 2008:  

One thing I want to really push this offseason - The strength and conditioning program (as well as the training staff) needs to be audited.  I would really like to see a much higher emphasis placed on stretching, flexibility, and other injury prevention methods.  I'm not big on yoga, but it did help our two SB teams, and would certainly help with injury reduction.  Injuries will happen, and many injuries will happen from time to time.  But I'm getting pretty sick of "hammy" and groin injuries.  This rate of torn and pulled muscle injuries is inexcusable.

And while you may or may not care for Hines Ward, he brings it all home quite nicely.

It’s a necessity, I want to do it. It hurts like crap doing it, but in the long run it’s going to help all of us out better, especially with injuries and as the season goes on your body gets fatigued. If you are doing yoga twice a week it will help you out. With the position I play I do a lot of running and stuff with my legs. This helps your legs recover faster and gives you more flexibility. It helps you work muscles, your groin muscles, hamstring and quads. I go home and sit and watch TV and do yoga. A lot of people sit on the couch and watch TV or lay in bed. I am doing some of the yoga poses while watching TV and it helps me come in the next day fresh. You want recovery time.

You see where I'm going with this?  

I, like hoosierteacher, and you, am sick to the freakin' teeth of weird, nagging injuries.  HT was right -- injuries happen but some can be avoided by keeping limber.

You can say all seven of our running backs were having an "off" astrological year last year.  You can say that last season was just one freak of nature after another.  You can even say that the injuries, taken together, infers there was a systemic conditioning problem.  But all I know is, looking back, yoga doesn't seem like it would have been part of the problem.  

I wonder (aloud, you could hear me if you were here) how many guys would have gone down last year had they been doing yoga? And here's an intriguing angle, cuz I know you guys love intriguing angles.  

I actually like Kyle Orton, but consider this.  

Maybe the New England Patriots didn't do yoga.  But maybe if they had ... and Tom Brady's leg had been an iota more flexible on that fateful day... maybe... just maybe...  

.. we'd still have Jay Cutler.  Oooooooooooooo!!!   Now you have chills, right??   Or not.  It's Friday, go with your gut feeling.  

My logic may be bending a little here, but I don't believe it's breaking.  

Okay, now THAT sounded like a Woody Paige ending -- a play on words less clever than overwrought, vague yet smug, and which doesn't really tie back to anything I just said in any meaningful way.  Perfect time to run!

Peace.