You Might Be an Orangeneck if . . .

     I was finishing up some grading for summer school, with my iTunes library on shuffle mode (I hate to work in silence), when a Jeff Foxworthy "You Might Be a Redneck If . . ." tracks came on.  So . . . I just had to:

(with appreciation (and apologies) to Jeff Foxworthy, and a great word of thanks to all MHR contributors)

You might be an orangeneck if . . . 

You visit a Broncos newsite as often as you talk to your spouse.

You decorate an entire room in your house with Broncos gear.

You see summer as the longest, most useless time of the year (July should be banned from the calendar).

You think the four seasons are the Pre-season, the Regular season, the Post Season and the Off Season.

Bronco-ism is a religion which demands that you make converts.

You think the Faders and Dolts are the dregs of the earth and the Chiefs are largely irrelevant.

You scream at your TV every time something bad happens in the game.

You believe all the bad things that happen to the Broncos are the fault of the officiating (with the exception of Ed's call).

You change your childrens' legal names to Knowshon, Eddie, Peyton, or Kyle.

You have Twilight Zone dreams in which the Broncos go 19-0 for 13 years in a row.

You wish live games could be saved and reloaded like video games so you can correct misplays.

You can't ever go fishing because river(s) is an obscene expression.

You swerved to run over a teddy bear in the road.

You might be an orangeneck if . . .

You sign a petition to have the colors of the US flag changed to orange, white and blue.

Your TV room looks like a Broncos shrine.

You bought stadium seats from Mile High Stadium and installed them in front of your TV.

You think the expression "Going to bet on the ponies" has nothing to do with horse racing.

Your favorite quotes all come from MHR.

Everything you know you learned from watching John Elway play.

You think Alzado and Romanowski were too nice on game day.

Your favorite hobby is making anagrams out of Broncos players' names.

You're so depressed after a loss that you call in sick to work on Monday.

You have topiaries in the shape of rearing horses in your front yard.

Your work clothes are a set of Broncos sweats.

You wear a replica Broncos helmet when you go bicycling.

13-3 is your favorite math problem.

You might be an orangeneck if . . .

You start a petition to change your city's name to "La La Land."

Broncos fandom is a way of life not just an attitude.

Your spouse and family cease to exist for 17 weeks every year.

Your favorite drink is orange and blue kool-aid.

You drive your car like Knowshon Moreno making an open field run.

You buy all your cars from John Elway dealerships.

Dove Valley is your favorite vacation spot.

You can recite every player's name, number, position, height, weight, and career statistics from memory.

You know the name of the wife, mother or girlfriend of one or more Broncos player.

You think having had a lobotomy was a job requirement for many of the MSM reporters.

The life lessons you teach your children all start with "It's like when the Broncos . . . "

Broncos coaches are all Jedi Knights and opposing coaches are Sith Lords.

You look for 13 and 3 patterns in everything around you.

(you may have noticed that this post was divided into 13 statements in each of 3 sets.  LOL)

This was just my humble way of saying thanks to each and every contributor here at MHR. Many of the statements above were based on things you have shared.  Each of you has deepened my appreciation and understanding of football in general and the Broncos in particular.  Everyone of you deserves season tickets to the Broncos (we can all dream can't we?) or least a hearty high-five.