The parallels between Chuck Norris & Peyton Hillis
by Orange_Crush on Aug 4, 2009 4:19 PM MDT
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"The only man I ever feared wears the #22..."
-Chuck
PEYTON HILLIS FACTS:
- Peyton Hillis recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-If you can see Peyton Hillis, he can see you. If you can't see Peyton Hillis you may have just been run over by him.
-The chief export of Peyton Hillis is pain.
- Peyton Hillis once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
-When Peyton Hillis plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Peyton Hillis does not sleep. He waits.
-What was going through the minds of Peyton Hillis’ victims before they died? The #22.
-If you spell Peyton Hillis in Scrabble, you win. FOREVER.
- Peyton Hillis does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Peyton Hillis goes killing.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Peyton Hillis.
- Peyton Hillis can slam revolving doors.
-When Peyton Hillis sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, hand in the dirt and ready to attack. Peyton Hillis has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Peyton Hillis was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
- Peyton Hillis doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Peyton Hillis has counted to infinity. Twice.
- Peyton Hillis is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-When Peyton Hillis does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-There are no steroids in baseball, just players Peyton Hillis has breathed on.
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Peyton Hillis.
GO BRONCOS!!
This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR
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AWESOME!!!
-Peyton Hillis is so tough that he can play Alabama at an NFL’s team training camp and no one messes with him!
-Peyton Hillis can kill two stones with one bird.
-Peyton Hillis does not wear a condom…because there is no such thing as protection from Peyton Hillis.
-Superman dresses up as Peyton Hillis for Halloween.
"C" is for Championship...that's good enough for meeeee!!!
excellent
Peyton Hillis doesn’t always drink beer; but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.
But who will guard the guards themselves?
by Agent Jerry Fletcher on Aug 4, 2009 4:32 PM MDT reply actions
Genius.
But Chuck Norris would still win in a fight.
"Hey Raiders fans!!! If you leave now you can beat traffic!"
-Rod Smith
+100
PH vs CN would go like this:
PH charges preparing to bury CN like so much roadkill (much like all his other victims) only to eat a roundhouse kick to the face so hard that he has to pull his head out of his own arse backwards.
Those that voted for PH are unrealistic homers. :P
I don’t want breakaway speed. I want break-some-poor-fool-as-I-bowl-you-over power getting 6 yards off a play that should have been stopped for 2 at most.
Whatever :P
Chuck’s gettin’ too old ta keep up with Peyton!
; )
First team to three consecutive SB wins!!!! and then some, right? I think four and we oughtta let someone else have a fair shot : )
by PearlJamBroncoGFunk on Aug 5, 2009 8:25 AM MDT up reply actions
You will be missed
For those of you who wonder what happened to PearlJamBroncoGFunk, after he hit the Post button he was blindsided by a roundhouse kick to the head from Chuck Norris…the last thing he heard before meeting sweet oblivion was this: “I’m not too old to end your pitifiul days, mortal!”
I don’t want breakaway speed. I want break-some-poor-fool-as-I-bowl-you-over power getting 6 yards off a play that should have been stopped for 2 at most.
LOL
I’ve always had a liking for Bruce Lee, so Chuck will always have a back seat to Bruce’s spirit, in my book….
Plus didn’t Peyton learn from the ancient secret arts teacher that had a hand in educating Mr. Lee and Mr. Norris?
Hilarious sadarine, I was hopin’ for some witty comeback like that, thanks!
First team to three consecutive SB wins!!!! and then some, right? I think four and we oughtta let someone else have a fair shot : )
by PearlJamBroncoGFunk on Aug 5, 2009 10:09 AM MDT up reply actions
Peyton learned from the master of masters
Mr. Myagi.
Peyton Hillis is also referred to in early Greek mythology by his other names such as Zeus or Poseidon.
Hillis vs Norris.
Norris would win in a fight. Hillis would win if they were playing football. I like Chuck, but I’ll take Hillis for our RB/HB.
"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe
by Steve Nichols on Aug 7, 2009 7:14 AM MDT up reply actions
Orange_Crush...........You have really outdone anything I've seen for a while.........this is really funny !!!!
rec’d ……….and archived as a favorite post !!
Guardian of the Gate to La La Land!
Gonsoulin, Taylor, Little, Wright, Gradishar, Atwater, Davis, and Sharpe...
Why are they not in the Hall...I just don't understand.
haha
when Peyton Hillis jumps into a swimming pool he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Peyton Hillis’ed
Who would win? Wow, that’s a tough call. What happens when an irresistable force (Hillis) meets an imovable object (Norris)?
This question has already been answered in a way, by Peyton himself…
The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Peyton Hillis punched himself in the face.
Indeed it is the case..
Not only did he manage to knock himself out, but also managed to knock the earth off it’s rotation, causing global warming. Not to fear, one punch on the other side of the face, and he will stop global warming.
Peyton Hillis is also referred to in early Greek mythology by his other names such as Zeus or Poseidon.
When Peyton Hillis is in the lineup
The opposing Defense insists on Hazard Pay.
"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left." – Yogi Berra
"No, I'm from Iowa, I only work in outer space."
LOL, very nice and rec'd
"Me fail english, that unpossible" - Ralph Wiggum
"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem" - Duffman
"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun" - Ash from Army of Darkness
"H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?" - Evelle from Raising Arizona
"It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes." - Agent Rogersz from Repoman
haha -I knew it was only a matter of time
Peyton Hillis = WIN. There is no more to be said.
Joe Sakic was pure class, win or lose, at all times.
I am a Broncos fan all the way . . .
but the St. Louis Blues hockey team brought me to SBNation. And I’ve been doing this stuff for a fella by the name of David Backes since at least February over at St. Louis Game Time, even adding Bill Brasky and Jack Bauer bits to throw people off (although the list on the link is all original).
I loves me some Peyton Hillis and all . . . and I believe in his powers of destruction . . . but . . . sorry dude, Chuck Norris has been taken.
One day, David Backes and Albert Pujols will combine forces to become the most awesome piece of violent force known to man.
Peyton Hillis is so awesome that his ‘Chuck Norris’ post gets more rec’s than David Backes’ ‘Chuck Norris’ post gets comments. ;-)
"C" is for Championship...that's good enough for meeeee!!!
by PosterNutbag on Aug 4, 2009 10:34 PM MDT up reply actions
+1 for MHR
p.s.
There can never be enough Chuck Norris references! And to Mr. Backes credit I have never logged into a St. Louis Blues blog… just trying to have some fun!
by Orange_Crush on Aug 4, 2009 10:39 PM MDT up reply actions
Oh, not a problem dude.
I just can’t personally give my full approval. Not that it’s NEEDED obviously!
One day, David Backes and Albert Pujols will combine forces to become the most awesome piece of violent force known to man.
To be fair . . .
the intricacies of SBNation weren’t really taught to the “Commentariat” (as it were) of SLGT until March at the earliest.
Otherwise, that would’ve had rec’s from a good 50 people.
One day, David Backes and Albert Pujols will combine forces to become the most awesome piece of violent force known to man.
slam revolving doors...
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
"Talk about the Broncos and I'm gonna 'put my dukes up'. I'm gonna hit you with these rings." -- Rod Smith giving the Kennison rebuttal to Jamie Dukes
This is funny but....
I have to admit, I’m a little offended that Peyton Hillis is somehow beating Chuck Norris in the poll?
I mean there is only one Chuck Norris.
Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything but they make you smile when pushed down the stairs.
You don't get it
Chuck Norris doesn’t “play”. He “destroys”.
I don’t want breakaway speed. I want break-some-poor-fool-as-I-bowl-you-over power getting 6 yards off a play that should have been stopped for 2 at most.
by sadaraine on Aug 5, 2009 9:07 AM MDT up reply actions 1 recs
More...
-Peyton Hillis is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-Peyton Hillis’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
-When Peyton Hillis is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people, he walks through them
-The only reason you’re conscious right now is because Peyton Hillis doesn’t want to carry you. (This one is actually Jack Bauer, but seemed appropriate)
by Jack Skellington on Aug 5, 2009 9:57 AM MDT reply actions
+2
My image is the Circa 1960-’61 Broncos home uniform sock. Some what folk lore to me ... but referred to as the clown sock by my Dad.
by YellowStoneBronco on Aug 5, 2009 10:56 AM MDT up reply actions
oh man
I haven’t laughed OUT LOUD at a post since I don’t know when. Man, these are HILARIOUS!! Thanks so much for the moments of utter happiness. and rec’d.
If people aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat??
Hilarious!!!
Can’t believe how many times i laughed out loud!
Dang!
Take my advice... I'm not using it!
"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague."
Question (and answer)
Can Peyton Hillis (who is all powerful) create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it? Some will say he can do one or the other, so he isn’t all powerful.
My answer – Hillis CAN make a rock that heavy, but he can STILL lift it. Being all poweful, the Law of Contradiction doesn’t apply to him. He made it, he can break it.
"Greater is an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions led by a sheep" Defoe
Grreaaat post, lmao !
Peyton Hillis is our national energy crisis ace in the hole – we turn him loose in the forest for a minute and we have a new supply of oil
hahaha
Chuck Norris kills two birds with one stone. Peyton Hillis kills two stones with one bird.
Peyton Hillis watches 60 minutes in 10 minutes
"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life". -Muhammad Ali
Celtics-17 rings, 18 on the way
Im drowning in all this Kool-aid
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