I wake up early Sunday morning. Its Raider week—these games always get me a little excited. I decide to take a morning jog around the park, watching the sun rise; all while imagining my precious Broncos absolutely destroy the Raiders! Victory would be so sweet—I could almost taste it! My mouth began to salivate…I was hungry!
Later on that morning, my wife awoke and walked dreary-eyed into the kitchen. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I’m making breakfast!" I said while showing my latest creation…Pancakes in the shape of the Raiders logo, with a giant Bronco hoof kicking it right in the face!
Now I admit that the pancakes looked nothing like they were intended to. In fact, they looked like nothing more then a giant blob of randomness. However, as my wife pointed out, they were so ugly, so grotesque, that they looked just like Al Davis.
I was so confident in the Broncos, that I invited every friend of mine that were Raider fans to come over to my house and watch the game. I told them that it was the least I could do since their team was going to be destroyed by the Broncos. I could feel a Bronco victory, wrapping my fingers around it, embracing it! Good thing I’m not a gambling man…
On game days I become…well…insane. Whether that can be attributed to the many times my parents dropped me on my head, or the three concussions I suffered in my collegiate football career….only God knows.
The game begins, Matt Prater kicks a beauty. There is no way Jacoby Ford can return it. I jump out of my lazy chair and give not one, not two, but three fist pumps. Screaming, "Yeah Prater! Suck on that R-r-r-raiders! Look out NFL, the Broncos are back!
Looking back at it now, that celebration was just a tad but pre-mature….but I’m crazy, remember? I now feel bad, I tried making my Raider friends game day experience a living hell—karma came back to nip me in the backside though. We all now how the game turned out….
For three hours I yelled incessantly at the television. Almost as if my screams alone could help lead the Broncos to victory. However, my screams could not be heard, because the Broncos simply forgot to show up.
Forcing myself to watch all of the game, hearing the jeers and laughter of my Raider-fan friends, my anger reached an all time high.
I hopped into my Ford, drove to the local hardware shop, bought some black spray-paint and a sledgehammer. I then drove back to my house, went to my backyard where my eyes found their target—a nice slab of concrete! This was one of the many useless "gifts" my brother gave me. But on this day, this concrete would serve a purpose!
I took the spray-paint I just bought, and painted my best portrait of Tom Cable, making sure to emphasize the fat. I then raised the sledgehammer and, giving my best maniacal Jack Nicholson laugh, tore that mofo to pieces.
While destroying (the imaginary) Tom Cable, I could not help but think that the broken pieces were symbolic of the Broncos’ season. They were both "falling apart."
Upon stumbling on that revelation, my eyes came across one more piece of concrete. This one looked just like Tom Cable’s head; it looked as if he was smiling at me. Taunting me, daring me to make a move.
Screaming, "It’s all over fat man!" I raised my sledgehammer, gave a Mile High Salute, and brought the hammer crashing down. Shattering the (imaginary) head of Tom Cable
Into an oblivion.
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. In my fit of rage/insanity, I managed to throw out my shoulder. The good guys just couldn’t win this day. Curse you Raiders!!
After venting out my frustration, I came to the conclusion that this season is not yet over. Denver still has 5 remaining games against divisional opponents.
Denver will have to play perfect football during this stretch. It will be tough, it will be physical….but far from impossible. Only the best will win the West!
As always, keep the faith MHR!
Go Broncos!! (p.s. tell me your game day experience in the comments.)