Our future is bright...

I may have finally compiled the greatest mock draft known to man!! Prepare to amazed:

First, we must address our free-agents. So McD and Bowlen decide to keep around Brandon Marshall and DOOM.
And some of the trades:

Peyton Hillis to Seattle for their 1st round pick (6th overall)
Pete Carrol one day stumbled onto our board and saw the way that all of the Bronco fans were raving over Hillis, and Carrol decides that he needs to get this guy before some other team does. So Pete offers their first round pick for Hillis, McD was reluctanct at first but finally came around to this trade.

1st round pick (from Seattle), 6th overall: Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska

Coach McDaniels cleverly hacked into Suh's e-mail account the night before the draft and then e-mailed the five teams ahead of this pick that Ndamukong only wants to player kicker. So the Rams, Lions, etc were scared off by this e-mail and McD upgrades the line with this beast of a man. The Broncos now have a formidable 5 tech DE.

1st round pick, 10th overall: Tim Tebow, QB, Florida

With all this talk about drafting a new QB, well then why not draft one of the all time great college QB's. He can also be our "wildhorses" option and might be able to play some linebacker, tight end, punter and special teams coordinator. Overall, we improve the team with this pick.

2nd round, 45th overall: Adam "Pac Man" Jones, CB/WR, West Virginia

The Broncos draft Pac Man Jones to play wide receiver for the team. They draft this troubled young man so that Brandon Marshall looks like a walk in the park. The easiest way to make Marshall less of a distraction, is to draft a bigger distraction. And we're getting that and much more in Jones. Not to mention all of the experience he has, as he's played in the NFL, CFL and was even a professional wrestler. Sounds like the kinda guy I want on my team...

3rd round, 80th overall: Rolando McClain, ILB, Alabama

This pick might seem like a reach, but new defensive coordinator, Don Martindale approves of the pick. During the media interview, Martindale says "McClain was probably picked a little sooner than he should have, but he has some decent upside. And his mother promised to make some of her famous fried chicken if we picked him, and well, I couldn't pass up a deal like that."

4th round pick: Jesus Christ, ATH, Bethlehem

Jesus doesn't really have the playing experience you look for in a player, but Tebow put in a good word for him. Tebow even said that "Jesus can do anything". "Well with that kind of versatility I think we'll find a spot for him in our secondary" said coach McD. Jesus looks to have a bright future learning behind Bailey and Goodman for a few years. Coach McDaniels almost didn't draft him because of "character flags". He was reportedly arrested a while back by the Romans for unknown reasons, but McD decided to take a chance on him.
Marcus Thomas, an atheist, told the Denver Post the next day "when I heard we picked Jesus, I just couldn't believe it, man."

6th round: Terrence Cody, NT, Alabama

After climbing well over 500 pounds, Cody's draft stock takes a tumble. The Broncos decide to take a chance on Cody claiming that "we just wanted someone on our defense that will actually be able to outweigh Jamarcus Russell."

7th round: Manuel Uribe, OG, Home-school

This is probably the biggest steal of the draft! I can't believe I haven't seen this pick on any other mocks. With our seventh round pick we take the "largest man in the world"! Everyone claims we need to get "bigger" on the o-line, so why not take the biggest player possible?!?! Uribe weighs in at 1,225 pounds which will certainly beef up our o-line. And for all those "Iupati lovers", well this guy is the size of 4 Mike Iupatis!!!!

After our seventh round pick, Chicago finally gets tired of Jay Cutler throwing to the other team, so they trade him back to the Broncos for Kyle Orton. This makes everyone at the Denver Post message boards ecstatic and jumping up for joy while exclaiming "we finally have that franchise quarterback we've been waiting for! 8-8, here we come!!!"

via www.diabetesmine.com

Meanwhile, John Elway decides to come out of retirement, citing the attention Favre was getting was "getting me angry". And he also claimed that he wanted to show that punk, Cutler, that he can still throw a football further than he can. This made Cutler angry, so he asked for a trade but was ultimately denied with the Broncos telling him "No one really wants you right now, ya know?". But it's safe to say that he doesn't know...

The Broncos kind of have a log-jam at quarterback now with Tebow/Elway/Cutler. So, McD goes looking for some more free-agent receivers so that we can "spread the ball around". Upon hearing this, Terrell Owens threw his name in the ring, and the next day he was signed to a 7-month contract.

Currently, McD is trying to use his jedi-powers to convince Roger Goodell to let the Broncos use three footballs while the offense is on the field. McD claims that "two more balls would really open up our offense, and not to mention we need enough to spread around to Elway, Cutler, Tebow, Marshall, Owens and Pac Man Jones!" Goodell said he was "considering it"...

And finally the last move of the off-season was trading Tony Scheffler to the Saints for Reggie Bush. Coach McDaniels said that this move was a "no-brainier" because we are virtually getting two players for the price of one. That is, if we can convince Reggie's girlfriend, Kim Kardashian to play left guard for us. Offensive coordinator, Mike McCoy claimed that Reggie added some much needed "sex appeal" to a team that has Jay Cutler and Lamont Jordan. And the Kardashian move really opens up our running game because of her powerful run blocking skills...

All of these moves will equal to a Super Bowl win, I promise!
Super Bowl 45 MVP: John Elway - 427 yards, 6 tds and 1 interception in a win over the Favre-led Vikings in a matchup that was heralded as the "two oldest people you'll ever see playing football"...