That's right, I'm calling it now, this mock draft is the official "Holy crap, that guy called every move and pick we made!" mock draft. Every pick and thought I have in here is going to come to fruition, you can quote me on it.
I'll even go so far as to make a wager with you all: If even one pick I make in this mock is wrong, as penance I will set up a PayPal account where you can all donate $1 to the fund I have set up to be given to one hopeless MHR addict per year. You see? It's for a good cause, I will handle everything. It will be a ton of hard work, but I'm willing to step up and do it, it's the least I can do.
Without further delay, make the jump to see what players will be chosen to shape the future for the Broncos.
*TRADE ALERT* THE DENVER BRONCOS TRADE PICK 183 AND A FEMALE SEA MONSTER TO THE OAKLAND RAIDERS FOR THE 8TH OVERALL*
WITH THE 8TH OVERALL PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Eric Berry, S, Tennessee
I know, to a normal person, that trade doesn't seem fair. But if you look at it from Al Davis' perspective, it's the deal of the century. You see, Al Davis is a sea monster. The evidence?
So, we find him a suitable mate for the first time in his lonely, sea monster existence, and package it with our 6th rounder, and it's a win-win scenario for both sides. I hate to do something that actually makes Al Davis happy, but giving up a Plesiosaur in return for a complete stud at safety seems like something we can live with.
I almost forgot to introduce you to Al's new gal:
Now that's a match made in heaven!
WITH THE 11TH PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Ndamukong Suh, DL, Nebraska
At this point, you may be saying, "Luff, he's not going to last to pick 11, you giant moron!". Please, put down your pitchforks and let me explain.
There has been a recent trend of both free agent veterans and players going into the draft from college really looking at Denver as a premier destination. They're loving what's going on here. On draft day, Kong goes to every team picking before us and tells them, "Look, I want to play in Denver, I would like a prancing horse on my helmet, if you pick me I will eat your lower leg like a chicken wing. Don't do it." I also heard him say, "I love mountains, I hate Detroit and any other city that isn't a mile high. Pick me and I will climb your tallest building, and snatch low-flying planes in the area for the rest of my time on this earth." Kong is a very large, very scary man, so everyone listened to him. He "fell" to us at #11, and we both got our wish, Suh is a Bronco!
WITH THE 43RD PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Mizzou
Again, I know, Spoon isn't going to last this long. How'd we get him then? Well, it's an unprecedented situation that has never happened before in the NFL. It falls under rule 25483.DB#1 of the NFL rulebook. This rule states that "any player entering the league through the draft who has a father active as a player, can only be drafted by the team on which his father is employed." It sounds odd, I know, it's sort of a "reverse-nepotism" rule. But it sure works out well for us.
There is a little known secret: Spoon is actually the son of our very own Brian Dawkins. They managed to keep the secret over the years, so that this never before used rule wouldn't be changed, ensuring that Dawk and Spoon could join forces in the NFL. What do we have now? We have Wolverine and Sabretooth. Goodness gracious!
"I received the handoff, and burst through the hole to see Brian Dawkins flying through on a blitz, I somehow managed to juke him and his adamantium claws, I still don't know how I did it. After surviving that encounter, I looked up to see Spoon staring at me with this crazy look on his face, I think he wanted to eat me. I know I'm small, but a human being still shouldn't want to eat me. So, I was scared, obviously. I'll admit it, because you would do the same in that situation, but I pee'd myself and just fell over. I hope to never see that sight again, I might be retiring tomorrow, actually, or just before the next time we play Denver."
Wow, that's just neat.
WITH THE 45TH PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford
In a strange twist of events, and another mysterious "father-son" story, it turns out that Toby is the real son of Chuck Norris. We have been under the impression (wrongly) that Peyton Hillis was the heir apparent to Norris. When in fact, that man is Gerhart.
To prove this, I will include a few things I have heard about Toby Gerhart:
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Toby Gerhart can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... Yes, these are some of Toby Gerhart's warm-up exercises.
Needless to say, I'm fairly excited that we picked him up.
I picked the corniest Superman picture I could find for this, I hope you guys appreciate it as much as I do. I mean, that picture is truly, and horrifyingly corny.
WITH THE 80TH PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Eric Decker, WR, Minnesota
This is a much, much better pick than you could even imagine. Apparently, this guy has huge hands. This is a plus for a guy who catches balls for a living. But, I keep hearing that they're like, really huge. "Bear-like".
Well, when he got to the Broncos facilities after being drafted, McDaniels got his first real look at those mitts of his, and posed this reasonable question, "Are you a bear?".
Decker replied, "Yes."
So, it turns out we drafted a grizzly bear in the third round, terrific value!
I actually ran into Decker at Safeway a little while back, and snapped a picture of one of his mitts. Errr, paw. Claw? Pad? Hand? I'm not sure what the proper and courteous vernacular is for describing a bear's (insert your chosen word) who acts like a man. Here is that picture:
WITH THE 114TH PICK OF THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Mike Iupati, OL, Idaho
For the last time fellas, I know he is supposed to go in the 1st round! Let me tell you what happened here...
Pretty much every other team in the league has tried to draft him by this point, some multiple times. However, when he heard them all pronounce his name "Lou-Potty", he vowed to never play for those teams. Brian Xanders was the first team representative to call him and pronounce his name correctly. Who knew that saying "Ee-you-potty" to a grown man would be the key to getting a 1st round talent in the 4th?
There's our token warrior Samoan, now I'm really a happy camper!
WITH THE 220TH PICK IN THE DRAFT, THE DENVER BRONCOS SELECT: Zoltan Mesko, P, Michigan
Amazingly, this is the biggest steal of the draft for us.
After we draft Zoltan (coolest name ever? I vote yes.), he heartbreakingly shatters his kicking leg in a freak grape-mashing accident. However, once the cast comes off, his leg works better than before, like a Ferrari piston. On his return, he fires out punts that can travel up to 165 yards in the air. I also have this quote from a reliable source:
"He kicked the ball, and it disappeared. No one knows what happened to it."
I just realized, the amazing Zoltan story I just related to you, sounds an awful lot like that movie "Rookie of the Year". You know, the one where the 13-year old'ish kid breaks his arm, and when he gets his cast off he can throw a 110 MPH fast ball and plays in the major's? Cool stuff
. Well, I tend to think we did fairly well in the draft. Let's recap:
Eric Berry, S, Tennessee
Ndamukong Suh, DL, Nebraska
Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Mizzou
Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford
Eric Decker (Bear), WR, Minnesota
Mike Iupati, OL, Idaho
Zoltan Mesko, P, Michigan
So, there you go! Your 2010 Denver Broncos rookie class!
Just close your eyes for at least 1 minute, allow yourself to dream about this happening. Imagine a game where all these guys join our veterans, and collectively kick the bajeezuz out of every team in the league on the way to 11 straight super bowls. Fun, right?