Here are some headlines that you are unlikely to see this upcoming season!

Tebow Cuts Off Left Arm, Replaces with Bionic to Fix Faulty Mechanics

Favre Returns; Says He Owes It to Whoever the Vikings Play in the NFC Championship Game to Return

Phillip Rivers Breaks Vow of Silence

Darrelle Revis: "I'd Play This Game For Free"

Eddie Royal's New Book Titled "Throw Me the Damn Ball Kyle!"

Tony Dungy Criticizes Eddie Royal For Book Title, Continues to Assist Dog Killer

Tony Sheffler Blocks Somebody

Bus Cook Says Tony Sheffler is Number One Blocking TE Ever

Gus Johnson Uses Actual Words to Describe Play on the Field

Color Analyst Forgets To Use Phrase "Quarterback Driven League" During a Game

Oakland Raiders: Champions in the Community

Oakland Raiders: Champions

John Bena Takes His Talents To South Beach

Tim Tebow Quits Upon Learning Todd McShay Doesn't Think He'll Make It

Peyton Manning Stops Watching Film; States He's Learned All He Can

John Madden: "Great Players Make Great Plays, and Brett Favre is a Great Player and that's why he Makes Great Plays, If he Wasn't A Great Player, than He Would'nt Make Great Plays, But He is so He Does!"

Roger Goodell Says More Great Quarterbacks are Needed in the League, Requests Archie Manning to "Just Start Getting Busy"  

Bowlen Listens to That One Guy In Pueblo, Fires McDaniels

Returning From London, McDaniels Signs Palace Guard to Play QB, Cites Ability to "Stand there like a Statue in Face of the Blitz"

The Queen Knights Champ Bailey: "Of Course I Knighted Him, He's Been to 9 MF'in Pro Bowls" says Queen

Kyle Orton Retires, Unretires Hoping To Inspire Brady Quinn To Be Like Aaron Rodgers

                                                                        ENJOY THE SEASON EVERYBODY!