My Kenny McKinley Tribute

by Sayre Bedinger on Sep 20, 2010 10:01 PM MDT

Times like these remind me how caught up I become in this game we all love so much. It's times like these that remind me how incredibly fortunate I am to be alive, and how I take my happiness for granted. It also makes me wonder why I don't share that happiness with others more often than I do.

I don't claim to have known Kenny McKinley. I don't claim to have been his buddy or anything, but as you can see by the picture, I've been within inches of the guy. I can't help but wonder what might have been going through his mind at this time, while I selfishly stood there clamoring for his signature rather than asking him how he was really doing.

This is the third time the Denver Broncos have lost a player due to death since January 1st, 2007, and quite frankly, that's three too many. I read a post from John on Twitter that said a player should never have to bury his teammate, and he's right. For D.J. Williams, Chris Kuper, Champ Bailey, and Elvis Dumervil, this is the third teammate they have lost.

I can't claim to know McKinley personally, but there are reports coming out right now that he was suffering from depression due to being placed on Injured Reserve for a second straight year, as well as some financial problems. My question would be, "If someone knew about his depression, why weren't they bending over backwards to get this guy help?!"

Kenny McKinley had problems beyond any of our understanding, and what's sad is that someone else knew about it, and didn't do enough to help. By the sounds of it, everyone is absolutely shocked, so perhaps Kenny kept it under wraps.

What makes this day even worse is that McKinley left behind a young son. He was more than a football player, he was a father. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to tell that son someday what happened to his daddy, and I hope I never have to even sniff that situation.

So often, I forget that the players we watch on the field every Sunday are not virtual Madden players. They are not action figures, they are not celebrities--they are people. Kenny McKinley was a teammate, every one of us on this site knows how football players are so much more than just teammates, they are a brotherhood.

This is just further proof that these guys are no immortals. The man whom decorated football coach Steve Spurrier called the best receiver he's ever coached will never again play an NFL down, but that's irrelevant at this point.

Let's put football on the backburner for a moment. We will all always remember Kenny McKinley as a Denver Bronco, maybe some of us will remember him as a South Carolina Gamecock. But those weren't even the forefront of his life.

Lindsay Jones of the Denver Post tweeted that McKinley's locker was filled with pictures of him and his son, and by all accounts, McKinley was a happy guy whose smile could "light up a room."

This is a brutal reminder of how important the men UNDERNEATH the helmet are. Kenny McKinley was more than a wide receiver--he was a man. He was a father to a young boy. He was someone else's son. He was also a brother to those in the Denver Broncos organization, and he will be greatly missed.

I can only wish I'd had the guts to ask him, "How are you doing today, Kenny?" instead of, "Hey, can I have your autograph?!"

Certainly, the Denver Broncos have been building their locker room over the last couple of years to be filled with positive attitudes and great leadership. Apparently, McKinley hadn't been around the facilities lately per Jones, so who knows how much of an impact his teammates could have had?

We will never know why Kenny McKinley decided to end his life on this day, September 20th, 2010, but this is a day when we realize that the players are just like everyone else--they are human, they are imperfect. McKinley was a talent at the receiver position, no doubt. He didn't make a significant impact on the field for the Broncos, and wasn't even going to touch the field for the team in 2010, but this is a huge blow for this team.

Hopefully, our players can harness their feelings and finish the final 14 games of this season with a chip on their shoulder.

Hopefully, players around the league will realize how fragile life is.

All I can do now is keep McKinley, his family, his loved ones, his football brothers, and all of us fans in my thoughts and prayers.

Rest in peace, Kenny. You will always be remembered as a part of the amazing group of people that comprise the Denver Broncos.

This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR

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I understand the frustration, depression is a hard thing to get a handle on, especially for someone like an athlete who obiously has to live life with a certain amount of invincibility. There is a tremendous amount of ignorance regarding depression, and I am sure being an athlete on the Broncos, those close to him probably would not of understood why he would have these feelings and likewise, most athletes are told to play through any pain (physical or emotional). If anything positive can come from this, maybe it will help others that suffer or have ones that are close to them that suffer from depression come forward and ask for help.

"Me fail english, that unpossible" - Ralph Wiggum
"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem" - Duffman
"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun" - Ash from Army of Darkness
"H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?" - Evelle from Raising Arizona
"It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes." - Agent Rogersz from Repoman

by Broncoman on Sep 20, 2010 10:12 PM MDT reply actions

Well said, Sayre.

It points out how secretive we can be about feelings that we feel won’t be accepted. It further isolates those who suffer from depression till they feel there are no alternatives but to end their pain. It can be very difficult to detect or recognize. It also shows how important having a strong support structure is for all young people facing the challenges of adulthood and the responsibilities that can feel overwhelming.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. A. Einstein

by Ponderosa on Sep 20, 2010 10:12 PM MDT reply actions

Harrowing write up.

Thanks for sharing this. This is total perspective. I shouldn’t even be blogging right now. I have a wife to go kiss.

-Harvey J. Neptune

"Either way, this game will be put in perspective and ultimately, win or lose, will not mean nearly as much as all of us waking up in the morning, taking a deep breath, appreciating what we have and living our lives for as long as we are given the gift of life." - KentuckyBronco

by HarvJNep2n on Sep 20, 2010 10:20 PM MDT reply actions 5 recs

Many a clown has hide his sorrow behind a mask or makeup...

It’s a hard thing sometimes and actually gut wrenching when you see people smiling and laughing and we say to ourselves, boy, I wish I had what he/she has…Marvin Gaye…Smiling faces, show no traces…

by bfree2bronc on Sep 20, 2010 10:26 PM MDT reply actions

Well said Sayre

I have to say I have some experience dealing with depression in my family and it’s not always so evident. It is absolutely a reminder to us all, not just athletes, but to anyone, to reach out to friends and family when they may appear depressed or have had difficult setbacks in life, or even if they haven’t. Stay in touch. All that said, again it’s not so easy to detect all the time, sometimes people hide it really well, and have to find assistance (in form of counseling and medication) to deal with it. I hope therefore that Broncos players and staff are not beating themselves up about this and are seeking counseling themselves to deal with their own feelings. It’s sad all around.

There's no need to fear, Underdog is here! / Broncos/Dodgers/Lakers fan in Niners/Raiders/Giants/Warriors country, and damned proud of it.

by underdog on Sep 20, 2010 10:30 PM MDT reply actions

Thanks Sayre

for putting into words feelings that i could not express myself. It helped a lot.

I don’t know how i’m gonna watch football this year. The year D-will and Nash passed away was rough this year all i’m gonna see on the screen is 27, 29, and now 11.

RIP Broncos

by march20 on Sep 20, 2010 10:42 PM MDT reply actions

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Thanks, Sayre. :-(

by Colorado_Kitten on Sep 20, 2010 11:09 PM MDT reply actions 3 recs

Good thought, Kitten

Be kind, be tolerant, try to understand and be helpful. Each of us can better deal with our adversities with a little help from our friends, and no one is without their own battles, so we are not alone. Thanks Sayre for writing down emotions and thoughts we all feel.

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.
"Losing stinks" - Josh McDaniels

by azbroncomaniac on Sep 21, 2010 7:48 AM MDT up reply actions 1 recs

Thank you, Sayre, for saying so eloquently what we’d all like to say.

RIP, Kenny.

by Berserker13 on Sep 20, 2010 11:11 PM MDT reply actions

Keeper

Seeking an autograph, especially from a young player on the roster bubble, is completely a sign of respect. Small things in the world have meaning. Hang on to that one.

by oorange blood on Sep 21, 2010 12:09 AM MDT reply actions 2 recs

Right On

Good article, Sayre. Very heartfelt and well wirtten. But don’t beat your self up. Oorange Blood is right on. You asked for an autograph of a young player who had yet to make his mark in the professional ranks. In some ways that’s better than asking “how are you doing?” That’s telling the guy, “I know you’re good at what you do and I’m looking forward to seeing you do it.” Often I am appalled at the comments I see from sports people (media and fans alike) who unload on some players that don’t perform up to expectations. Sports is a tough business. Maybe we should look around and see who we can reach out to and say, “we are looking forward to your coming back.” Not just the injured, but the struggling players too.

by opinion8r on Sep 21, 2010 7:26 AM MDT up reply actions 1 recs

Well-said Sayre

And well-said oorange. I’m complete with you on that point.

by MakeCents on Sep 21, 2010 7:36 AM MDT up reply actions

RIP Kenny

Very sad day such a young guy.

by Dolphins21MZ on Sep 21, 2010 6:21 AM MDT reply actions

Well said.

RIP Kenny.

If Taylor Swift were to try and tackle me, I'd let her.

by Troy Hufford on Sep 21, 2010 6:36 AM MDT reply actions

Nice job Sayre....I gave my kids huge hugs last night. As a dad, I feel for Kenny and for his son. Just a tragedy!

You, my friend, are proof you dont need to have big floppy feet and a red nose to be a clown!

"I actually watched the World Cup. I HATE baseball. Hockey’s over. Hey, at least we have the WNBA. Oh, man. I’m making a noose. Want one?"

Harv Neptune.

by boydy2669 on Sep 21, 2010 6:42 AM MDT reply actions

Good job Sayre.

To me this is heartbreaking. My wife just had our first child and can begin to think about her growing up with out me. Depression is similar to quicksand once your in it you cant get out. the more you move the more you sink into blackness. If only he would have reached out to somebody. RIP kenny.

"just win Baby"....... unless you draft jamarcus russell

by nw3030 on Sep 21, 2010 7:55 AM MDT reply actions

extremely sad

great write up. Ever since i’ve had kids of my own, things like this hurt me more inside. I feel for his son mostly.

daaayuuuuum! you gonna take that KB?!? lol -Broncs55
Absolutely not. KB is a function of aggression and rage, the derivative of which can be traced back to my childhood.-KentuckyBronco
PS3 ID: KoRnHo|ed

by Broncs55 on Sep 21, 2010 7:56 AM MDT reply actions

Well stated. Prayers for all his family and friends. :(

Officially on record with a 10-6 prediction for 2010! (8/21/10)

"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence."
John Adams

by Broncotodd on Sep 21, 2010 8:11 AM MDT reply actions

Hind sight

Great tribute with some really good questions! The only thing that I want to add is that it is easy in Hind sight to look back and ask yourself what could you have done, or what you should’ve said. May this be a reminder to everyone that Football and all sports for that matter is so meaningless and that these are people! Let us try and remember to always be kind to others and flash a smile once in a while to let people know you care.

I’ll remember Kenny’s smile as he probably helped out a lot of his peers. It’s just to bad someone couldn’t help him out. Kenny you will be missed as a person!

Ernie

by duke0730 on Sep 21, 2010 8:35 AM MDT reply actions

unfortunately since Jan 1 2007 we keep being reminded

that our players are people, with parents, children and families of their own…

by Broncs55 on Sep 21, 2010 8:48 AM MDT up reply actions

This is a sad morning

I recently stumbled across an article in the New Yorker magazine about people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge (it’s a magnet for suicides – no one jumps from the Bay Bridge). Anyway, a few people have survived the jump. One young man related, that, just after he jumped, he realized that all of his problems could be solved, except that he had just jumped off the bridge.

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact?currentPage=all

Let me echo Colorado Kitten’s remark: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "

Take it easy, but take it. Studs Terkel

by bradley on Sep 21, 2010 8:57 AM MDT reply actions

New Yorker article

I just re-read it. To bring Colorado Kittens remark to life, here is a note found in a young man’s apartment after he had jumped to his death:
‘I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’ "

Take it easy, but take it. Studs Terkel

by bradley on Sep 21, 2010 9:09 AM MDT up reply actions

Though I obviously have no actual position to speak for them

I feel confident in saying that the hearts and prayers of Cowboys nation are with y’all, and his family.

God Bless Texas

by dwarfknight64 on Sep 21, 2010 9:02 AM MDT reply actions

Thanks

You have all the position you need – you are a kind human being.

Take it easy, but take it. Studs Terkel

by bradley on Sep 21, 2010 9:13 AM MDT up reply actions

+1000

You, my friend, are proof you dont need to have big floppy feet and a red nose to be a clown!

"I actually watched the World Cup. I HATE baseball. Hockey’s over. Hey, at least we have the WNBA. Oh, man. I’m making a noose. Want one?"

Harv Neptune.

by boydy2669 on Sep 21, 2010 9:45 AM MDT up reply actions

A sad day.

Rest in peace, Kenny. We can only hope that this tragedy will raise awareness about depression. Clearly, it strikes even those who seem to have everything going for them, such as professional athletes. Hopefully Kenny’s example will save lives by encouraging people afflicted with depression to get help…it is NOT their fault. Unfortunately for his son, family, and all Bronco and Gamecocks fans, he was not able to get the help he needed to save his own.

Perhaps the MHR community could find a suitable depression-related charity for us to donate a couple of bucks each to, in memory of Kenny? (Maybe the family has already suggested a charity, as well.)

by MontanaBronco on Sep 21, 2010 9:45 AM MDT reply actions

Good Idea Montana, but...

…maybe it would be better to send the money to his son. As I understand it, several of the Broncos are setting up a trust fund for him. If what Sayre said about financial difficulties is true, he’s going to need it.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on Sep 21, 2010 4:55 PM MDT up reply actions

Beautifully said, Sayre

Thanks for sharing your profound and heartfelt thoughts. Hopefully, if anything comes of this, it will be to remember to make time to look out for the Kennys in all our lives. Lord knows they’re out there.

In good times and bad times, I'm a Bronco fan. Sucka.

by broncosmontana on Sep 21, 2010 11:42 AM MDT reply actions

McDaniels visibly shaken/moved during press conference

http://www.denverbroncos.com/multimedia/videos/Head-Coach-Josh-McDaniels-Press-Conference/ce74c27d-2eda-4ce9-93c8-b555fe417151

Made me teary eyed, too…

There's no need to fear, Underdog is here! / Broncos/Dodgers/Lakers fan in Niners/Raiders/Giants/Warriors country, and damned proud of it.

by underdog on Sep 21, 2010 12:06 PM MDT reply actions

My heart goes out to you in the Mile High community

All the normal jovial jibbing of our rivalry put aside, we in the Raider Nation mourn the loss of one of yours.

I personally will pray for his soul and the welfare of his family.

For all those who feel hope is gone, please remember that you are loved by many and that you are irreplaceable. Life is always the answer.

Green and Gold Lantern Corps

by oaklandSMASH on Sep 21, 2010 1:23 PM MDT reply actions 5 recs

Thanks.

Very well said.

Take it easy, but take it. Studs Terkel

by bradley on Sep 21, 2010 1:34 PM MDT up reply actions

Thanks

by Broncoman on Sep 21, 2010 1:47 PM MDT up reply actions

Thanks for stopping by

That was very classy and very appreciated.

"Bombs dropping down overhead. Underground. It's instilled to want to live." -EV

by sadaraine on Sep 22, 2010 10:38 AM MDT up reply actions

RIP Kenny- you are and will be missed

Thanks Sayre, for writing for so many that aren’t as eloquent.

by AllBroncsallday on Sep 21, 2010 4:39 PM MDT reply actions

I don't know what to say.

We lost one of our boys this way. We really didn’t know what was going on. We didn’t see the warning signs or at least didn’t recognize them. Now all we have are memories and guilt.

I do know his son is going to need a lot of help. That’s where we need to concentrate now.

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on Sep 21, 2010 5:00 PM MDT reply actions

I think I understand

" Now all we have are memories and guilt."
I lost a very close friend this way. Years ago. I am left with memories and guilt. I’m not sure what I could have done better, but I feel that there must have been something I could have done.
Again, let me echo what Colorad Kitten said: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Take it easy, but take it. Studs Terkel

by bradley on Sep 21, 2010 6:55 PM MDT up reply actions

Thanks Bradley

If this be Hell, let us make the most of it!

by Trinidad Jack on Sep 23, 2010 3:52 PM MDT up reply actions

Incredibly Sad

by NYCBronx on Sep 21, 2010 7:16 PM MDT reply actions

This is like the loss of a family member to most of us here, myself included.

I can’t speak for all of you Broncos fans, or even football fans in general here, but I can speak for myself when I say football is a way of life for me. I love the game and I love the people that make this game special. Losing a player from the team and game that I love so much is difficult to do. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of my own family.

Anyone can strap a helmet and pads on and a lot of people can accomplish great things as players, but in times like these there are no teams, there are no rivalries. Players are players, but before that they are people. They are people with children and parents and loved ones. They are people that deserve love like everyone else.

As someone who has suffered depression, I feel like I can relate and understand Kenny’s position a little, as I had never shown any signs of depression either in the past. I won’t act like I know his struggles personally, because I never had the gift of knowing him, but depression in general is a silent, fatal disease.

Hold your loved ones a little tighter my friends. As fans of our respective teams, we are rivals. As people, we are one.

Rest In Peace Kenny, may God be with you always. You’re now playing for the only team that really matters, God’s squad.

Comparing Michael Lombardi to Bill Williamson is like comparing an In-N-Out Cheeseburger to a sh## sandwich.

Williamson would probably eat both – no questions asked.

by Joe Medina on Sep 21, 2010 8:25 PM MDT reply actions 2 recs

i have depreeion

but its due more to the fact that i try too hard to please everyone and my health plomebs sadly i might know how he feit he might have just wanted a hug a how u doing luckliy i get that but he might have not my heart goes out to his loved ones

okay i have cerebral palsy arthris and chronic fatigue as well i have a great life and loveing folks some days are better than other days i got a make-a-wish in 2001 and saw my favorite team the broncos it was the trip of a lifetime i wish everyone couild have gotten to enjoy that with me i know some of u hate the broncos and that okay but i bleed organ and bule for my mnr fans but i bleed orange and blue denver will rise again resident broncos fan for every blog resident broncos for stampede bule thanks shvd98z24 real name jeremy woodard nettleton high class of 02 yes i am a raider

by j-man on Sep 21, 2010 9:12 PM MDT reply actions

loved the potential. sad sad sad.

from a game i got to watch him live in San Fran last preseason.
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