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Musical Mid-season Broncos review

Mid-season reviews are typically the sports pundits opportunity to gloat about their pre-season predictions, chastise other analysts obvious idiocy since they didn't agree, and in essence BS away their fictional version of why the NFL season has progressed as it has.  Statistical prognostications for the 2nd half of the season reach unparalleled absurdity and everyone including your girlfriend gives their "lock" for the Super Bowl.  (Green Bay vs. Baltimore is my wife's call.)

I don't have any desire to break down the Broncos in a truly analytical way, so I decided to fall back on what I do instinctively with nearly everything in my life: review the Broncos through the prism of music.  I will likely range over a large span of the history of music for this, so don't expect "The Broncos according to classic rock" or anything that neat and packaged.  Disclaimer: Search the ones you don't know at your own risk. 

Feel free to add more in the comments (as if you needed the invite.)

The Box Sets:

Offense: The discography of Twisted Sister.  Even if you are a die-hard hair-band fanatic, you have be honest - 99% of what Twisted Sister put out was just crap.  However, "We're not Gonna Take It" and "I Wanna Rock" were just good enough and got your pulse pounding just hard enough to keep you coming back and hoping the next album would be full of songs like THAT.

Defense: The contestants of any given season of American Idol.  There's a couple of major talents in the bunch, but you have to suffer through a lot of cringing to get to them.  At least they try hard.

The Albums:

Offensive Line: "The Wall" - Pink Floyd.  This isn't a complement.  A few decent songs that were supposed to unify as a concept album, but never really gelled and made you wish for far superior, earlier incarnations (Dark Side of the Moon).

Defensive Secondary: "Superunknown" - Soundgarden.  You can easily recognize some of the greatness within, but the total effort is just so damn depressing that you sometimes forget.

The Singles:

Tim Tebow: "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2" - Franz Liszt.  One of the most popular piano pieces in history, but heavily criticized even now, 160 years after it was written.  Starts slow and somewhat clumsy, but ends in a glorious, frantic explosion.

Willis McGahee: "Vehicle" - Ides of March.  Infinite cool, attitude to burn and kicking ass as he goes.

Eddie Royal: "Alive" - P.O.D. Here's hoping.

Von Miller"The Fox Hunt" - Maynard Ferguson. Moves so fast that it's occasionally hard to follow, and tends to get sloppy, then it just makes you drop your freaking jaw.

Mike McCoy: "Music in Twelve Parts" - Philip Glass.  Boredom as an aesthetic.  Akin to listening to a faucet drip all night, the repetitive nature of this can often make you wonder if the person responsible suffers from extreme short-term-memory loss, causing them to continuously call on the same pattern over and over and over and over...

John Fox: "Space Oddity" - David Bowie.  At one time, the ideas and concept in this song were considered ground breaking.  Now they just seem archaic and somewhat sad.

Kyle Orton: "How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?" - Dan Hicks.  Self explanatory.

Perhaps we have an answer to our Broncos being such disarray - they're all trying to play different tunes at the same time?

This is a Fan-Created Comment on MileHighReport.com. The opinion here is not necessarily shared by the editorial staff of MHR

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