Hide ya wives, hide ya children, they smashin EVERYBODY, part 1

WHAT'S UP BRONCOS COUNTRY? I just want to make my yearly round and hit you with my first of TWO season predictions (that actually equal out to one, so WTF on me, right?)  I like to wait till at least two preseason games are done before I make my first prediction and then my second and complete prediction will come after the fourth game.  Unfortunately, we aren't facing any great teams in preseason so it's tough to get a good measuring stick on how our boys in orange will compete against the best and brightest, but as I've always said, preseason is the only time of year where all the teams are as close to equal as possible.  It's the only time of year where the Bengals can stomp the Colts and not have anyone bat a lash.

So, without any further yapping, I want to get straight to predictions.  These are subject to change before week one, for the record.  As always, I intend to be a smartass with a motive.  I try to be subtle in my approach to things but it's not always ::COUGH Sack Academy Field at Mile High COUGH:: easy for me to do.  Denver has so many good things going for this year including ::COUGH Sack Academy Field at Mile High COUGH:: and knowing this is the final year in blue jerseys means the guys should kill them off the same way they were ushered in -- with a lot of wins.

Week 1 vs. Oakland at Sack Academy Field at Mile High.

The Broncos will face the arch nemesis Raiders on a Monday night.  What better way to **OFFICIALLY** welcome our new home, the Sack Academy Field at Mile High than to do it in banging fashion.  Oakland's offense has a good run game, but the passing game flounders and their defense sans Nnamdi is really showing the world why Al Davis is every opposing team's best friend.  Former first round reach Rolando McClain has a decent game on the inside, but it is not enough to stop Eric Decker from trouncing the soft-belly of the field for a few big gains and let's be honest, the receivers respect Oakland's secondary about as much as I respect rental cars.  They get used, abused and flipped multiple times off side of the freeway (and I haven't even started describing the rental car yet!)  WIN 31-17

Week 2 vs Cincinnati at Sack Academy Field at Mile High 

The Bengals are here!  Run, tell the guv'na!  No, seriously, tell the governor because it's going to be a state of emergency when their rookie QB/WR tandem is lit up like the Glenwood Springs wildfires.  The Andy Dalton to AJ Green connection is derailed thanks to fellow rookie Von Miller providing sweet, sweet pass rush against a pathetic edge on Cincy's offensive line.  Champ Bailey keeps AJ Green to 2 catchs for like 18 yards.  Cedric Benson runs a bit here and there, but generally lacks the push needed to get through the wall that DJ built.  WIN 21-13

Week 3 vs Tennessee at whatever shack Tennessee plays out of.

Chris Johnson, holdout extraordinaire, has decided not to show up for yet another week.  Oh, DARN.  Cortland Finnegan still has confusion as to where his dominant ethnic origins are and that quarterback that they reached for in the first round doesn't do anything special.  Denver moves Sack Academy Field at Mile High to the road and walks away with a big W tattooed on Von Miller's nerdy arm.  WIN 31-10

Week 4 vs Green Bay at the Roman Colosseum of North America

Let's get this out of the way now; Green Bay is as good as their stadium is old.  There's no denying that.  And it's for that reason that John Fox experiences his first diaper rash as a head coach of the Broncos at the hand of Mike McCarthy creating a game plan that involves "waxing that behind."  The weak side in the secondary looks really weak as the Packers are able to do things to Denver tha t are illegal in nine states.  Unfortunately, Kyle Orton doesn't see a bit of daylight in the passing game and the only light of hope is a good running attack led by Deebo Franklin, Chris Kuper and the running backs.  LOSS 24-13

Week 5 vs Sandy Eggo at Sack Academy Field at Mile High.

Screw Phillip Rivers and this guy.  You can't haunt our dreams dude, because Von Miller and his battalion of nerds don't sleep.  Joke's on you and your players that don't scare anyone. 

WIN 28-24

Week 6 BYE at Sack Academy Field at Mile High 

This team rocks so hard they win the bye week. WIN 255-0 

Week 7 vs Miami at Sun Life Dan Marino Memorial Stadium at the House That Lebron Built in South Beach, Florida.

Brandon Marshall is back to his dominant 2009 self.  He catches almost everything tossed his way.  Downside?  Chad Henne is the one throwing.  WIN 56-3

Week 8 vs Detroit at Sack Academy Field at Mile High 

Okay, this one I'm actually worried about.  Detroit has quietly been building a team that seriously looks like it could be the best team in the NFC North very soon.  Green Bay will have a fall from grace, and I think this is the squad that fills that role for a long, long time.  A boy named Suh hunts quarterbacks like it's his job (as if he gets paid to do it or something) and oh yeah, they have some other notable names like Nick Fairley, who I think is on a mission to hurt the people that didn't take him seriously in the draft.  Don't get me twisted, I would have never wanted Fairley at the second overall spot, but taking him when Detroit did in the draft was a move of genius.  LOSS 27-21

Week 9 vs Oakland at OVERSTOCK.COM FIELD (Not kidding, you can't make this stuff up)

The Raiders at this point have screwed things up so badly that the NFL is considering a forced exile of Al Davis, and the Raiders suck so bad that the entire internet is about to implode because of their stupid stadium naming rights.  This is the last time a website gets to name a stadium ever again.  The field is made of second rate memory foam mattresses, so it makes things easy on Jason Campbell when he gets sacked 11 times in one game.  Oakland fans get mad at world and stab stuff, and in other news, sky; blue, water; wet.  WIN 31-13

Record as of now: 6-2

To be continued....