Gents, it is sad but true- our beloved Donkeys have more drama than the Primetime line up on Bravo and Lifetime combined. You can't toss a dead cat in the air without it smacking into a riled up talking head staking a position in the Tebow or Orton camp. What is a fan to do? I for one am a bit sick and tired of the Drama and of Denver being the laughingstock of the NFL. So, I humbly offer the following solutions to Donkeys management.
1. The Money Grab.
In which Brian Xanders and John Elway pitch a reality show to ESPN and turn over all video from Training camp and weeks 1-2. The show premieres during the bye week and immediately receives phenomenal ratings. FRS, Shoe companies and Christian organizations relentlessly purchase ad time and boatloads of cash flow to the Denver Broncos. At the end of a miserable 5-11 season, Denver cuts or trades all three QBs and uses the money to sign a competent free agent or as a signing bonus for Andrew Luck.
2. The Brady Gambit
Orton gamely leads the team to a 1-5 start before bravely limping into the detroit game. Following a crushing Orton Sandwich in which Suh hits the ball into kyle so hard it causes internal injuries moments before Fairley picks the QB up and slams him into the Denver 14 yard line, a stoic Brady Quinn enters the game. The Detroit Lions are completely intimidated by Brady's war paint as he gamely slips out of the pocket and rips off huge chunks of yardage. Denver wins a big game and in the press conference following the game Brady Quinn states that "This is Kyle's team, and I'm just trying to fill in until he is ready to go" and further that he plans to take it "One play at a time". Tebow is never mentioned by the coach or management. Orton is secretly pleased his season is over and signs any contract to get out of Denver and away from Tim tebow and the impossible to please bronco fans. Brady Quinn signs any free agent contract to get out of Denver and away from Tim tebow and the impossible to please bronco fans. Tebow asks for a trade because all the players hate him and the laughingstock state of the team- not tebow's fault, but they are sick and tired of the three ring circus. EFX signs Jake Delhomme in the offseason, refuses to trade Tebow and states there will be a competition for the starting QB job. National Sports media celebrates. ESPN calls about a reality show.
3. The Tebow Maneuver
EFX relents over the bye week, benching Kyle orton after a 1-4 start to give the fans what they want......Brady Quinn. Quinn responds by throwing 9 interceptions during a three game losing streak. With the season in the toilet, Elway finally says "what the hell" and relents on the Tebow, and Tim is named starting QB. The bronco players are all pissed off, because tebow still sucks in practice and they are sick of a third string QB with more endorsement deals than the rest of the team combined. Tebow starts his first game in Arrowhead stadium in a game with national coverage. Pundits talk endlessly about whether tebow can get the job done. Ryan Clady secretly works out a coded message system to tell the Chefs d-line what tebow is going to do. Several broncos O-lineman mysteriously trip on most passing plays and Tebow is sacked 14 times in the first half. Despite this, the Defense plays hard, and with 2 minutes left in the game, Tebow eludes a blitz and runs 79 yards for a game winning TD, in which he steamrolls the the second string safety subbing for Eric berry. Pundits point out Tebow is terrible and he has a worse QB rating than Orton. Other pundits point out Denver just won in Arrowhead. No one is happy.
4. What is really going to happen.
Tebow remains thrid string behind Quinn and orton. Denver goes 4-12 or 5-11 and has a top 5 pick. Orton and Quinn sign elsewhere, Tebow is traded with some other picks so Denver can move up in the draft and select a QB of the future. Denver signs a veteran back up to help develop the rookie and Denver marginally improves next season before taking a big leap in 2013. Bronco fans all come to mile high report and talk about something besides our QB drama. Tebow, after being traded to Miami, makes the team as...the backup QB. Fin fans relentlessly chant his name as Henne continues to struggle. ESPN call Miami and pitches a reality show. National media celebrates. No one in Denver cares. All is well!
Cheers mates. it's just pro Football. We will eventually be good again, give it 2 more drafts!