Happy Draft's eve my friends! I'm here to bring you a fantastic Broncos mock that will knock your socks off----a scintillating peak into the mind of a genie. I will pull no punches, leave no stone unturned, and will not rest until I have added blue chip talent, impact players, and diamonds in the rough to the roster.
You are about cross the point of no return and in all fairness, if you take mocks seriously, you should not enter because my wheeling and dealing is not for the faint of heart, nor the short of breath, or the upright of walking. It is meant for the smart-assed among us that yearn to break free into the realm of independence and indifference.
If you've ever thought "OH NO NOT ANOTHER MOCK DRAFT" you are safe here my beleaguered brother. Follow me, take the leap, choose the blue pill, hop down the rabbit hole, and find some hilarity after the jump.
With the #25th pick in the 2012 Mocking the Mock draft, Bronco Mike selects:
Chester Cheetah, Frito Lay
Thoughts: It was a close call here, but if we are looking for blue chip talent, why the hell not take a Cheetah? I mean these things are friggen fast! In the bush, he was clocked out at an amazing 34 yards per second---which in forty time is just a shade under 1.2. Those big shoes slow him down for sure, but even then we're still looking at a 40-time of 1.5 seconds tops! Add the shades and Chester has all the makings of a 1st round prima donna---hey if you're gonna walk the walk you might as well talk the talk. The clincher for me was that his naturally orange coat already fits nicely with our bangin' new threads. Welcome to team insanity Chester!
With the #57th pick in the 2012 Mocking the Mock draft, Bronco Mike selects:
The Incredible Hulk, Marvel
Thoughts: WOW!!! What great value and potential with the pick, we finally get a guy who can provide that dominant presence on the interior defensive line. Hell, I'm pretty sure this guy could take up both DT positions and be the first ever simultaneous 1 gapper/3 tech. The only questions about this prospect....and admittedly why he's available in the 2nd round....he can't control the transformation to Green Monster. No worries though Broncos fans, I'm sure new strength and conditioning coach Luke Richesson can figure out how to unleash the beast---just hope it doesn't violate the leagues' anti-doping policy...
With the 88th pick in the 2012 Mocking the Mock draft, Bronco Mike selects:
The RedBull Angel, RedBull
Thoughts: This is a move designed to stack the locker room with leadership. After losing Tim Tebow to a trade and Brian Dawkins to retirement, many have wondered if the Big Man upstairs is no longer on the Broncos side? Well to be safe, I felt it was prudent to maintain those heavenly connections and what better way than to draft an angel? Ok he's not exactly a real angel, and some have reasoned that the only reason "he has wings" is because of the red bull itself. To be fair, here is my counterargument. 1) Have you ever tried to catch a real angel? Those suckers are fast! 2) redbull does not contain any substances banned by the NFL, so this guy is actually helping his teammates by providing them with energy. 3) He's a man with wings, hopefully the Big Guy upstairs doesn't notice the difference and assumes he's a real angel so we can remain in his good graces. Solid Special Teams starter from the beginning.
With the 109th pick in the 2012 Mocking the Mock draft, Bronco Mike selects:
The Leprechaun, Notre Dame
Thoughts: This is a real sleeper here! There's no way around it folks, we are in the era of "bling bling." You can't argue that having this guy on the field with a pot of gold won't increase our defensive takeaways ten-fold. Worried about big plays? Have this guy play beside Mike Adams, anytime a ball carrier gets behind the defense, The Leprechaun can throw some gold pieces his way. You mean to tell me that any ballcarrier wouldn't stop and drop the ball to bend down and pick up some bling? Fuggetaboutit!!! Rookie of the Year awaits!
Overall, I'm happy with the way this mockery turned out. We added some real speed on offense, an insurance policy with the Big Man, and a couple of potential All-pros on defense. There's no bones about it my friends, my mock knocks everyone else out of the water. There may be no crying in football, but that won't stop me from Mocking the Mock, hope you
enjoyed laughed a little bit!