I feel sorry for Luck.
I mean think about it.
Here is the new golden boy for Indy.... just came off a poor showing vs the Chargers. Im not impressed with the Chargers defense, so that doesnt bode well for Luck.
Richardson ran ok in the game, but nothing spectacular. He even missed a blitz pick up in the second half that got Luck plastered by some nameless big body.
And here comes the EX, Peyton UNBELIEVABLE Manning. The guy your team said was through, the guy whos job you took. The guy whos picture is in EVERY SINGLE SPORTSBAR IN INDY. His jersey is floating EVERYWHERE you go, even when youre playing away games. His face is on commercials EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Andrew Luck now has an associative disorder involving Papa Johns pizza. Pavalov was right. Doctors are working on it.
And hes got the GREATEST NFL OFFENSE IN THE HISTORY OF BIPEDAL HOMINIDS. And hes coming into YOUR HOUSE, on YOUR HOME TURF, in front of the BEST TEAM EVER, and you have to play him.
Is that all?
Oh no. Not this week. Its also the PREMIER GAME OF THE WEEK. John Madden will be there, but not on TV. Meanwhile every single household on the planet that has an xy chromosome in it will be tuned to the game. NFL NETWORK will reaire it fifteen times a week until the earth cools.
Is that all??
By the way, Andrew, we will ALSO be CELEBRATING THE OPPOSING QUARTERBACK AT HALFTIME. THATS RIGHT, Manning will be given THE KEY TO THE CITY, JERSEY RETIRED, AND FIRST SHOT AT DATING YOUR GIRLFRIEND, ANDREW LUCK, AT HALFTIME. PEYTON MANNING DAY t shirts will be passed out to the crowd, and it would be just super if you could be a part of the ceremony and hold Mr Mannings coffee while he gets the awards. Andrew Lucks mother is planning to attend and will be wearing her Manning jersey just in case he gets a moment to sign it.
Your agent okayed this.
Is that all?
WE ALSO ARE BRINGING THE ALL TIME MOST VICIOUS PASS RUSHER WHOS BEEN LIFTING WEIGHTS NON STOP FOR EIGHT WEEKS, AND WANTS TO PROVE HIS WORTH AND PROVE TO EVERYONE HES A GOOD PLAYER BY CRUSHING YOUR FRAIL BODY TIME AND TIME AGAIN, PLAY AFTER PLAY....and your insurance company called announcing this has doubled your insurance rates.
Von Miller will be at the edge of rabid. Hes put on ten pounds and, by accounts, is just as fast but twice as strong. Apparently he didnt do much in the weight room in the last two years, but now has found a taste for it. And hes back... and hes pissed, and hes gonna be off his leash and frothing at the mouth chasing whoever has the ball until they fall to the ground, where Miller will pounce on them, then do the sonic the hedgehog celebration dance.... on his way to a ten sack performance.
Is that all...?
NOPE. THATS RIGHT, with a tuneup game, you will also be facing Champ Bailey's FULL RECOVERY return. One of the greatest all time defensive backs to ever play the game. Also in the secondary is Danny Travathan, who single handedly ended the SHOOTOUT IN DALLAS with his third, yep, third interception of the year.... whos job it is to cover your outlet receiver and return two of the five interceptions you throw for pick sixes... adding your name to the bad part of NFL RECORDS.
Is that all?
Just one more thing Andrew. We gave Manning your parking place for the week.....
I feel like we, as a group, should send an IM SORRY fruit basket to Andrew Luck.
I mean, i feel for the kid.