It makes sense. We have literally nothing to talk about in the gaping chasm between the end of the season and the beginning of training camp. Sure, there is the occasional contract dispute or police drama, but NFL off-season is a bleak, empty, unhappy place. Just as fan enthusiasm starts to drift into darkness, media outlets put it on life support. They play make believe. They mock drafts.
The 8 Reasons I'll Never Read Another Mock Draft
1. Mock drafts are to football fans what Cosmo sex tips articles are to the insecure. Always wrong, always a rehash of the last version with a couple new twists, and almost always irresistible. They briefly satisfy our mild curiosities. They are the tastiest clickbait morsels of the entire offseason. "Who could MY team end up with? Heck, I'll give it a look..."
2. They aren't satisfying, even when they're brilliant. No matter the degree to which you agree with a mock, you're always left right where you were before you read it: in wait and see mode. I've never read a mock draft and said "Yes! Now we're in good shape for the playoffs." Usually its "I hope that happens" or "I pray that doesn't" or "Not even Al Davis would touch that guy." They aren't real news or satisfying entertainment. Mock drafts are like chewing gum when you're starving.
3. They're wrong. Always. Every one of them. Drafts have over 220 picks in them, and most mock drafts come flying off the rails and bursting apart at the seams at around pick 5. Worst of all, mockers will point to one or two guys they nailed and blow their chests way out in triumph. Holy cow you mocked a DE going to Atlanta in the second round! Move over, Jerry Jones - we've got a new football executive powerhouse on the loose.
4. You don't know the trades. And there will be dozens. Has there ever been a bigger waste of time than trying to predict the order of 200 players getting drafted when THE ORDER CHANGES 50 TIMES ON THE DAY OF THE DRAFT? All those pointless, innumerable hours you spent poring over prospects and draft needs go disappearing into smoke because an impulsive owner really liked a tight end. Poof.
5. Did I mention they are wrong? 2013 1st Round Mock Draft Results for the Denver Broncos: Tank Carradine (Walter Football), WRONG. Jonathan Banks (Bleacher Report), WRONG-O. Alec Ogletree (SBNation), WRONG AGAIN. Datone Jones (Peter King, SI) WAIT FOR IT.....YEP, STILL WRONG. I'm going to save myself the googling for the other 99.9% of drafts and cut to the chase. Mock drafts are always wrong.
6. They aren't fun. Shut up, no they aren't.
7. The real draft is fun. Shut up, yes it is. All 6 days of coverage or whatever it's stretched out to nowadays.
8. I mostly wrote this because writing a mock draft seemed like too much work. My goodness do you guys have a lot of time on your hands. Watching tape! Analyzing scheme fit! Investigating character! I guarantee I won't have even heard of our 2nd round pick this year. But then I'll research him and watch his tape and I'll be pretty certain he's my new favorite player. And there won't be a second wasted on guys that don't end up on our team! How efficient is that?
Really, I don't hate you or your mock draft. But that's because I didn't read it. I'm sure you outlined some really excellent guys for us to draft, though. And you know what? You go ahead and put those guys on the Broncos in Madden. You earned it, buddy.
I hope you've enjoyed today's Mock Article.
Is it Thursday yet?