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NFL Power Rankings: Week 12

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Well, Week 11 sucked for us Denver Broncos fans. I was not unkind to their rankings, but that was mostly due to a bunch of other top tier teams also losing on Sunday.
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Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

After the 1960s Denver Broncos showed up on Sunday, I toyed with the idea of skipping a week of these power rankings, but then I realized I enjoy being sarcastic and laughing at other teams stupid flops. Just don't expect me to laugh at the Broncos stupid flop.

It was a ho hum kind of week with a slew of low scoring affairs. The most amazing part of putting this power rankings post together is that heading into Week 12 there are nineteen teams .500 or above with seventeen of those with a 6-4 or better record. This is why being 7-3 right now means absolutely nothing. You hear me, John Fox?

Check out last week's power rankings and tell me how wrong or stupid I was. A special thanks to the Mile High Report community for helping me ensure only the best GIFs are used up in here.

RNK
TEAM
INSTANT ANALYSIS

1

New England Patriots

Record 8-2. On Sunday Night Football, Broncos fans got a distinct look at what a well-coached football team looks like. Bill Bellichick noticed something in film study that drove him to pound an undrafted running back 38 times to the tune of 200+ yards and four touchdowns. Instead of pounding that square peg of Tom Brady into a round hole that was the Indianapolis Colts solid pass defense, they game planned themselves to a huge blowout road win. I sit here today, envious of that.

2

Arizona Cardinals

Record 9-1. I am kicking myself for hating on the Arizona Cardinals because of Drew Stanton, but all he did was throw for 300 yards and a few touchdowns to lead his time to a 9-1 record. The Cardinals are now two games ahead for homefield advantage and three games up to the second place tie in the NFC West. Next up, a statement game against the struggling Seattle Seahawks.

3

Green Bay Packers

Record 7-3. Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers are now my pick to win it all - now that the Broncos apparently suck. This team is freaking dangerous. Since their Week 3 loss to the Detroit Lions, the Packers are 6-1 and have averaged 40 points per game. That includes an incredible 108 points in their last two games. Ridiculous.

4

Kansas City Chiefs

Record 7-3. Oh boy, Kansas City Chiefs fans are going to falling all over themselves that a Broncos fan just put them atop the AFC West even though the heads-up tiebreaker still goes to the Broncos. Those smug little bastards can laugh it up for now as their team is playing lights out football and may very well end up winning this division. That said, I'll take comfort knowing their tears will flow in a great deluge in January just like they do every time the Chiefs make the playoffs. So laugh it up, Chiefs fans. I'll save my laughter for January.

5

Denver Broncos

Record 7-3. What do you want me to say? This GIF was pretty much my reaction to Sunday's clusterf***. The offensive line is pretty much the root of all of our problems.

6

Dallas Cowboys

Record 7-3. The Dallas Cowboys were on a Bye last week, but due to a bunch of teams stinking up the joint, they moved up a few spots this week.

7

Detroit Lions

Record 7-3. How, with all of that offensive firepower, could the Detroit Lions not score a touchdown on Sunday? It's inexcusable and another reason to roll your eyes when announces talk about how Matthew Stafford reached 20,000 yards passing quicker than any quarterback in NFL History. So freaking what. Try winning some freaking games. Note: I do think the refs screwed the Lions in this game, but that is not the point I am trying to make.

8

Baltimore Ravens

Record 6-4. The Baltimore Ravens had a Bye last week, but Joe Flacco was totally elite on Sunday. In case you all missed it.

9

Miami Dolphins

Record 6-4. The Miami Dolphins travel to Denver this week and after the catastrophe the Broncos suffered in St. Louis this should be considered a winnable game for the Dolphins. Their defense is ferocious and Ryan Tannehill is playing really solid football in 2014. However, I swear to freaking God if the Broncos lose this game I will have a conniption fit. It will be epic, but it better not happen dammit.

10

Seattle Seahawks

Record 6-4. The Seattle Seahawks front office is doing its best to undermine the players by flapping their yaps about the long term security for their star players. Marshawn Lynch now has to think about where he is playing next year, which means he needs to make sure he saves his legs to play for a new employer next year, which means he shouldn't play like beast mode as much. At least, I wouldn't. Why wouldn't I? Because I just found out I have one foot out the door, so its time to check out and coast to the next gig. It's called human nature, people.

11

Indianapolis Colts

Record 6-4. The Achilles heel of this team will be its defense and Andrew Luck isn't always going to be able to overcome that, especially against other outstanding quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. Knowing how poorly the organization drafts, I doubt they'll fix those problems any time soon. Luck will keep them competitive though!

12

San Francisco 49ers

Record 6-4. The San Francisco 49ers get five interceptions off of Eli Manning and hold onto their pants for a 16-10 win. Seriously? Colin Kaepernick needs to spend more time in the film room and less time doing whatever the hell he is doing besides studying that film, because Colin sir, you freaking suck in 2014. Stop sucking, my fantasy football championship aspirations depend on it.

13

Philadelphia Eagles

Record 7-3. Good news football fans! We only had to endure a single week of the Philadelphia Eagles being a quarterback-proof offense as Mark Sanchez threw a pick-six and also had trouble handling a high snap that turned into a fumble recovery for a touchdown. Yikes. The Eagles are going to have to wait another year to figure to find a quarterback. I can think of a couple Washington Redskins quarterbacks that would be better fits than Sanchez or Nick Foles.

14

Pittsburgh Steelers

Record 7-4. I was fully ready to tank the Pittsburgh Steelers like a rock late last night, but Ben Roethlisberger and more importantly, Le'Veon Bell, turned it on late to get out of Nashville with a 27-24 road win. I was pretty down on this team early in the season, but they are really surprising me now. The AFC north is getting ridiculous with the winning records up in there.

15

Cincinnati Bengals

Record 6-3-1. I hate this team. Andy Dalton sucks worse than any quarterback in NFL history, then gets a blowout win on the road. The Cincinnati Bengals are doomed come January, but in the meantime we'll just have to keep guessing which team is going to show up each week. Now go get blown out by the Houston Texans.

16

Cleveland Browns

Record 6-4. Every time I am just about to jump on board the Cleveland Browns bandwagon, they crap the bed. Losing 23-7 at home is not what good teams do, although losing 22-7 might be what good teams do. Right Broncos fans? :) Anyway, the team that showed up on Sunday was the Browns team we all expected at the beginning of the season. Makes you wonder now. The doubt has begun to creep in. Then Josh Gordon got reinstated yesterday and my fantasy team just got a few points better and the belief in the Browns instantly returned.

17

San Diego Chargers

Record 6-4. A winning record does not a winner make. Philip Rivers and the San Diego Chargers put up a whopping 13 points at home against the 0-10 Oakland Raiders. With this kind of effort, I think we can expect a solid 9-7 record yet against this year and this time it will exclude a playoff berth.

18

Houston Texans

Record 5-5. J.J. Watt abuses punters and catches touchdowns. Wait, what? He had two roughing the punter penalties and a touchdown catch in the Houston Texans victory over the Cleveland Browns, but its what he does to opposing quarterbacks that is just filthy. I see no way any other player gets the Defensive Player of the Year award and I would probably vote him for NFL MVP too, because no other player has made a bigger impact on his team than he.

19

Atlanta Falcons

Record 4-6. The Atlanta Falcons, who didn't win a game for 50 consecutive days at one point this season, is now tied for first place in the NFC South with the equally pathetic New Orleans Saints. Well, I guess that is okay because on paper the Falcons and Saints should be the two best teams in this division. Someone just needs to win out now, because who wants to get into the playoffs with a losing record? It's embarrassing .. even if you win a playoff game or two. It's embarrassing.

20

New Orleans Saints

Record 4-6. So much for the theory that Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints do not lose at home. They just got dominated at home and incredibly, I am beginning to trust the Atlanta Falcons more than this team. The entire NFC South division is an embarrassment.

21

St. Louis Rams

Record 4-6. Jeff Fisher, you are a dirty scumbag and I hate your face. Will you come coach the Denver Broncos in 2015?

22

Buffalo Bills

Record 5-5. According to Peter King, Kyle Orton and the Buffalo Bills have now gone twenty-one straight drives, covering 107 minutes, without scoring a touchdown. Without C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson in the lineup, this Bills offense is horribly limited and won't be competing for a playoff spot in a few weeks if this continues. It's the Bills anyway, so this revelation is not surprising.

23

Chicago Bears

Record 4-6. I would say that Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears saved their season, but I would be lying. I think the Bears get back to .500 briefly and in true Cutler fashion they will promptly lose two games and close out the season 7-9. Enjoy another "almost", Bears fans!

24

Minnesota Vikings

Record 4-6. The Minnesota Vikings have got to be looking for Adrian Peterson to return sooner rather than later after suffering yet another loss. With four wins, one could only imagine how much of a difference maker the former NFL MVP might have been in some of the close games they have lost. As it stands, they would have to win out to have a shot anyway.

25

New York Giants

Record 3-7. Bad Eli Manning showed up on Sunday and it cost the New York Giants a game they should have won. The Manning brothers combined for seven interceptions in Week 11. Ouch. Tom Coughlin is toast.

26

Carolina Panthers

Record 3-7-1. Cam Newton has gone from Superman to scapegoat and his poor attitude only hurts this Carolina Panthers team that is in desperate need of a leader on offense to lead this team. On defense, well they are a train wreck. Except for Luke Kuechly who consistently kicks ass for me on my fantasy football team. I love all those tackles, sir. Thank you!

27

Tennessee Titans

Record 2-8. The Tennessee Titans played the Pittsburgh Steelers tough and may have seen the kind of progression in Zach Mettenberger that may give them the confidence to move on from Jake Locker. The only question now is, can the Titans start winning some games here to close out their season?

28

Washington Redskins

Record 3-7. The Washington Redskins need to commit to a quarterback whose name isn't Robert Griffin III. They have thoroughly ruined him and should allow him to move on to another team to try and recapture his confidence and quarterbacking abilities, because the longer he stays with this franchise the worse its going to get. They should also get rid of Kirk Cousins, because they didn't even try to give him a chance to grow as a "rookie" first-year starter. In fact, just draft a new quarterback in 2015 and let these other guys go try to succeed elsewhere. Jerks.

29

New York Jets

Record 2-8. The New York Jets didn't play this week, which is probably a good thing for them.

30

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Record 2-8. Robert Griffin III showed up in a big way for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, helping this club notch their second win of the season. The hilarity is how the Washington Redskins ownership prefers draft status over in-game performance. The Bucs capitalized big time from that hilarity. Finally, I have a reason to bump them up out of the bottom of the barrel here.

31

Jacksonville Jaguars

Record 1-9. The Jacksonville Jaguars didn't play either, which is definitely a good thing for them.

32

Oakland Raiders

Record 0-10. The Oakland Raiders may not win another game this year. After losing their 16th straight game dating to last season, they Raiders now face just one team on their schedule with a losing record. Their best chances lie in stealing a game from a division rival. I'm not liking their chances in that regard either. LOL