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NFL Power Rankings: Week 16

This is my final power rankings post of the year, so let's end it with a bang, shall we? I even threw in my final seeding predictions with two weeks of football left in the 2014 regular season.
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So my number one seed is apparently a kiss of death for teams as the Seattle Seahawks, Denver Broncos, New England Patriots and now Green Bay Packers have all bit the dust after getting that top spot in my power rankings. Looks like I need to keep the Patriots up there for the rest of the season. Just because I hate them.

To round out these final power rankings of the season, I went off on a few teams and enjoyed it. I was particularly proud of my analysis of the dumpster fire that is the Washington Redskins organization. With two weeks to go, I'll also give my final predictions for seeding in both conferences before we begin today.

AFC: 1. Broncos, 2. Patriots, 3. Colts, 4. Steelers, 5. Ravens, 6. Bengals

NFC: 1. Seahawks, 2. Packers, 3. Cowboys, 4. Saints, 5. Cardinals, 6. Lions

That's right. I am predicting that the Buffalo Bills go into New England and take down the Patriots in the lion's den. Kyle Orton finally wins one for the Denver Broncos. Hey, a guy can dream right? For now, here are the power rankings as teams currently stand.



New England Patriots

Record 11-3. It looks like I will be reduced to hoping for a 1997-style road playoff win over the New England Patriots this year, unless Kyle Orton can finally win one for the Denver Broncos in Week 17! If not, then after blowing it against the St. Louis Rams, it's fitting that the Denver Broncos must travel to New England to get back into the Super Bowl. At least these jerk faces finally have to come to Denver next season.


Seattle Seahawks

Record 10-4. The good news is that Seattle Seahawks could be faced with a road warrior path back to the Super Bowl, because the last thing I want (regardless of where the Broncos end up) is to listen to Seahawks fans gush over their football team for another month beyond the end of the regular season. Those people are annoying and entirely fair weather. I bet I could name more of their players from the 80s and 90s than most of their fanbase. A loss this week in Arizona would be more than awesome.


Denver Broncos

Record 11-3. Peyton Manning fought through the flu to secure the Denver Broncos 12th straight road divisional win and fourth straight AFC West Division title. So thank you, kind sir! The Broncos have found balance on offense and have become something fierce on defense over the last four weeks. This is a team that could be built to compete with the New England Patriots on the road, unlike the pass-heavy team that first traveled there two months ago. It's the way its got to be.


Dallas Cowboys

Record 10-4. Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys looked freaking good on Sunday Night Football, but they were playing Mark Sanchez. In any case, five touchdowns from their star skill players Dez Bryant and Demarco Murray is exactly how this team dominates. If we see more of that moving forward then this team could do some damage in the playoffs, unless Murray's broken hand screws that up. Still, this team is a far cry from the worst team in the NFC East prediction I made back in July.


Green Bay Packers

Record 10-4. Suddenly that win over the Buffalo Bills is looking a little better this week, isn't it Broncos Country? The Green Bay Packers had an atrocious game and Aaron Rodgers is certainly glad that game is over. They'll bounce back though, but that home field advantage talk has evaporated just as quickly as it started. Now they need to win out and have the Seahawks and Cardinals to drop a game each to get back that number one seed.


Arizona Cardinals

Record 11-3. Seriously, I keep fading the Arizona Cardinals and they keep winning. It's time to break their backs and pick them to win this week. Wait, who are they playing? No. I'm going to pick against them unless they sign Tim Tebow to quarterback them to a win this week. Tebow is like Russell Wilson ... without the ability to throw. I do love 2011 Tim Tebow though. Just so people know that. Now Cardinals, go beat those Seahawks.


Indianapolis Colts

Record 10-4. The Indianapolis Colts cruised to another AFC South division title and could be on a collision course with the Denver Broncos if things hold up. Andrew Luck is a frightening quarterback to face, but then again, so is Peyton Manning. OMG it's almost playoff time! I can't help it. Happy dance.


Baltimore Ravens

Record 9-5. I am purposely pumping up the Baltimore Ravens in my rankings, because I am officially in the Fantasy Football League Championship this week. At stake is a pot of $400 and I have Joe Flacco, the Ravens defense and their kicker. That's a lot of Ravens and it was entirely from the waiver wire that it happened. Either way, I need Joe Flacco to throw five touchdowns and that Ravens defense to obliterate the Houston Texans quarterback. However, I do need Adrian Foster to score a few touchdowns, so... um yeah, the Ravens are 8th today in my power rankings.


Detroit Lions

Record 10-4. The Detroit Lions playoff seeding will likely come down to the final week in a game against the Green Bay Packers that could end up being for all the marbles as they say. I don't trust Matthew Stafford, so my money is on the Packers in that game. Sorry Lions fans, but your team has about three more wins then it should have. I'm an expert in these things.


Pittsburgh Steelers

Record 9-5. I really wish the Pittsburgh Steelers would become the mediocre football team I expected them to be, because I keep picking against them with that mindset. This is the final power rankings of the year, so I'm going to finally get my head out of my ass and pick the Steelers to win this week. They are playing the Kansas City Chiefs though, so...


Cincinnati Bengals

Record 9-4-1. Whelp, the good Cincinnati Bengals showed up to destroy the Johnny Manziel Cleveland Browns. Which means the bad Cincinnati Bengals will show up this week to face the Denver Broncos on Monday Night Football. Yes. I'm diabolical like that. This will be one and done in the playoffs anyway. They are the "other" Kansas City Chiefs.


Buffalo Bills

Record 8-6. The Buffalo Bills have positioned themselves to really have a chance to close out the season strong, but it would require two road wins and one that ends in New England. The odds are against them, but no one would cheer harder for a 10-win season than me! Go Kyle Orton! I'm sorry I said some bad things about you in this post, but 59-14.


Philadelphia Eagles

Record 9-5. The Philadelphia Eagles season is toast. They will get to 10 wins, but I do not think that will be enough. Dropping back to back home games is not what good football teams do and their defense is also showing signs of vulnerability. Nick Foles is probably glad he'll at least be the front runner come training camp.


Kansas City Chiefs

Record 8-6. The Kansas City Chiefs must win out if they are to guarantee themselves a first round exit in the playoffs again in 2014. I just don't think it will happen, as much as I love seeing the Chiefs exit the playoffs in the first round. In fact, I think the Chiefs lose out to finish 8-8 as those San Diego Chargers somehow find a way to match their 8-8 record to close out the season.


Houston Texans

Record 7-7. The Houston J.J. Watts played the Indianapolis Colts tough, but just couldn't find enough quarterback talent to lift them to victory. The Texans only need an above average quarterback and could easily find themselves back in the playoffs in 2015. Kyle Orton anyone? Opps, I said above average, my bad. It's too easy, people. Just too damn easy!


San Diego Chargers

Record 8-6. The San Diego Chargers could very well be in the best position to win out as they travel to play at the San Francisco 49ers who have mailed it in already and at the Kansas City Chiefs who have a history of choking in big games. Philip Rivers could yet be playing in January. Maybe even in Denver. Then I remembered that the Chargers offense has forgotten how to score and maybe they'll be the big chokers down the stretch. I'm still bitter over rooting them on against the Patriots. Never again.


New Orleans Saints

Record 6-8. Finally, Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints won a game they needed to win and are just two wins away from finishing the season at .500 and in the playoffs. 8-8 is far more respectable than 6-10 or 7-9 and the media will likely back off from the NFC South if they can pull it off. The irony is, they could be ready to steamroll the Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs. That would be funny.


St. Louis Rams

Record 6-8. Good God, that had to have been the worst coaching job from Jeff Fisher I had ever seen. It didn't help that I needed Tre Mason to score some points as my semi-finals Fantasy Football team was up against the number 1 seed. The good news is I had Dez Bryant and the Ravens defense, so screw you Fisher. I won in spite of your St. Louis Rams. Dick.


Minnesota Vikings

Record 6-8. Teddy Bridgewater looks like he might just be the real deal in the NFL and the Minnesota Vikings look a bit explosive at times. If Adrian Peterson comes back in 2015, I might just peg this team as a Wild Card contender.


Miami Dolphins

Record 7-7. I had the Miami Dolphins as one of my dark horses to secure a playoff spot three weeks ago, but then they promptly forgot how to play defense and a .500 record is where they'll end up again this season. I don't really care for the Dolphins franchise anyway, so whatever. Stupid losers can't even beat the Patriots in Foxborough.


San Francisco 49ers

Record 7-7. And just like that the San Francisco 49ers are done. Colin Kaepernick is terrible and the offense can't score points. The defense is okay, but when you can't put up more than 10 points, what's the point? As a Californian, at least I won't have to listen to their drivel this post season.


Carolina Panthers

Record 5-8-1. With Cam Newton's near death experience behind the wheel, I had a feeling the Carolina Panthers would rally around him and win big. Rally they did, with a dominating 19-17 home win over the powerhouse Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Oh wait. Seriously guys. The NFC South needs to be kicked out of the NFL. It's embarrassing.


New York Giants

Record 5-9. I love Tom Coughlin, but his tenure needs to come to an end after this season. The New York Giants and Eli Manning in particular needs new blood, new ideas and a new direction. The Hall of Fame should be the next stop in the NFL for Coughlin. In the meantime, who freaking knows how the Giants will play in the remaining two games.


Atlanta Falcons

Record 5-9. On the verge of a 10-loss season and the Atlanta Falcons are still in the NFC South division hunt. This is disgusting. If I were the Falcons players, I would quit playing and ensure Mike Smith is fired. It's either that or the fans blame you for how terrible you have collectively played. Take the easy out, guys. It's okay.


Cleveland Browns

Record 7-7. So Johnny Manziel is terrible. Like worse than Tim Tebow. No seriously. Tim Tebow logged 138 yards passing and 78 yards rushing with two touchdowns in a road game against the Oakland Raiders in the same year that Oakland beat the Broncos 59-14 in Denver with Kyle Orton at quarterback. Tim Tebow then won his second start against the Houston Texans. I just don't know if Johnny Football has it in him. Maybe he should be called Johnny 8-Ball.


Chicago Bears

Record 5-9. Jay Cutler has officially checked out. Near the end of the third quarter, Cutler was 9/19 for 87 yards and 3 INT against the 30th ranked defense in the NFL. If that doesn't tell the Chicago Bears what they need to know about Cutler and how he is going to play for the coaching staff he hates, then they are dumber than I think they are. And I think they are pretty dumb. #LOLCutler


New York Jets

Record 3-11. The New York Jets won a game in what could be the most pathetic matchup in NFL history. The sloppy 16-11 win over the equally woeful Tennessee Titans was certainly nothing to brag about and I've already been hearing whispers from fellow Broncos fans about how awesome it would be to have Rex Ryan coaching the Broncos defense in 2015. I don't know, I think the Ryan's have pretty much played themselves out.


Jacksonville Jaguars

Record 2-12. Well hot damn, Blake Bortles played a pretty good game against a fierce Baltimore Ravens defense. The Jacksonville Jaguars are going to be just fine if they can just start surrounding Bortles with some talent. They probably should start with some offensive line talent, umm, because eight sacks is definitely not good.


Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Record 2-12. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are quietly having the worst season in the NFL. Will their pain ever end? I suppose it helps that I can't even find anything interesting to say about this ball club. Can you spell b-o-r-i-n-g? Oh wait, I meant can you spell w-h-o c-a-r-e-s!


Oakland Raiders

Record 2-12. Win a game, get blown out, win a game, get blown out. Sheesh. Make up your damn minds, Oakland. The Raiders are in position to get a top pick in the 2015 NFL Draft, so I would advise them to just lay it down and get that young talent. Especially in Week 17. Not that it matters, Denver is going to punk your asses either way.


Washington Redskins

Record 3-11. The Washington Team... LOL, just kidding. The Washington Redskins are a laughingstock in the NFL now and if I were a Native American and the Redskins mascot wasn't offensive before, it is now. I know my history and the way the Redskins play football is NOT the way Native Americans fought in real life. If they did, the Vikings would have conquered America 500 years before the Patriots.


Tennessee Titans

Record 2-12. Another year, another finish on Injured Reserve for Jack Locker. I'm starting to wonder if he is getting hurt on purpose just to avoid playing for the Tennessee Titans. Quarterback-needy will have no shortage of retreads in 2015 with Locker, Kirk Cousins, Colt McCoy and maybe even Robert Griffin III hitting the open market. Should be fun for fans of crappy teams this offseason.