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NFL Power Rankings: Week 15

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I personally had my worst week in pick'em all year and that is due to me mostly being an idiot. The good teams are finally starting to separate themselves from the mediocre teams with three games to go, so the playoff races should get a little easier to keep track of moving forward.
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After a few week hiatus, I am finally back to these power rankings post just in time for them to end! I feel I brought my A-game this week, unlike the Denver Broncos who couldn't even beat the Kyle Orton-led Buffalo Bills by 60 points. Unacceptable.

Joking aside, I was moving one week and without Internet the next, so my excuses are valid. It's good to be back anyways, because there is plenty to make fun of this week with the San Francisco 49ers leading the way! I live in Sacramento, California, so it was particularly juicy to see all of the sadness from those loud-mouthed fans on Monday morning.

My Top 4 this week include the four teams I think will meet each other in the conference championship games and any of these teams could end up playing for that Lombardi Trophy in the Super Bowl in two months.



Green Bay Packers

Record 10-3. The Green Bay Packers are the most complete team in the NFL right now and I just don't see how any team takes them down in Lambeau. Aaron Rodgers has more offensive weapons than Peyton Manning does and also has one of the leagues best running backs in Eddie Lacy. Seriously, this team is frighteningly good.


New England Patriots

Record 10-3. Tom Brady and New England Patriots continue to win as many as games as the best teams in football. How? I really don't know. Their running backs are unimpressive, their wide receivers are average. They have the Gronk, but seriously, I just don't get it. Stupid well-coached teams. I hate them.


Seattle Seahawks

Record 9-4. The Legion of Boom is back and apparently its even better than last year. I didn't realize taking advantage of Mark Sanchez was the same as doing it against Peyton Manning. I think the Seattle Seahawks are the second-best team in the NFC and they'll find that out in the playoffs if they travel to Green Bay. I just want them to lose and be sad. It's the little things that keep me going.


Denver Broncos

Record 10-3. Peyton Manning had another sub-par game, so the same old writers have resurfaced to question whether Manning is washed up and the Denver Broncos have to run the ball to mask his dying right arm. My bet is the rumors are false and the click whores are just looking for clicks. The balance on this offense should be encouraging to fans, but I'm sure there were a lot of butthurt fantasy football players who got screwed in the playoffs because of Manning's wimpy stat-line. Boo-hoo. Broncos are 10-3. Take a bow.


Dallas Cowboys

Record 9-4. The Dallas Cowboys have the look of a team that could win a playoff game this year, but then I realized they have Tony Romo. There is also a hilarious Twitter sideshow going on between Brennan Clay and Demarco Murray over Clay's wife unable to get enough of Murray's sweet lovin'. Cheaters deserve this kind of humiliation, right?


Arizona Cardinals

Record 10-3. For the third week in a row I faded the Arizona Cardinals and this time it came back to bite me in the ass. The Cardinals will be one and done in the playoffs, but they will limp right in as a Wild Card. It's tough to win football games without an experienced veteran leader under center and the Cardinals are going to learn this lesson the hard way.


Detroit Lions

Record 9-4. Matthew Stafford eats bad teams for breakfast and did it again on Sunday. The Detroit Lions are in firm control of a playoff spot if they keep winning, but it's going to come down to someone getting left out. Personally, I think the team that gets left out in the cold will be the Philadelphia Eagles. Mark Sanchez, people.


Philadelphia Eagles

Record 9-4. The NFC East is probably going to come down to next weeks match-up with the Dallas Cowboys. They shocked the Cowboys in Dallas two weeks ago and will likely go into this game thinking it will be just as easy. It won't and they'll be in for the fight for their playoff lives to close out the season. I also just don't like the Eagles.


Indianapolis Colts

Record 9-4. Andrew Luck is like the only awesome young quarterback in the league right now. It's going to be crazy to think that in about four years Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning could all be out of the NFL. Who fills that freaking void? Matt Ryan? Joe Flacco? Nope, it's going to be Luck and Aaron Rodgers ... then everyone else. The Indianapolis Colts do not deserve to have Luck either. Such a waste.


Baltimore Ravens

Record 8-5. Somehow, someway the Baltimore Ravens are going to get into the playoffs. Either that, or the terrible home loss to the San Diego Chargers is going to screw them out of a chance. The good news for them is that the Chargers play the Denver Broncos this week, so there is a good chance that could put them in position to snag a playoff spot.


Pittsburgh Steelers

Record 8-5. Dang, so this Pittsburgh Steelers team I kept expecting to lay down and finish .500 is actually getting up to whoop some ass. Ben Roethlisberger led that team to a 25 point fourth quarter against the woeful Cincinnati Bengals on the road. That right there is what good football teams do.


San Diego Chargers

Record 8-5. I rooted for the San Diego Chargers on Sunday Night Football. It left me feeling disgusted with myself and I vow never to debase myself like that again. I don't care what is at stake. Screw this team and their lack of winning when it matters. Losers. Go move to Los Angeles already.


Cincinnati Bengals

Record 8-4-1. Speaking of what good football teams do, bad football teams do the opposite. Like giving up 25 points in the fourth quarter at home. To a division rival. The Bengals are one of the most frustrating teams to figure out. I hope they miss the playoffs because they annoy the shit out of me.


Houston Texans

Record 7-6. The J.J. Watt MVP talk is ramping up and for good reason because the guy is a freaking animal on the football field. The Houston Texans need a long term answer at quarterback and they will become a true powerhouse in the AFC South to challenge those Colts in 2015.


Buffalo Bills

Record 7-6. The Buffalo Bills pass defense played a great game to keep Peyton Manning frustrated and inaccurate, but they just couldn't get the job done up front. The Bills have watched their playoff hopes evaporate along with their loss to the Broncos. It also doesn't help when even the refs are fist bumping touchdowns for the other team.


Miami Dolphins

Record 7-6. And just like that, the Miami Dolphins hopes of getting into the playoffs is destroyed. You just can't put up 13 points at home with the playoffs on the line. Just ask Colin Kaepernick about that. At least you guys lost to a good football team. Chin up.


Cleveland Browns

Record 7-6. The dream season has finally come to end for the Cleveland Browns. It has to be Johnny Manziel time. I say this because you can tell that Brian Hoyer is no longer playing and having fun out there, he's looking over his shoulder. Us Bronco fans saw the same thing with Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow back in the day. It sucks doubly for me because I need Josh Gordon to score some fantasy points, which is unlikely because Johnny Football can't read the back side of an NFL magazine, much less an NFL defense.


Kansas City Chiefs

Record 7-6. The Kansas City Chiefs just can't catch a break as yesterday marked the one-year anniversary since the last time a Chiefs wide receiver caught a touchdown pass. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why the San Francisco 49ers were so eager to go with Colin Kaepernick (lol!) over Alex Smith. It was a choice between which player they thought sucked worse and I think the 49ers lost again on that one.


St. Louis Rams

Record 6-7. So these St. Louis Rams have allowed just seven points in three of their last four games with two consecutive shutouts. I'm really digging their defense and I fully intend to bench Fred Jackson in favor of Tre Mason in my fantasy football playoffs. Two more weeks and I could be hoisting a trophy and a few hundred dollars. Don't let me down!


Minnesota Vikings

Record 6-7. Teddy Bridgewater is for real people and the Minnesota Vikings are winning games without Adrian Peterson. That bodes well for this organization, because if Peterson gets back into the lineup in 2015 he will be playing angry and the Vikings will have a passing game. The NFC North is going to get interesting.


San Francisco 49ers

Record 7-6. LOL.


Carolina Panthers

Record 4-8-1. Another thing I hate is the NFC South. Seriously, can one of you bums stand the hell up and claim the title for worst team ever to make the NFL Playoffs? After this weekend, I guess my money is on the Carolina Panthers. LOL, "my money". I wouldn't even bet the governments money(your money) on any of these crappy ass teams.


New York Giants

Record 4-9. The New York Giants finally woke up again and they really do need to win out if Tom Coughlin is going to be coaching in the NFL next season. They have the offensive talent once Victor Cruz returns next season, but I'll be damned if they don't play up to their talent level most weeks. It's Eli Manning's fault. Bum.


Atlanta Falcons

Record 5-8. The Atlanta Falcons have the toughest final three games of the three horrible NFC South teams left in the hunt. Frankly, at this point, I hope they all lose out or close to it. I'd love to see a 5-win division winner. It would be fitting for how much of an embarrassment this division has been in 2014.


New Orleans Saints

Record 5-8. The New Orleans Saints are a train wreck. They can't even win at home anymore. Drew Brees is not seeing the field at all and that defense is a freaking dumpster fire. Rob Ryan is going to get fired, just like his brother Rex at the end of this season. Maybe they can team up and take over the coaching gig in Washington next season. The Saints get the dumpster fire of the week though. Congratulations!


Chicago Bears

Record 5-8. So I hear the Chicago Bears are finally having buyers remorse over Jay Cutler. Not over the multiple first round draft picks they gave up for him, but the $100 million they now have to pay him for the rest of his career. Allow me to giggle conceitedly over that.


Oakland Raiders

Record 2-11. I think Oakland Raiders fans finally have a valid reason to be hopeful of their teams future as Derek Carr is proving he has legitimate NFL ability. The Raiders haven't won very many games, but have played a good share of teams very hard and very close. Of course, those good games tend to get sandwiched between 52-0 drubbings. So hey, they're still the Raiders.


New York Jets

Record 2-11. Geno Smith played ball! The New York Jets played ball! Yet, they still lost and next week Geno Smith will suck again and the Jets will still lose. The losing starts at the top with their sub-par ownership and one of the worst front offices in the NFL. It's okay though Jets fans, they are keeping both of those and dumping their head coach instead. Good luck with that.


Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Record 2-11. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers played hard all day against the Detroit Lions, but they couldn't must much of anything to keep the game close. This team needs more than just a quarterback, but I doubt they'll listen to me.


Washington Redskins

Record 3-10. Move over Oakland, the Washington Redskins are now the great destroyer of quarterback talent. I sure hope Kirk Cousins gets a fair shake somewhere else next season. Hell, I'd take him just to find out if Brock Osweiler truly is ready to play in this league. Even Jeff Fisher is trolling the Redskins. It's that bad.


Jacksonville Jaguars

Record 2-11. I like Blake Bortles, but he is having a Peyton Manning-like rookie season. For you youngsters, Peyton Manning was horrid in his rookie season. He made Ryan Leaf look good that year. In any case, Bortles will never know if he belongs in the NFL as long as the Jacksonville Jaguars have the crappiest talent in the NFL.


Tennessee Titans

Record 2-11. Whelp, coming in a close second to the Redskins as the great destroyer of quarterback talent, the Tennessee Titans benched Jake Locker to go with Zach Mettenberger only to lose Mettenberger to go back to Locker. This should result in some more losses, because Locker has lost all of his confidence and will likely suck it up big time down the stretch.