What is more pointless than Power Rankings, more full of bull than a feed lot, and a total blast to help get the week to pass by before the first regular season game? Season predictions, of course! This is as Full Bull as I get Broncos Country...nevertheless let's review my past couple of years:
2012 Season: Predicted 13-3
2013 Season: Predicted 14-2
One out of two isn't bad, right?
Let's set some ground rules for this before we delve in.
- This all assumes no major injuries to our players. So if Von or Manning go down for the better part of the season, then we are all off the hook (whoever said I wasn't generous?).
- There are no ties or "push" options. I have to keep some modicum of No Bull dignity. Put on your big-boy underoos, Bronco up, and make a call.
- As long as you are lending a serious opinion (not trolling), you are welcome to provide input if you are a fan of another team. As many of us can attest, some of the best discussions happen between football fans of different teams.
- Don't worry about scores...we like to predict those each week before the game.
Week 1: Colts at Broncos
Indianapolis limps into the season short some serious firepower in their front seven. This means time for Manning and if you give him time, he rips your defense to shreds. The NFL is building this up to be a game of two powerhouses, but I think that story will be put to bed early in this one.
Record: 1 - 0
Week 2: Chiefs at Broncos
There is no fluff schedule or string of first start back-up quarterbacks for KC to stuff their paper tiger team with this year. We get to make sure they know their place in week 2. The Chief fans will have most of two weeks of the 2014 NFL regular season to ponder who their daddy is.
Record: 2- 0
Week 3: Broncos at Seahawks
Here is the game where I would call "push" if I could. The Seahawks have a pretty powerful advantage at home. Now that they have actually tasted some success they have enough rear ends in seats at their stadium to create some pretty overwhelming noise. Their defense is still legit and scary. Their offense is dangerous and is only going to get better. That being said, our team has a lot of pride and has had all off-season to stew over that last meeting.
Record: 3 - 0
Week 4: Bye
Seriously NFL schedule-makers. Pound sand in a very uncomfortable manner.
Week 5: Cardinals at Broncos
The Cardinals have the kind of team that can sneak up on anyone. Their defense has made some serious strides in the past couple of years. That being said, I'm a big unbeliever in Carson Palmer...his elbow is attached by duct tape and bailing wire. With our pass rush he may actually be retiring after this game.
Record: 4 - 0
Week 6: Broncos at Jets
This is just long enough that I fully expect Eric Decker to talk to the Broncos about coming back after the game. He will sorely miss having a QB who can throw the ball with some modicum of accuracy. Chris Johnson will still be underwhelming (especially against this D). Rex Ryan's defensive genius will be apparent to all.
Record: 5 - 0
Week 7: 49ers at Broncos
No one spies running QBs like Von Miller. Kaepernick will look pedestrian. The 9ers D will not be starting on my fantasy team this week.
Record: 6 - 0
Week 8: Chargers at Broncos
Short week? Only legit threat in the division that is likely to have a winning season? No problem at all. We're at home and I look forward to licking the sweet tears of despair from the faces of all Charger fans starting with Phillip Rivers.
Record: 7 - 0
Week 9: Broncos at Patriots
Last year I had to call this game a loss. That's not how it is going down this time though. Tom Brady is on the decline as much as the patsie fans may be in denial. Their defense will probably hold us under 30. But their offense isn't going to score more than 13.
Record: 8 - 0
Week 10: Broncos at Raiders
The Raiders suck. Even with a decent young arm at the helm and hope sparkling in their beady little eyes. This is the Denver Broncos marching into the Black Hole, defying the laws of physics, yanking out the souls of your pathetic excuse for a team, and going back to the land of milk and honey that night so they can celebrate somewhere that doesn't smell like month-long used socks rolled around in excrement.
Record: 9 - 0
Week 11: Broncos at Rams
Two weeks ago I had this penciled in as a loss. Their defense scares me still, but their offense has nothing that worries me.
Record: 10 - 0
Week 12: Dolphins at Broncos
I remember awhile back our team having to go play at Miami in September. Now it is time for the shoe to be on the other foot. Knowshon should get a warm welcome, but will be sent back to Miami wondering what truck just hit him.
Record: 11 - 0
Week 13: Broncos at Chiefs
This is it ladies and gentlemen...the KC Chief Superbowl (but only if they win). The NFL schedule-makers LOVE to see us play at KC in November. That's okay though. The days of their team being close enough strength to worry me are long past. I fear no irrelevant team in November at their house.
Record: 12 - 0
Week 14: Bills at Broncos
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The only threat of our team losing this game is if our whole team top to bottom overlooks the Bills. With preparation done properly we could play the Bills one hundred times and maybe lose one game.
Record: 13 - 0
Week 15: Broncos at Chargers
Here is where we enter dangerous territory. The Chargers will be fighting for a playoff spot in all likelihood. This will be a game that tests our team top to bottom.
Record: 14 - 0
Week 16: Broncos at Bengals
We have CBs that can stay with A.J. Green. We have a pass rush that squash the soulless. We have an unstoppable offense that no matter what you do you will be wrong most of the time.
Week 17: Raiders at Broncos
Brock Osweiler starts this game. The Raiders have a shot at our perfect season...until we drop 14 on them in the first quarter.
Record: 16 - 0
Maybe I've been chugging the Kool-Aid lately. Maybe I've lost it completely. Let me know in the comments...someone please bring me back to the ground and tell me where we are losing a game this year. Otherwise, I'm sticking with my story: the Denver defense is going to make this season mostly a coaster ride for our team. Go Broncos!