The NFL has "zeroed in" on a New England Patriots locker room attendant in its Deflate-gate investigation, according to a report by FOX Sports' Jay Glazer. The attendant has been interviewed; there may be video evidence of him taking the balls; no wrongdoing has been determined yet, but the employee remains a "strong person of interest."
Got it? Good. Rather than jumping to conclusions or rambling upon the logical dominoes that fall into place to punctuate the Patriots' guilt in all this, we'll let the Internet do it for us. In hilarious fashion.
RUH ROH RAGGY— Andrew Garda (@Andrew_Garda) January 26, 2015
Is it possible for the NFL to investigate anything without constantly leaking updates to its favorite reporters?— Aaron Schatz (@FO_ASchatz) January 26, 2015
Oh cool, the NFL is obtaining video evidence. That will lead to swift and unequivocal justice.— Michael Tanier (@MikeTanier) January 26, 2015
So SNL was right? pic.twitter.com/4bhkz8hWce— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) January 26, 2015
"Strong person of interest." Just a reminder that we're talking about the dude who let air out of a football, not the Unabomber.— Patrick Daugherty (@RotoPat) January 26, 2015
NFL has video of their person of interest RE #Deflategate. If it was directed my Michael Bay, the act will include 2.5 hours of explosions.— Josh Kirkendall (@Josh_Kirkendall) January 26, 2015
I hope Ballghazi has three different endings like Clue. The locker room attendant is just the first one. pic.twitter.com/BxozurkhDf— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) January 26, 2015
Now for those logical dominoes...
For the Patriots to blame a change in temperature for 15% lower-pressures, requires balls to be inflated with 125-degree air.— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 26, 2015
Speaking of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, all of this #DeflateGate shit seems really insignificant if you consider the sheer size of the universe— Danny Kelly XLIX (@FieldGulls) January 26, 2015
If the locker room attendant tampered with the footballs ... Yeah, there's no way he was just doing that on his own. #RogueBallBoy— Albert Breer (@AlbertBreer) January 26, 2015
Hate when low-level employees at massively important organizations go Rogue and mess everything up for the big wigs! Ugh!! #RogueBallBoy— Jack Kuhlenschmidt (@Kuhl_Runnings) January 26, 2015
like, if you were a randon ballboy, would you want to incur the WRATH OF SATAN by changing ANYTHING that wasn't explicitly told to you?— Spilly (@IAmSpilly) January 26, 2015