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Horse Tracks: Offseason NFL Power Rankings

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Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

If Peter King can put together garbage power rankings that make no sense, then so can I! Except, I won't pretend to be serious or pretend I know more than anyone else does. All I do know is that King's rankings are a bigger joke than the rankings you are about to read in today's Horse Tracks. Maybe...

Instead of ordering by numbers, I'll just break the league up in neat little categories. We love labels in this country anyway, so let's label them.

Crème de la Crème

These are the teams that I believe will be legitimate Super Bowl contenders. Any team not on this list will be the longest of long shots, because in the NFL there is only parity within the muck in the middle. Like the 1%, these teams just have it all and aren't interested in giving anything back to the unwashed poor.

Denver Broncos. Yep, old Peyton Manning may be losing what little steps he has and his arm may be a little weaker, but the brain is still as sharp as ever and you can guarantee he will adjust to whatever physical impairments he may have to win 13 games again in 2015. The key to the Lombardi Trophy will be Gary Kubiak and the running game, because come January these Broncos will need to be running over opposing defenses for wins.

Green Bay Packers. Aaron Rodgers had no business losing in such a fluky fashion against Seattle last season and these Packers should be just as good, if not better than they were in 2014.

New England Patriots. This will anger people here, but once Tom Brady comes back from suspension he will be in full F.U. mode to the entire NFL and its collective fanbase. The #2 seed will once again be the team we all have come to despise.

Seattle Seahawks. I could not really think of any other NFC team to put up here in this list and as much as I want to fade the Seahawks again in 2015, they are probably still the second best team in their conference. Their fluky ways of winning will eventually catch up to them. I personally hope it starts this season.

Indianapolis Colts. The Colts, in my opinion, do not draft very well or do well enough in free agency to win a Super Bowl. Unless, that is, an other worldly quarterback can will them to a championship like Manning did in 2006 and Andrew Luck will likely have to do at some point in his career. Bad ownership, people. It matters.

Pretenders to the Throne

Dallas Cowboys. Sorry folks, but the offseason Cowboys hype needs to be put to an end here. Just because the Cowboys appear to be above average in talent, doesn't mean they are going to be winning any Super Bowls.

Baltimore Ravens. Losing Gary Kubiak is going to be a blow to this offense and the defense is still young. The AFC North is going to be a battle and I wouldn't sleep on any of those teams in the playoffs.

Cincinnati Bengals. Same as above. Does anyone really think Andy Dalton will be a huge threat come playoff season? I don't.

New Orleans Saints. Drew Brees is a Hall of Fame quarterback, but he seems to have lost something. He has an ability to explode for five touchdown passes at any time, but I'm just not a believer in this team anymore.

Pittsburgh Steelers. I am borderline on the Steelers even belonging in this category. We'll see...

Arizona Cardinals. I was fading the Cardinals all year long in 2014. Why? Because they are the friggin' Cardinals! I've taken my medicine there and will be looking for them to challenge the Seahawks in the NFC West.

Detroit Lions. Having Matthew Stafford means two things. One, you are going to see a ton of yards and touchdowns. Two, you are going to see a ton of interceptions. If he ever gets it together for a season, the Lions could be a very dangerous contender in the NFC.

Muck in the Middle

Rather than go into detail as to why each team is in the muck, I'll just list them out. They really are not worth my time. I'll just bold the teams I think could break through for a playoff spot for a nice one-and-done season.

AFC: Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins, New York Jets, Houston Texans, San Diego Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs

NFC: Philadelphia Eagles, New York Giants, Chicago Bears, Carolina Panthers, Atlanta Falcons, St. Louis Rams

Bottom Feeders

Now we get to the final label. The worst of the worst. The dung heap of the NFL. Legitimate dumpster fires. These teams are so bad that it would take an act of God to produce a playoff berth. Anyone willing to take that bet?

AFC: Cleveland Browns, Tennessee Titans, Jacksonville Jaguars, Oakland Raiders

NFC: Washington Redskins, Minnesota Vikings, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, San Francisco 49ers

Horse Tracks

Demaryius Thomas, Broncos must find middle ground for deal - Denver Post
When wide receiver Eric Decker became a free agent after the 2013 season, the Broncos never made him an offer to stay. The reason was simple: In a sport less sentimental than a photo-radar ticket, the Broncos viewed Decker as a product of the system.

Why Gary Kubiak's offense will struggle | End Zone Score
There is a new sheriff in the Denver Broncos organization and once coupled with Peyton Manning, you have yourself a ‘sheriff-ception’.

BTV minicamp breakdown | DenverBroncos.com
Broncos TV's Chris Hall, Andrew Mason and Phil Milani take a look at who stood out during this week's mandatory minicamp.

6 NFL teams that will ruin your offseason predictions - SBNation.com
The Broncos are still a very talented team and return many of their key performers from last season. However, the major wild card, obviously, is: what version of Peyton Manning will take the field in 2015?

The Biggest Takeaway From Broncos Mini-Camp - Mile High Huddle
The Denver Broncos finished up their three-day mandatory mini-camp yesterday. They have one more session of organized team activities, scheduled to start on Monday, before being cut loose for the next month leading up to training camp.

Changes Likely Coming to Broncos Kicking Units | Predominantly Orange
The Denver Broncos had an odd dilemma in 2014 when kicker Matt Prater was suspended to start the season, and they were forced to look outside the team for kicking help.

Emmanuel Sanders Should Stray Away From Returning Duties | Predominantly Orange
Emmanuel Sanders has been a fan favorite for Broncos Country since his arrival last year.

Brandon Marshall: PFF's Secret Superstar - Mile High Huddle
Last season, it was defensive lineman Malik Jackson. This year, linebacker Brandon Marshall has been singled out by Pro Football Focus as the Denver Broncos “Secret Superstar”.

What Can Shane Ray do For the Denver Broncos in 2015? | With The First Pick
The Denver Broncos traded up in the first round of the draft to get outside linebacker Shane Ray. Like all first-rounders, Ray wants to make an immediate impact but he’s behind the eightball.

Bryant considering missing Cowboys' opener if no deal is signed | Denver Post
Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant is “contemplating not reporting” to the team’s first regular-season game if the sides cannot agree on a long-term deal by the July 15 deadline, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported Friday.

This is how the Patriots dynasty will crumble - SBNation.com
If DeflateGate signaled the Patriots' end of days, this is what the dynasty's death throes might look like.