The Broncos enter the 2016 NFL Draft with 10, count them, 10 draft picks. Will they finish the NFL draft having selected 10 people? Probably not. Actually, I can almost guarantee they won't. If anyone thinks they won't make a single trade, you're kidding yourself. But I digress, that isn't the purpose of these mock drafts, now is it?
What is the purpose of mock drafts you ask? Simple: It's to annoy the crap out of you, me, and the world. Yes, mock drafts are about the most absurd thing on this planet. If you get 2 out of these 10 correct, you're probably a genius. So why bother? Again, it's because it's March and April in the NFL. The sexy free agents are gone, and no team activities are taking place. So what the heck else are we going to talk about? The NFL demands that we pay attention to them all 366 days this year (leap year), so that's what we will do.
Now, on to my mockery...err, I mean mock draft for YOUR WORLD CHAMPION DENVER BRONCOS!!!
First Round (#31) - Emmanuel Ogbah, DE - Oklahoma State
This is my first ever mock, so I have no history on being high on anyone, or wanting anyone, or anything of the sort.
Why do I want Ogbah? Because the dude is from Nigeria, and if I know one thing, Nigerians can play football as long as they aren't squaring off against Steve Atwater. Don't worry Ogbah, he's on your side, he won't end your career like the last Nigerian he squared off against.
Second Round (#63) - Joshua Garnett, G - Stanford
Simply put, this dude is so tough and strong that you can forget about the old adage "you don't want to meet him in a phone booth" garbage. This dude will straight up knock on your door and punch you in the face in front of your wife and kids. That's how bad this guy is. I want guys like that on my line, and so too does CJ Anderson. #CJ2K shall live again, but this time in Denver baby!
Third Round (#94) - Cardale Jones, QB - Ohio State
I've been high as the Colorado general public on Cardale Jones since he played that one game last year and won the championship. Vague enough, right? Well, this dude has upside. This dude has desire. I love him, and he's the perfect fit for a Kubiak offense. He doesn't have to make any audibles and can simply run the play that is called. This is a dream offense for a rookie QB to start in. If we learned anything last year, its that we don't need great QB play. Hell, we don't even need decent QB play. One might say we only need "bottom of the barrel" QB play, and I'm confident that Cardale can be at least serviceable, which is a definite upgrade to last year's offense, which will be needed seeing our defense might, I'm not saying they will, but they might take a small, teeny tiny step back to earth. #CJ4K shall be his hash tag, and I'll tattoo it on Brock's ass if I have to!
Third Round (#98) - Nick Vannett, TE - Ohio State
Why? Because we just drafted Cardale freaking Jones baby! I want continuity from our QB and TE combo. Add to that Todd Heuerman (from Ohio State), and we have instant QB to TE chemistry. And we all know Gary loves him 2 TE sets.
Fourth Round (#136) - Glenn Gronkowski, FB - Kansas State
Kubiak has stated over and over again that he wants a FB, and everyone is enamored with the last name Gronkowski. Put 2 and 2 together, and you get our starting fullback for the 2016 season. Plus, it gives Chris Harris Jr. and Aquib Talib extra fun by picking on K-State players. Rock Chalk Jayhawk baby!
Fifth Round (#144) - Willie Beavers, OT - Western Michigan
This is my pick because a) we need linemen who can work both sides or at a minimum, pinch hit for when someone gets hurt (it'll happen), and b) the comedy value of his last name just can't be overlooked. "Beaver gave up the inside hole" and "they just shaved Beaver as part of hazing" just has "what will Pete write about next" written all over it. I promise to keep it as PG-13 as I can if we draft this guy, but the comedic gold that Beaver offers is just too tasty for me to pass up (see what I did there too?) I know, I just can't help myself sometimes.
Sixth Round (#219) - Nick Kwiatkoski, ILB - West Virginia
#PolishPower baby! We need a Trevathan replacement, and although I'm not sure this guy is that player, I have full confidence that he can be coached up to be that player. Plus he's Polish and I'm half Polish (no surprise, right?), so how can I not root for my boy Nick?
Seventh Round (#228) - Antwaun Woods, DT - Southern California
He reminds me of Derek Wolfe, and I'll take that any day of the week. Strong, high motor, run stuffer, and demands double teams when rushing the passer. Check, check and check. Sign me up. Go get him Elway.
Seventh Round (#235) - Tre Madden, RB - Southern California
Tre is everything we want in a 7th round pick: A heartbeat. Look, it's the 7th round. All the good stuff is gone. This is the garage sale territory. There is no good stuff left or else you wouldn't be shopping for things that are half a penny on the dollar with huge question marks about durability and if you should be touching it, let alone buying it.
Seventh Round (#253) - Derrick Kindred, S - TCU
Dude is tough as nails. He played with a broken collarbone. Say that again, he played safety, hard hitting thumper, with a broken freaking collarbone. What more do you need out of Mr. Irrelevant? You want someone who can start? Guess what? That isn't happening with the last pick in the draft. 75 Mr. Irrelevant have been drafted, and none have done much of anything. So screw it, draft this kid. Maybe he can tear someone's head off during a punt return.
There you have it folks. How do you like my MOCKery of the MOCKdraft? I think I hit some high notes and some "who cares" notes. But remember, when you're turning over rocks, you're more likely to find a snail than a truffle. Now relax and have fun. What else are we going to do this time of the year? Spend time with family and friends? Yeah, right!