2017 NFL Picks: Week 4

My goodness last week was brutal. Game after game we watched a far superior team get beat, sometimes in humiliating fashion (looking at you Pittsburgh and Miami). We saw teams that should have cruised on home to victory barely squeak out a victory over horrible teams such as the Patriots, the Rams, and the Eagles). But hey, at least we got to see the Raiders get curb stomped by the Redskins, so there was some silver linings even though that game lowered my winning percentage. Then again, that’s what I get for actually picking the Raiders to win a game. I should have known better!

Here’s where we stand after the NFL’s version of The Twilight Zone.

Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 31-16

Chicago Bears (1-2) at Green Bay Packers (2-1) NFLN/CBS 6:25pm TNF
Before last week, I would have laughed at the possibility of the Bears beating the Packers, let alone the Packers in Green Bay. But then they took it to Pittsburgh and won. Not only that, but the Packers, at home no less, allowed the Bengals to actually score touchdown after touchdown for the first time this season, and barely eeked out a victory. And I haven’t even mentioned that this is a divisional game, so what should happen isn’t necessarily what will happen. PREDICTION: Bears 20, Packers 24

New Orleans Saints (1-2) at Miami Dolphins (1-1) FOX 7:30am LONDON
Dangit, I almost picked the Saints because I knew one of these weeks their offense would come alive. I just wasn’t prepared to commit to it coming alive against the Panthers in North Carolina! It looks like my professors were right all along; You usually change your answer on the test from the right answer to the wrong answer. So stop doing that. Thanks Mr. Sheehan. And Miami... how dare you! How dare you lose to the Jets! Websters Dictionary has a definition for worthless, but I can’t take it seriously anymore because it didn’t say “See Miami Dolphins”... So much for trusting dictionaries. PREDICTION: Saints 31, Dolphins 24

Tennessee Titans (2-1) at Houston Texans (1-2) CBS 11:00am
Go Titans go! I only know a few people who rooted for them more than me Sunday. Well, maybe they rooted for them more than me Sunday, I wasn’t there to witness this or give high fives, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Thank you Titans for roughing up Seattle. And do you know what? Houston might not be the bottom feeders I thought they would be with a rookie QB. Sure they lost, but damn, they almost didn’t. Things are trending up for them, and it makes this game way more interesting. **I want to give a special shout out to Deshaun Watson. What you did, is truly heroic. And I know a thing or two about giving behind the scenes with everything you have and not wanting anything but their happiness in return.** PREDICTION: Titans 20, Texans 16

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) at New York Jets (1-2) CBS 11:00am
I honestly feel like flipping another coin on another game. It worked last week with Atlanta, so maybe, just maybe it’ll work again, right? Nah, I gotta believe the Jets are the embodiment of “Even the sun shines on a dog’s ass every once in a while!” and this victory they had last week is a one off and likely won’t happen again. I think if I were to pick against the Jets, regardless of matchup every week, I’ll finish 15-1 or 14-2, and do you know what? Without mentioning Jacksonville at all, I’ll take those odds. PREDICTION: Jaguars 24, Jets 10

Carolina Panthers (2-1) at New England Patriots (2-1) FOX 11:00am
Here’s the issue I have with this game: The Panthers obviously couldn’t score of that juggernaut defense known as New Orleans (you can cut the sarcasm with a knife up in here), and the Patriots didn’t just struggle, they flat out couldn’t stop a rookie QB in Deshaun Watson, so how in the hell will they stop Cam Newton? Oh yeah, cause Cam is a mental midget, I forgot. PREDICTION: Panthers 27, Patriots 28

Detroit Lions (2-1) at Minnesota Vikings (2-1) FOX 11:00am
This game should be pretty good. High Powered Detroit coming into Minnesota who is somehow making Case Keenum look like an All-Pro. Do the Lions have a really good offense? Yes. But apparently so does the Vikings, plus Minnesota has a better defense, and they’re at home. PREDICTION: Lions 27, Vikings 31

Buffalo Bills (2-1) at Atlanta Falcons (3-0) CBS 11:00am
Screw you Bills. Your “city” sucks, your winning tradition is non-existent, and you throw celebration parties when your teams fail in the championship games (Super Bowls, Stanley Cups, etc). And one more time, you suck! PREDICTION: Bills 6, Falcons infinity

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1) at Baltimore Ravens (2-1) CBS 11:00am
How do I take either of these teams seriously anymore? How? The Steelers haven’t looked like themselves all year (I know, only 3 games in) and just lost to the lowly Bears. The Ravens have statistically a Top 5 defense, yet let the Jags hang 44 on them. Yes, this is a divisional game, and yes, these teams hate each other. But who in the world wins? PREDICTION: Steelers 17, Ravens 19

Cincinnati Bengals (0-3) at Cleveland Browns (0-3) CBS 11:00am
Kizer vs Dalton, Bengals vs Browns. Ugh, does someone have a clothespin I can stick on my nose? Because this game stinks! Both of these teams are as likely to throw up 0-3 points as they are to throw up 20+. Which team embarrasses themselves less? Or should I change my mindset to “which of these teams will embarrass themselves more?” Yes, I like that one better because it’s more dramatic! Plus, someone has to finally win, right? Or do they? hmmm... PREDICTION: Bengals 13, Browns 12

Los Angeles Rams (2-1) at Dallas Cowboys (2-1) FOX 11:00am
I swear to.... I swear Rams, you guys mystify me! How do you let the 49ers take you to the brink? And Dallas, you guys are the biggest paper champions we’ve had in the last decade! Please, please Los Angeles Rams pull this game out. PLEASE. So we can shut the smug Cowboys fans up. PREDICTION: Rams 30, Cowboys 27

Philadelphia Eagles (2-1) at Los Angeles Chargers (0-3) FOX 2:05pm
And the Chargers keep failing. Same Chargers, different location. And the world keeps on spinning. Remember last week when I said the Eagles were way better yet I still had the Giants scoring more than 20 and caught grief? Umm.. line it up folks, I’m here to accept apologies AAAAALLLLLLLL day! Divisional games, like I’ve said above, are just a different animal. They just are! Thankfully, this is no divisional game, and we’re talking about the Chargers! But surely they’ll win one eventually, right? PREDICTION: Eagles 27, Chargers 24

New York Giants (0-3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) FOX 2:05pm
News Flash: The Giants still lost, and so did the Bucs. Oh, that’s not Breaking News huh? True... We all kinda saw this coming, right? Moving on, this game has me feeling kinda flat. As in, “who cares” type of flat, not the Tom Brady kind of deflated. Who wins? Who cares! I guess I do for these picks, aka, my professional pride. PREDICTION: Giants 17, Buccaneers 20

San Francisco 49ers (0-3) at Arizona Cardinals (1-2) FOX 2:05pm
Is that Greeley I’m smelling? Nope, it’s this game!Dear Lord this is another stinker. Apparently the 9ers can score, and apparently the Cardinals can not completely embarrass themselves. Damn, which of these two are the safest pick? PREDICTIONS: 49ers 13, Cardinals 16

Oakland Raiders (2-1) at Denver Broncos (2-1) CBS 2:25pm
Once again, I turn for help in picking this game, not because I wouldn’t pick the Broncos, but because this is some serious stuff here, and I want another set of eyes from my most trusted of sources.

“Ok so Broncos VS Raiders…the Hated Rivals of the AFC WEST

Now, first and foremost…I will never ever EVER choose the Raiders over my Broncos…EVER!

Ok so, both teams are entering this week with losses from last week. Although our loss was a frustrating disappointment, the loss between Oakland and Washington was humiliating for Oakland. I mean, Washington sure isn’t known for the most “Powerful Front Seven”, yet against Carr and Oakland’s offense you would have thought otherwise! They put so much pressure on Carr it was comical to watch. This included 2 interceptions and four sacks! What I find funny is Carr is said to be “The Next Great QB.” Haha not with that performance.

Now for Denver, Siemian had a poor performance last Sunday as well, also throwing 2 interceptions, and NO TD’s were actually “thrown” against Buffalo ☹ But I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it…Siemian surely does better at home. If Carr was so used up by the Washington D, he is in for it when it comes to Denver D as we are far more intimidating (Coming in at 3rd in the NFL – same for our Offense). I predict AT LEAST 5 sacks on Carr!! Haha. Yeah, Oakland has become a better team right when I was questioning if they were even still relevant. But are they ready for the Broncos? I DON’T THINK SO. Eh, but that can be just me…because I ❤ the Broncos and I will chose them above any other team…Broncos are a tough team to beat and I surely think they will dominate here in the Mile High City this Sunday!”

And who am I to disagree? PREDICTION: Broncos 34, Raiders 20

Indianapolis Colts (1-2) at Seattle Seahawks (1-2) NBC 6:30pm SNF
Oh how I love the salty tears of Seahawk fans! I swear, if they aren’t bitching and complaining, they aren’t happy. So thanks to the Titans, their fans must be VERY HAPPY! Bwahahaha My goodness I hope the Colts hang up some points on you! Sadly, they won’t. Even though I hope the Seahawks lose, I trust them more than the Colts. PREDICTIONS: Colts 9, Seahawks 17

Washington Redskins (2-1) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) ESPN 6:30 MNF
As much as it pains me to say this, the Chiefs might be the best team outside of Denver in the NFL.. ok ok ok, maybe in the entire NFL if I’m in a severe accident and lose ³⁄₄ of my frontal lobe. Huge props to the Redskins for beating the Raiders, but that won’t be nearly enough to walk into Kansas City and beat the Chiefs. PREDICTION: Redskins 16, Chiefs 24