NFL picks for Week 16 games - Can the Broncos beat the Raiders?

The good news is that the Broncos can’t catch the Raiders for bottom of the barrel in the AFC West. The bad news is that the Broncos can’t catch the Raiders for the bottom of the barrel and thus get a Top 5 draft pick. Thanks for nothing! I wish we got a little bit of a reward for all this suffering.

The Broncos are a dumpster fire and an embarrassment right now. And anyone who claims otherwise is simply refusing to face the harsh truth of reality. Take your orange-colored glasses off for a second and take a good look at this team. If you were a fan of any other team in the NFL, you’d be laughing at the ineptitude of the Broncos and the complete laughing stock this once proud franchise has become. The only reason you’ll disagree is because you’re a fan (as am I). But that’s all you’ve got, and that is NOT a valid argument against it.

I know, “cut to the chase Pete”... well, hold on. I’m not there yet. For everyone who says we are three plays away from being a 9-win team, I retort with “we’re also a few plays away from being a one-win team.”

Guess what? We ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH to make those three or four plays to win games. We aren’t. So no, we aren’t three plays away because we couldn’t make those three plays away. That’s like me saying “I’m only 6 inches away from being Dwayne Johnson!” guess what? I’m not him! I got over it, so should you! I’ll never grow taller, and we’ll never have those “coulda/ woulda/ shoulda” plays.

To Elway: Don’t hire a crappy re-tread of a head coach unless his name is Mike Shanahan. If you hire an offensive-minded head coach from college, make sure to draft his quarterback and hire his staff so that he’s set up for success at the next level. And if that doesn’t work, then hire an offensive coordinator to be our coach. And no, I don’t want Eric Bieniemy. He’s not the architect behind the Chiefs offense. He needs to prove he can do more than stand next to the real mastermind of that offense before I trust him with a team. The same goes for Peter Carmichael in New Orleans. You’re a glorified water boy to make sure Sean Payton stays hydrated much like Bieniemy is a glorified sandwich boy to make sure Andy Reid’s blood sugar doesn’t get below 20,000. Get an offensive coordinator who is the actual architect of an offense.

To those who want Herbert, Lock, or Haskins...NO! Stay away! Stay FAR AWAY! There is exactly one quarterback outside of the “Tom Brady was a 6th-round pick” complete lucky quarterback who’s worth drafting, and his name is Kyler Murray. But you’ll have to basically waste a draft pick for him as he’s going to play baseball. I THINK you get that draft pick back if he doesn’t go to the NFL, but it wouldn’t be until the next year. So SKIP the quarterback high in this draft. Draft yourself a Day 2 or Day 3 quarterback. The 2020 draft is the draft for a QB (like this draft was). And hey, if you’re stupid enough to want a first-round quarterback this year, then use your first round pick on Murray, because if you do get it back next year, then BAM, you have 2 first round draft picks. Lump them together and get Tua! Problem solved! But I swear, taking Haskins or Herbert this year or any Day 1 QB is as big of a mistake as taking Paxton Lynch. Only a true masochist would want that for our team. Don’t be that person!

On to the picks.

Last Week: 10-6
Overall: 139-82-2

Washington Redskins (7-7) at Tennessee Titans (8-6) 2:30 p.m. NFLN SATURDAY
This Saturday game is the NFL’s version of the Thursday Night game. You know, a stinker. I’m not even sure this looked good in the offseason when they decided who plays when. Anyways, both of these teams are basically “meh,” and it’ll be one of those games that are so compelling that you find yourself passed out on the couch with chip crumbs lying on your chest. Just make sure to wake up for the second game on Saturday. Prediction: Redskins 13, Titans 17

Baltimore Ravens (8-6) at Los Angeles Chargers (11-3) 6:20 p.m. NFLN SATURDAY
Both of these teams have something to play for. The Chargers are playing for the potential #1 seed, and the Ravens are playing for the potential home game in the playoffs. Who do you trust more? Philip Rivers against the Raven’s defense? Or Lamar Jackson against the Chargers’ defense? Prediction: Ravens 23, Chargers 24

New York Giants (5-9) at Indianapolis Colts (8-6) 11 a.m. CBS
Coming off a shutout should have the Giants seething and ready to play, which again, will help the Broncos out in draft position. But the Colts are also coming off of a shutout. But they were the one shutting the Cowboys out. If Andrew Luck doesn’t win Comeback Player of the Year, it’s a rigged system. Well, it already is, but it’ll make it even more apparent. Prediction: Giants 17, Colts 27

Jacksonville Jaguars (4-10) at Miami Dolphins (7-7) 11 a.m. CBS
If the Giants win out and the Broncos lose out (Prediction: one of them will happen), then the Broncos move up the draft. So fingers crossed the Jags win. But they suck something fierce. Then again, the Dolphins aren’t exactly world beaters, but hey, I can’t talk much smack seeing my team (Broncos) are dead last in my Power Rankings. Prediction: Jaguars 13, Dolphins 16

Atlanta Falcons (5-9) at Carolina Panthers (6-8) 11 a.m. FOX
I’ve crunched the numbers on this game. The Falcons hate to actually win, and the Panthers are incapable of winning. They both lose a lot as well. When you carry the 7 and divide by the specific gravity or air between Ron Rivera’s ears when he tries to lead the team, and multiply by the “resting stupid face” that Matt Ryan has, you get the only logical outcome. Cam Newton is shutting it down. Kidding, the logical outcome is Prediction: Falcons 17, Panthers 10

Cincinnati Bengals (6-8) at Cleveland Browns (6-7-1) 11 a.m. CBS
The Browns are soaring high post Hue Jackson firing, and they don’t look like they’re slowing down. However, this is a divisional game, so anything can go down, like your... Bengals if you’re a Bengal fan. I swear that wasn’t censored. Prediction: Bengals 16, Browns 20

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-9) at Dallas Cowboys (8-6) 11 a.m. FOX
We need the Bucs to win. But the Cowboys are surely pissed and don’t want to let this rare playoff position slip through their delicate flower fingers. Prediction: Bucs 23, Cowboys 27

Minnesota Vikings (7-6-1) at Detroit Lions (5-9) 11 a.m. FOX
Well, the Vikings win this game. They play a team with a losing record, so this is virtually automatic. Prediction: Vikings 27, Lions 20

Buffalo Bills (5-9) at New England Patriots (9-5) 11 a.m. CBS
The Patriots haven’t lost back to back December games since 2002. Will they make it three in a row? The Bills want to say yes, the Broncos fans want to say yes (helps with our draft positioning), but ultimately this is played in Foxboro, which is worth a 17th 10+ win season in the Brady/Belichick era. Prediction: Bills 15, Patriots 32

Green Bay Packers (5-8-1) at New York Jets (4-10) 11 a.m. FOX
This game should be a laugher with Green Bay winning by like, 50, but the Packers kinda suck. Looks like firing McCarthy might not have been the answer. But it’s the Jets, and the Jets will do Jet things, like lose. Prediction: Packers 20, Jets 17

Houston Texans (10-4) at Philadelphia Eagles (7-7) 11 a.m. CBS
December in Philly. Hell, a few days before Christmas in Philly. Over/Under how many battery packed snowballs get thrown at the Texans? I’m setting it at 45, which is almost the combined score of this game. Prediction: Texans 23, Eagles 20

Los Angeles Rams (11-3) at Arizona Cardinals (3-11) 2:05 p.m. FOX
I know this is a divisional game, but if this isn’t a 30-point victory by the Rams, they’re in serious trouble come January. Prediction: Rams 42, Cardinals 10

Chicago Bears (10-4) at San Francisco 49ers (4-10) 2:05 p.m.
Maybe it’s because I’m slamming Captain Morgan right now (I’m not), but I’m about to sound like a freaking parrot (you know, pirates have parrots) because I’m about to repeat myself on the Rams game. But if the Bears don’t win by 20, they’re a joke and need to just stay home come playoff time. Prediction: Bears 33, Niners 9

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-5-1) at New Orleans Saints (12-2) 2:25 p.m.
Who They Say Gonna Beat Dem Saints? Not the Steelers. Not at home. Not in the dome. Prediction: Steelers 27, Saints 33

Kansas City Chiefs (11-3) at Seattle Seahawks (8-6) 6:20 p.m. NBC SNF
Patrick Mahomes is the NFL version of Serral, my favorite Starcraft player. Yes, I’m speaking English, I swear! Anyway, its time to cement his MVP legitimacy by marching into Seattle with a banged up supporting cast and shutting that annoying franchise and its head coach up. Or the Chiefs can lose yet again and prove that history does repeat itself as the playoffs (i.e. death row for Kansas City) loom near. Prediction: Chiefs 34, Seahawks 33

Denver Broncos (6-8) at Oakland Raiders (3-11) 6:15 p.m. ESPN MNF
Oh yeah, there’s a game to be played in Oakland, right? Let’s get to that. This is likely the Raiders last home game in their stadium. That means something. The Broncos have given up on the season and their coach, and that means something too. If the Broncos only lose by 10 points, I’m going to be impressed. Yes Santa Clause, there is a Hell, and the Broncos are living in it. Prediction: Broncos 17, Raiders 24