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NFL Power Rankings: Week 17

Christmas Day Edition.

Super Bowl XLIX - New England Patriots v Seattle Seahawks Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hope you all have a safe and wonderful day. What will I be doing? You mean besides writing up some Power Rankings? You know, the usual: Driving 2 12 hours south to crappy ass Penrose to visit the family. Booking another vacation because why not? Keeping the TV on in the background to trick my mind that I’m not all alone. You know, the usual.

On a serious note, the season is all but wrapped up and I’m not sure if this will be the last Power Ranking of the year or not as after this week, some teams will be resting starters while some teams will be depending on others to seal their playoff fate. After this week’s games, you can basically just go up and down the standings to get the true rankings of teams. Besides, only 12 teams can play anyways, so there isn’t much reason to rank all 32, right?

Have a safe and happy holidays everyone. If you’re in one of the following cities between now and end of January, hit me up, I might be in a city near you: Los Angeles, New Orleans (for their Divisional game), Miami, Washington DC, and Denver naturally. I’ll be in Portland area likely February or March. Yes, Pete loves to take long weekend vacations. What the hell else am I gonna do with my time? Pretend I know all 10,000 college kids declaring for the draft?

1. New Orleans Saints:

The NFC playoffs roll through New Orleans, and so too shall I. Yep, Jan 11 - 15th I’ll be in town. I don’t think they’ve lost all year when I’ve been there, and I don’t anticipate that changing anytime soon. Unlike the Broncos, the Saints actually win when I’m there. Then again, they don’t have a worthless head coach, so... there is that.

2. Los Angeles Rams:

The Rams are on shaky ground, but so too are all the teams heading into the playoffs. I’m not sure if the Rams will be one and done, or blaze through the playoffs, destroying every team that faces them. They look fragile, but something inside of me says they can turn it on in an instant.

3. Baltimore Ravens:

I’m not sure how good the Ravens are, but they’re suddenly looking like the most complete team in the AFC.

4. Seattle Seahawks:

Like the Ravens, I’m not sure how good the Seahawks are, and I know they dropped a game a few weeks ago, but this team has some grit and resolve to them. They’re getting pretty scary all of a sudden.

5. Los Angeles Chargers:

Yes, they lost to the Ravens, but they still have a shot at the #1 seed with the Chiefs pulling a Chiefs and losing in December (and likely January it looks).

6. Chicago Bears:

They’re still winning, but I’d like for them to look more well rounded against lesser competition. Still, January in Chicago will not be a fun place to play if you’re Seattle and/or Minnesota or whoever else might be passing through.

7. Dallas Cowboys:

They wrapped up their division for the first time in how many generations? Kidding kidding. Lets see if they can win a playoff game before we go crowning them anything.

8. Kansas City Chiefs:

Oh how the once mighty have fallen. I just don’t get it KC. I thought this was the year you didn’t pull the usual tank job in December and then January. Sure, January has yet to happen, but damn! You do realize that in order to stop getting the history thrown in your face like a drink after using a lame pick up line, you gotta actually do something to change it, right?

9. Houston Texans:

As is the theme of these Power Rankings, all the teams are flawed. Demaryius Thomas is gone with an Achilles, and that is a big loss for a team that already has too many injuries at the Wide Receiver position. Still, you have DeShaun Watson, and he can heal a lot of wounds.

10. Indianapolis Colts:

I wish I could put them higher, but they had to rally to beat the Giants at home!

11. New England Patriots:

Look, the Patriots are always a tough out in the Playoffs, but if I’m heading into Foxboro (they might end up the #2 seed), I’m not exactly dreading playing them. They have “one and done” written all over themselves.

12. Pittsburgh Steelers:

The Steelers have fallen from the #2 seed and a first round bye, to out of the playoffs without a miracle of miracles. I believe the Browns have to beat the Ravens AND Indy needs to tie with the Titans. I mean, the first one is possible, but rooting for a tie? That’s just absurd. On the flip side, I sure would love Mike Tomlin in Broncos gear roaming the sideline on game days!

13. Cleveland Browns:

What more can be said about Baker Mayfield? He has the Browns winning again. There’s entire generations of Browns fans that haven’t seen this happen yet.

14. Minnesota Vikings:

Again, they can beat teams with losing records, and the next up is the Bears, which according to my eyeballs and the fact that existence exists, aren’t a sub .500 team. Chalk this up as a good ol defeat. Will this eliminate this pretender of a quarterback from playoff contention yet?

15. Philadelphia Eagles:

Foles got dinged up, just like The Dude’s car. How bad is it? And will he be ready next week?

16. Tennessee Titans:

Technically the Titans are still alive. I’m not sure if they need help even if they beat the Colts, but the fact that the aren’t in means they aren’t in the Top 12.

17. Green Bay Packers:

Well, their offense finally started clicking, but when you realize it was against the Jets and that the Jets gave them all they could handle, well, you just end up finding yourself ranked 17.

18. Atlanta Falcons:

You don’t get much love when you beat a team that shut down their QB for the year. The Falcons are the bridesmaid, not the bride.

19. Jacksonville Jaguars:

They finally won, but it was against that pretender ass team called the Dolphins. Miami is fools gold, just like a Broncos win against the Raiders.

20. Miami Dolphins:

When I look at the Dolphins, all I can think about is that damn Cyndi Lauper song “True Colors”... just without all the lovey dovey nonsense.

21. New York Giants:

Even in defeat, this team is showing that they can get it done every once in a while. I just don’t get it. Are they really a young QB away? Are they a crap team that gets lucky? Are they a good team that just plays bad?

22. New York Jets:

Holy Sam Darnold, where did that come from?

23. Detroit Lions:

You got waxed by Kirk (don’t call him Kurt) Cousins. At home!

24. Washington Redskins:

I’m amazed they are as competitive as they are with who they keep trotting out on the field week after week. I’d say it’s possible good coaching, but I’m a Broncos fan, so I wouldn’t know what that looks like anymore!

25. Carolina Panthers:

Congratulations Colorado’s own Christian McCaffrey for setting the all time RB catch record with a game to go.

26. Cincinnati Bengals:

Typically losing to the Browns would be cause for a punchline to a joke, but not this year, and probably not for many years to come.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

You gave Dallas a run for their money. I wish you won, because the Broncos need to move on up that draft order.

28. Buffalo Bills:

Eh, you win some and you lose some. You have a few decent pieces to build around, but I’m not sure you’ll be a serious team for a few more years. Although, I hear you have a lot of cap room, which can be the great equalizer.

29. San Francisco 49ers:

Week after week I’m stunned at how competitive the Niners are. Again, this is what amazing coaching can do for a team. Do you think Elway wishes he had that decision to make all over again?

30. Oakland Raiders:

Farewell Jokeland. Thanks for messing up so bad that you gave us better draft position and you worse. We can always count on you for doing the absolute dumbest thing for your franchise. And beating the Broncos ranks right up there.

31. Arizona Cardinals:

Where are all the “Elway should have taken Rosen” fans now? Speak up!

32. Denver Broncos:

2 minutes to go... at the 5 yard line. A chance to go up by 20. So what does Oakland do? Do they just go up by 20 with a touchdown? Oh hell no! They “Mercy Rule” us because we’re so pathetic that in a messed up way, kneeling at the 5 yard line is an even bigger slap in the face of this “we are the New Raiders... we are the New Browns... we are the New Lions” franchise. Pathetic Denver, Pathetic. I know I said you’d lose in multiple articles this week, but you straight got chumped. When the Raiders feel so sorry for you that they just kneel? Yeah, you’ve hit rock bottom. Welcome to the laughing stock of the NFL.