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How this Broncos team (and writer) stole a Christmas win from the Chiefs

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An ode to the Grinch.

Kansas City Chiefs v Denver Broncos Photo by Justin Edmonds/Getty Images

Happy holidays, Broncos Country!

If you happen to feel a little grouchy about this Broncos team, I have a treat for you - a special Broncos adaptation for Dr. Seuss’ brilliant Christmas story, "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." To get the full effect - or if you don’t have young kids - you may want to review those lyrics first.

Every fan down in Broncos Country liked Christmas a lot.
But the Grinch – who lived just East of there – really did not!

This Grinch used to love Christmas – just not this season
Don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be, perhaps, where she lives there’s no snow.
But it’s likely because her Broncos are not 14-0.

Maybe it’s because her team has no O-line.
Or that the QB thinks everything will be just fine.

Perhaps the reason for this particularly bad mood,
Is the offensive coordinator is not a smart dude.

But maybe the reason, as her team goes into Arrowhead,
Is the lack of a run game - not even a shred!

Staring at the standings with a big grinchy frown,
She’s not even sure they can score a touchdown.

But she knew every Bronco hanging out in Dove Valley,
Was busy reading the playbook and trying to get ready.

Then she started thinking, "What will I do?"
"With two rivals left, what if my team goes 0-2?"

Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously typing,
"Even our own defense is angry and griping!"

"On Christmas they’ll play with such reckless abandon,
Until our QB throws that first interception."

And then! Oh, the noise at Arrowhead. Oh the Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Those Chiefs fans will shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their wheels.
They'll dance with jingtinglers tied onto their heels.
They'll blow their floofloovers. They'll bang their tartookas.
They'll whap their whohoopers. They'll bash their gardookas.
They'll spin their trumtookas. They'll slam their slooslunkas.
They'll beat their blumbloopas. They'll wham their whowonkas.

But THEN! Oh, the Broncos defense will sit down and feast.
They’ll take out Smith, Ware, Maclin, Kelce, Tyreek…

And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They'll feast on Maclin pudding, and savory Kelce treats.
They’ll grab Tyreek Hill and drag him down by his feet.

And then the defense will do what it really does best.
It will sack the QB and lay him to rest.

Derek Wolfe will howl and Von Miller will dance.
And suddenly Arrowhead will be in a trance.

As they watch Miller dance!
And DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

So the more the Grinch thought of this Broncos-Chiefs game,
The more she thought, "Oh, offense, don’t ruin this thing!"

"Why, for 14 games I've put up with it now.
I must stop the offense from failing, must stop it! But how?"

Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in her throat.
I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."

And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great grinchy trick!
With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

So on the night before Christmas, and all dressed in her suit,
The Grinch grabbed the playbook and drew up some jukes.

She added several bootlegs, and toss sweeps no doubt.
Threw in a flea flicker (why not?), fake punt and crossing routes.

Forsett was listed as the unequivocal starter,
More running plays were added – and these were much smarter.

"No way this offense fails!" she was grinchily humming.
"And the Chiefs will have no idea what is coming!"

They’ll be thinking, "Oh, it’s Siemian, he’ll definitely pass.
So we’ll double cover the left side and sprint down the grass."
But with these new plays, the Broncos will RUN - to the left, to the right and right up their a**

"Ah, that’s a scene," grinned the Grinch, "that I simply must see!"
She paused, and then she got down on her knees.

And she said a little prayer to the heavens above,
"Please football gods, show my Broncos some love."

So game time arrived, and the coin was flipped.
Broncos got the ball, and the Grinch bit her lip.

But wait! This offense wasn’t too bad.
Why, this offense was making her glad.

Every lineman was blocking, and Forsett got the ball.
He was running and juking like it was protocol.

The Grinch didn’t need to fret and worry so much.
In fact, that’s "just lack of imagination" and such.

So the Grinch, with her grinch feet dancing up a storm,
Stood in front of the TV hoping AP was a sh*tstorm.

Oh, what a Christmas this turned out to be.
Broncos are winning, and the Chiefs are panicky.

But then the Grinch thought, "What if Broncos can’t do this?"
And it occurred to her, such thinking was ludicrous.

Of course they can win, though it will be quite a battle.
So get behind this team, and quit getting rattled.

Maybe football, she thought, doesn't require such uproar.
Maybe this game – and this team – mean a little bit more.

And what happened then? Well, in Broncos Country they say
That the Grinch's Orange&Blue heart grew seven sizes that day!

And the true meaning of fandom came rolling right through,
And the Grinch found the strength of four linebackers, plus two!

And now that her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
She cheered and she cheered without so much fright.

Because this is her team, no matter the outcome.
Come hell or high water (or Talib with a shotgun).

The AFC West is still in our grasp.
It’s not a sure thing and will be quite a task.

But this is Broncos football – always quite a ride.
Postseason or no, there’s never a downside.

They will make some great catches and get sacks galore.
A few pick sixes usually evens the score.

And if there’s a season that doesn’t end just right.
We pull out a Super Bowl 32 DVD and call it a night.

Because this is Broncos Country, where we bleed Orange & Blue.
And our number of Lombardis is one more than two!

Happy Holidays, Broncos Country!

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